Posted on 11/05/2004 11:52:42 AM PST by iheartusa
I loved this article. It's honest, funny and heartfelt. It's enviable to have no debt and no heartaches. If most parents were honest (or could remember) they would admit to moments when they wished they could have given the kid back. I don't think you'd be human not to feel the pressure of parenthood, especially in the early years.
I think people are taking this article way too seriously. This guy is not advocating a new constitutional amendment. He's just venting. Free speech and all.
I've met people who don't get a lot of joy from raising their kids, and who'd rather be pursuing an interesting and rewarding career, and that's quite a sad thing to see when they're wearing themselves to a nub trying to do both and getting very little satisfaction from either.
My wife and I are on the verge of adopting a little boy from Russia. We'll be travelling to Yekaterinburg, near the Ural mountains, in the middle of winter to do so. We anticipate high temperatures in the single digits.
During the ten years of our marriage prior to this point, we'd socialized with other people who didn't have kids, and we met some very kind and friendly people through NoKidding.net who had made a conscious decision not to have kids.
None of them struck us as selfish or bitter people like this author, and none of them ever held it against us that we were "childless" instead of "child-free." They'd certainly never brave the Siberian winter to go get a kid, but they'd accept our decision to do so.
At least there's people out there who actually put some thought into their child-bearing decisions. Perhaps if more people did so there'd be fewer abortions.
I completely agree. There are WAY too many "baby-mamas" out there, i.e., single mothers that have 1 or 2 or 3 kids so that they'll have a "sense of accompliment." But they mainly do it to get attention.
For example.... 20 yr old girl with no education or job skills or husband saying to the whole world , " HEY HEY LOOK AT ME ! ! I HAD A BABY ! ! "
He's not talking about those kinds of parents though. He's not even bashing the parents so much as he is ridiculing kids.
I have a daughter and enjoyed watching her grow up but did not enjoy wiping up her vomit, you're sick. I'd trade the sleepless nights and vomit for the gold.
This is a topic I think about quite a bit. I feel no need whatsoever to produce a child of my own. Never have. I am 30 years old now. A child of my own is not the missing piece of the puzzle that will somehow magically complete or "light up" my life. I feel there are simply too many people in this world. And sometimes I think it is selfish and egotistical of others to look at their kids and say, "Awwwwww look, a tiny version of me." Almost anyone can produce a child. It's nothing special and it's not a miracle. In fact, statistically, the ones that are most likely to reproduce are those without a college degree. And no, I am not saying that if you didn't graduate from a university you are not intelligent. Intelligence and education level aren't necessarily the same thing.
I see what the poster of this topic was trying to say, but it came off as somewhat obnoxious. I disagreed with him when he got into the selfish, materialist/ financial reasons for not having a kid. That just makes this guy sound like the world's most self-absorbed yuppie. And certainly his point about all kids being brats is ridiculous.
But as I looked through the responses to his post I saw something just as disturbing. Some parents stated that their children are the only reason why they carry on in life. But if your children are the only reason why you carry on in life, then maybe you should seek out hobbies that are of interest to you. Something that makes you happy. I have nothing against parenthood, but if that is all you talk about at work and in social your social life, then perhaps it might be good for your own mental health to find another outlet of happiness rather than living through your children. Being a mother or father should never really define who you are as a person. Your own identity as an individual and your identity as a parent should be two very different things.
I don't think so. Having kids is one of the hardest things I've ever done but it's also by far, the best thing I've ever done. Being parents will make most people a better person.
Now, marriage on the other hand.......
I got the same reaction from my dog.
Well I'm fairly certain the dog didn't tell you stories about its day or show you the art project it wants you to take to work for your desk.
The tackling and face licking was about the same though I would think.
Although the dog was probably cleaner and smelled better...
I really couldn't agree more with you dbdbdbdbdbdbdb. The writer was a little over the top but overall I agree. I am 30 and I do feel that society expects you to get married and reproduce and the people that choose not to are looked at as weird and selfish which isn't fair. There are too many people in this world that shouldn't have had any kids so people that choose not to have them shouldn't be looked upon poorly. It is a decision, no matter what pressures you feel from society. And I also strongly believe that society also makes people feel that to complain or speak honestly about children is to be heartless and a bad parent. I feel honesty is more important. I think a lot of parents try to convince themselves that everything is great by telling everyone that. Don't get me wrong I know a lot of parents are completely happy. I just don't believe that is the way for all parents. It too bad society isn't more accepting of honesty. I think if parents were more honest there would be less people out there that are surprised that raising kids is more hard work than fun.
I completely agree with dbdbdbdbdbdb’s post. It’s pretty much bang on. It’s too bad that society has gotten so far away from the truth, but this refreshing comment also gives me hope that there are still some levelheaded people out there :)
People who choose to be parents are just as likely to have good and bad motives as those who choose not to. Those who want and have kids are no better as human beings than those who don’t. A lot of people have stupid, egotistical or downright selfish reasons to have or not to have.
So many “proud parents” are extremely insecure people who use their children as a means to bolster their egos. Don’t get me wrong. There are lots of happy, well-rounded people with kids, and because of their love for children, they are blessed in that regard. I’m talking about people who have kids because their friends have them, or because Katie Holmes has them, or because they believed all the lies and hype about children being the be all end all of society. Logistically speaking, we need kids to continue our future generations, and to wipe our arses when we’re no longer able (metaphorically and literally speaking). But that doesn’t mean we all need to. In fact, many of us just aren’t cut out to be parents, or simply have other equally important endeavors in life.
I noticed some posts about parents feeling sorry for non-parents because they just don’t know what theyre missing. FYI those so-called sorry wastes of space that you so righteously pity are in most cases feeling pretty darn sorry for you too. Because there is more to life than pushing out babies, and it’s likely that these people have lived more enriched and fulfilled lives with their significant others, and have looked beyond the boundaries of child-rearing to expand their horizons. In the Bible, God takes first priority as an umbrella to mesh together all worldly joys. Next comes your spouse, and then your children. Many non parents have strong relationships with their faith and with their partners. Unfortunately, our society forgets this and puts kids on a pedestal. So many marriages fall apart because they become mere parents to their children, rather than a functioning, happy couple who, with proper foundational values and love, can happily raise and love children.
But then again, with society pushing young adults to marry and have kids when they’re way too young, this is no surprise. Too many people marry and procreate before they’re ready. Many moms tell me in response to me saying I’m not ready for kids, that “you become ready when you get pregnant”. BS. Most of these moms are shoddy parents who let their kids walk all over them and truthfully seem very unhappy with their circumstances. Ironically, these same moms are the ones who clog up the Facebook newsfeeds with zillions of pictures of their kids, looking for constant approval of their “beautiful little angels”. It reeks of insecurity, but these people weren’t ready for kids. They were still trying to get to know themselves. The push to have kids got the best of them and they are incomplete people. Yet think their kids complete them. No. Their kids fill a void for them and give them the excuse not to broaden their horizons or overcome their fears. They can now live through their kids. Hello people, it’s exactly where Big Brother wants you. Once you have little ones to worry about, you cease to expand yourself. You’re no longer a potential force to be reckoned with. You’re a pathetic rat-racer who will take the abuse from society and accept your position because you have mouths to feed. You will become a bigger consumer with less time to think outside the box and more time to worry about feeding into the corporate system. Charming, isn’t it?
So yes, I went on a bit of a tangent, and as I mentioned before, I’m not referring to the joys of having children IF and WHEN those who do are ready. I’m talking about the false perceptions that we as a society are force-fed, and the consequences that arise.
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