Posted on 11/05/2004 11:52:42 AM PST by iheartusa
There is an unspoken taboo in our society where if you admit that having kids wasn't quite what you thought it would be and that if you could do it all over again that you would have chosen NOT to have kids, that you are a monster, an evil, despicable monster. The truth is a large percentage of parents HATE being parents. They will never say it out loud and they can't even admit that to themselves because "only an evil demon" would come to that conclusion, they think. However, underneath it all, underneath all the B.S. is the truth that we all know: Children are overrated. For every precious moment where the little brat does something special, there are 1,000 moments where they drive you crazy. They literally tear your life upside down. Marriage, sex life, your wives appearance, your social life, the list goes on and on and on. Oh yeah, the worst part is yet to come - the teenage years. I could write volumes on this subject. The reason people have children is because of this unwritten societal norm where the standard is to get married and immediately begin to produce offspring because "that's the thing to do". Here's another fact for you if you're interested in the subject: the highest points of martial satisfaction are: 1) after the kids leave and 2) before the kids were born. Look it up, it's true.
I decided not to have kids or a wife... And haven't regretted it one bit!!! I look at all my sorry faced friends straining to make ends meet, having the endless honey do lists, soccer games, Dr bills, bitching, whinny little brats, debt up their asses!!.....and me....well I focused on work and saving money and have no debt, date all different kinds of women, no strings attached, buying a brand new custom house that my friends and family can only dream about, and will be able to retire at 45..... Yea, I may grow up old and have no one but look....most of you will be divorced and so broke after raising kids, alimony, child support, kids college...that you will have nothing to show for it when you are 65 and still have to work till your are dead......sorry thats reality. My relatives have given up asking. They know better. Then someone always pulls me aside and says, "I would love to have your life".
I think most people end up having kids because 1) They're too stupid to know how to use birth control properly and/or 2) They have an idealistic, completely unrealistic vision of what parenthood entails. People imagine dressing their daughter in pretty clothes, or playing catch with their son. They don't think about being awoken at 2 a.m. by a sick, screaming kid who just threw up all over the bed, and who doesn't give a shit that you have to get up for work in four hours. They don't think about the mortgage company threatening to foreclose, or the electricity being shut off, because the husband can't pay all the bills on one income. More people should think about these things, and fewer people should be having children. Parenthood should be left to those few couples who are willing to take the good with the bad.
NoMarriage.com manual will help you determine if you are ready and want to have children in the near future.
Hildy,
So sad for your loss.
Do you think everyone should have children, regardless of their ability to raise them?
I think you are making a smart choice.
Too many people would not have your courage and in-sight to make that decision.
Glad to hear that. :-)
While I agree that folks who aren't prepared to be parents probably shouldn't be, that's a completely different beast from "Kids are Overrated". Kids are generally terrific, if their parents do their job. Many parents are overrated.
Well, somebody went to HIS website and copied it from HIS webiste, so blame the internet.
Well, somebody went to HIS website and copied it from HIS webiste, so blame the internet.
Anyway, a person who has not had to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars raising kids will probably be in a pretty good position to take care of themselves when they get older.
Unless, of course, they have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars TRYING to have kids. Then what?
I appreciate your comments throughout this thread.
Yes, and the same is true (only more so) for singles.
Ahh, that's the hard part - finding someone who will requite that love.
I suppose it comes down to this... How much value is there in always doing as you choose? To never have to sweat it out for someone else?
Not all people who do not have children live solely for themselves. And many people who do have children cannot be bothered to actually be involved with them. We shouldn't assume people fall into one catagory or another.
I adore my children. THAT'S why they can make me so nuts! I would be a much shallower human being if I didn't have to put some of my own needs aside to meet theirs and delay gratifiction. Now, I didn't have kids to improve my character. It's just a nice side benefit.
I think it's a shame that people jump onto the bandwagon of, "Let's please only ourselves and never do anything difficult because it's so much easier and FUN that way!" There is value in extending yourself for others. People of character do hard things and work through them. They see the reward is in the process of learning and growing.
My daughter is 6'1" and can kick objects 2 feet over her head. She'll kick your a$$. ;)
Men have different reasons not to have kids than women.
The odds are quite good--almost half--that regardless of whether a man wants kids or not he won't be allowed to be a father.
Count in the amount of abortions and I'll bet less than half of men who genuinely love and want children are ever allowed to become fathers.
If you are married with children, a man can lose it all on a wife's word. On her whim. Men in the US can be cast aside like women in Muslim countries.
It's not the same for men--men now have legitimate reasons not to have children.
I agree.
See post 45. :-)
Well stated. And when the kids end up with mom, she will have an endless amount of time to demonize the dad. I will never forget crying inside as my daughter started to parrot her mothers standard complaints.
"Your father ruined my retirment"
"Your father hates woman"
"Your father lies all the time"
This from a woman that had an affair with my brother. Of course I can never bring this fact up to my kids. I hope they never find out. Of course I was the sole reason for the failed marriage according to everybody. She is just so sweet and innocent. Barf........
Ouch.... That sucks.
Mine calls HR where I work about twice a week and tells them that I'm such a rotten person that I should be fired.
I had to change my handle here 'cuz she was cyber-stalking me as well...
Thank God I decided not to have kids with her. I would have lost them and I couldn't have taken it.
Guys, you've gotta face it nowadays, you're a sucker if you get married and have kids.
50/50 chance you will lose them, your house, car, retirement, savings and land.
What kind of idiot plays those odds?
>Not all people who do not have children live solely for themselves. And many people who do have children cannot be bothered to actually be involved with them. We shouldn't assume people fall into one catagory or another.<
Good point. I'm single without kids, but I still belong to a family and I still have responsibilities. I help my sister with her kids all the time, and I'm the oldest so all the gripes fall to me, I have primary responsibility for our mom, the list goes on and on.
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