Kids are Overrated

No Marriage.com ^ | 11/05/04 | Embittered Young Guy

[iheartusa]

There is an unspoken taboo in our society where if you admit that having kids wasn't quite what you thought it would be and that if you could do it all over again that you would have chosen NOT to have kids, that you are a monster, an evil, despicable monster. The truth is a large percentage of parents HATE being parents. They will never say it out loud and they can't even admit that to themselves because "only an evil demon" would come to that conclusion, they think. However, underneath it all, underneath all the B.S. is the truth that we all know: Children are overrated. For every precious moment where the little brat does something special, there are 1,000 moments where they drive you crazy. They literally tear your life upside down. Marriage, sex life, your wives appearance, your social life, the list goes on and on and on. Oh yeah, the worst part is yet to come - the teenage years. I could write volumes on this subject. The reason people have children is because of this unwritten societal norm where the standard is to get married and immediately begin to produce offspring because "that's the thing to do". Here's another fact for you if you're interested in the subject: the highest points of martial satisfaction are: 1) after the kids leave and 2) before the kids were born. Look it up, it's true.

I decided not to have kids or a wife... And haven't regretted it one bit!!! I look at all my sorry faced friends straining to make ends meet, having the endless honey do lists, soccer games, Dr bills, bitching, whinny little brats, debt up their asses!!.....and me....well I focused on work and saving money and have no debt, date all different kinds of women, no strings attached, buying a brand new custom house that my friends and family can only dream about, and will be able to retire at 45..... Yea, I may grow up old and have no one but look....most of you will be divorced and so broke after raising kids, alimony, child support, kids college...that you will have nothing to show for it when you are 65 and still have to work till your are dead......sorry thats reality. My relatives have given up asking. They know better. Then someone always pulls me aside and says, "I would love to have your life".

I think most people end up having kids because 1) They're too stupid to know how to use birth control properly and/or 2) They have an idealistic, completely unrealistic vision of what parenthood entails. People imagine dressing their daughter in pretty clothes, or playing catch with their son. They don't think about being awoken at 2 a.m. by a sick, screaming kid who just threw up all over the bed, and who doesn't give a shit that you have to get up for work in four hours. They don't think about the mortgage company threatening to foreclose, or the electricity being shut off, because the husband can't pay all the bills on one income. More people should think about these things, and fewer people should be having children. Parenthood should be left to those few couples who are willing to take the good with the bad.

NoMarriage.com manual will help you determine if you are ready and want to have children in the near future.

[GovernmentShrinker]

Not everybody is up to the awesome responsibility of raising children. It should be left to professionals. I'd even go so far as to require parenting licenses.

Very true.

It should be left to professionals. I'd even go so far as to require parenting licenses.

Huh? What happened to liberty? A better approach would be to promote a cultural norm in which people assume they need to develop themselves and their understanding of how to raise children, BEFORE they have children. Currently, the cultural norm seems to be, if you're married it's time to have babies, even if you're still immature and irresponsible yourself. Many people imagine that having children will cure immaturity and irresponsibility, but usually it doesn't, and when it does, it's usually only at a huge and irreversible cost to the children involved.

[holdmuhbeer]

bump

[SunnyUsa]

Oh my, how sad - you have my sincere sympathies for your tragic loss of your son.

Our children are so precious, I try to never forget that.

[Malleus Dei]

My wife and I didn't want children and we haven't had any. Our choice, and it's no one's business but our own. You want to have children, have at it. We don't, and we're haven't, and we're not going to, and we're fine with that.

[PBRSTREETGANG]

My sincerest condolences on the loss of your son.

You and your wife are in my prayers.

[Age of Reason]

Getting married in modern America is just asking for trouble.

[benice]

I never had them either. Never had the desire too....I never had any patience when they are around me....

[Cyclone59]

RANT on!

This guy only writes that he's got the good life, but in reality he really hates his life. I'm no looker but he must be as ugly as they come - inside and out.

First - God has given us our better halves as gifts - and he doesn't give bad gifts. Is my marriage perfect? No, never will be either, but it is as good as we make it. It is a team effort that requires one to not be self serving - which is something that our friend here will never understand.

Second, if one never has kids they never know just how much you can give of yourself. I never knew that I could share my heart with so many kids. I was worried when we had our first, but then she got here she owned me. Then along came her sisters and now I'm owed by 3 of them and WOULD NOT TRADE IT FOR ALL THE TREASURES IN THE WORLD. Yes, raising kids is the absolute hardest thing I have done, but it has been so very rewarding so far.

My wife and I had the house to ourselves last night and we felt so empty without our herd. As much as I love being with my wife, our house is going to be so damn quiet (they fight like crazy) and clean when those crazy girls leave. They are such a big part of our lives that we could never try to tell someone like numbnuts here is missing out here. Yeah, our Saturdays are crowded, but it is fun - soccer tournaments, gymnastics meets and school projects are so priceless.

I am glad that this a-hole did not procreate, he doesn't deserve the wonderful gift of a real family. Probably got the sh!t beat out of him in high school, by girls!

RANT off!

[RightOnline]

I have seven children........five boys, two girls.......from ages 3 to 25. All but the little guy are teens or in their 20's.

I cannot imagine my life without any ONE of them. Literally. This guy's a selfish moron, pure and simple.

[iheartusa]

As a former child, I can tell you that's their job.

[Nataku X]

I'm not a parent so I can't comment on it.

But, I can say that as a child of two parents whom I love more than anyone else on Earth, if I woke up and saw this article with my father's byline, I would kill myself.

[Cyclone59]

You are in my prayers. My rant seem so trivial now.

most of the time, you never know what you had until you lose it.....

[iheartusa]

Okay. But if I spend my working life, non-parent that I am, paying for other old folks it's only fair that I get the same benefit out of a system that I'm paying into now. That's what I'm saying.

[Constantine XIII]

Dr. Darwin gets them in the end. :)

[iheartusa]

I would kill my father.

[edchambers]

I think there has been a gross over reaction to this article.There is nothing evil or selfish or sad about not likeing kids.There is also nothing smart or superior about it either.Some people don't even know how they feel about it until they've had a few.My wife really loves children I mostly think they're a nuisance, guess who ends up cleaning up after them most of the time and paying for most of thier crap.You don't even have to like kids to be a good parent, I suppose it helps but I wouldn't know.

[Atlas Sneezed]

Those who criticize the writer for being "selfish" seem to be admitting that it is somehow disadvantageous or unpleasant to have children, and better for ones self not to have children. That, I think, is the writer's opinion, and he explains why.

Not everyone want to bear children. But everyone who does, is doing it essentially for "selfish" reasons, in that they WANT to pass on their genes, culture, and values, and to shape young people into adults. Child rearing is compelling and deeply desirable to many people. (If it weren't, there wouldn't be many of us.)

I think it important to recognize this as a reasonable choice, not a bizarre anomaly. The questions should be: "are more people opting not to have children?" and, if so, "why not?", and moreover "are there government policies that are discouraging good people from having children?"

Sometimes, I suspect that some people who react against those who speak about being child-free are in fact conflicted about their own choice to have children, and have a dose of "misery loves company."

Mrs. B. and I are happily married for a decade, plan no children even though we are young and healthy and prosperous to do so if we chose. We just prefer a more active lifestyle of personal pursuits like travel, activism, and education, a more comfortable home, more devoted pursuit of careers, and a much earlier and more prosperous retirement.

To those who say "who will take care of you in your old age?" we say "we will take care of ourselves, and get emotional sustenance from family members we did not happen to bear, and friendships we had time to make and deepen over the years."

We have some friends who say they regret having kids, and other who have some regret they didn't. Life has its compromises and choices.

[Melas]

This guy is an absolute moron. Check it out, he's convinced that "a large percentage" of parent wish they'd never had kids, but he himself has no clue, as he's childless. I would say that almost all parents I know would do it all over again if they could. I can't imagine life without my children, they're the most important things in my world.

[Modernman]

Okay. But if I spend my working life, non-parent that I am, paying for other old folks it's only fair that I get the same benefit out of a system that I'm paying into now. That's what I'm saying.

Sure, but depending on how old you are, there is a very good chance that you'll never see a penny of SS.

[Atlas Sneezed]

Yeah, but who's going to take care of you in your old age? The State? Heh.

---

Financially? People can handle that from the college fund they didn't spend. Emotionally? Friends and other family members, especially if there is much left in the college fund.