Posted on 09/23/2004 7:04:45 PM PDT by SLB
She lives in a small town in Tennessee, or in a subdivision in North Carolina, or on a ranch in Montana .
She may be 15. Or, she may have graduated from college. Either way, the odds are no boy has ever paid much attention to her. She may wonder if she will ever get married. She is lonely.
What’s her problem? The answer is simple: She is different.
She doesn’t particularly like being different. She may tell you that she doesn’t care; but she does.
Her peers think she is a snob. Her mom says the reason other girls don’t want to be around her is because they are jealous. That doesn’t help much. So she tries to be friendly and kind but that doesn’t help much, either. She may be shunned by other girls and ignored by boys.
She is different. And who wants to be different? Nobody likes others who are different and nobody likes being different.
I have met hundreds of homeschooled girls like this around the world. Each girl thinks she is the only one who is having these experiences. But, there are thousands just like her. If they ever find one another, there would be a huge group hug. And, yes, probably lots of tears. They would finally have found others like themselves who aren’t interested in what girls normally think or talk about. Their talk wouldn’t center around boys or movies or how stupid some other girl is. They would talk about their families and about what interests them and about God and about Jesus. They would pray together and for one another.
That girl from Tennessee who is 15. She’s actually 15 going on 21. She seems to have skipped the teenage years altogether. The girl who has graduated from college without meeting her future husband has been told many times not to worry. “Mister right” is just waiting somewhere in the future. She struggles to believe it and to trust God for her future family.
These girls are different. Not because they wear Christian hairdos or clothing. It really has little to do with externals. But it has everything to do with their Father and what He has done inside them. They are just different, whether they like being different or not. Everyone can tell.
One day I was trying to understand this regarding a young girl who was a friend of my son. All at once the Lord showed me a kind of vision about this girl. Here’s what I saw:
The girl was in her Baptist Sunday school class. All the kids were sitting in a circle. Just then I saw Jesus open the door to the room. He walked directly to this girl and held out His hand to her. She took His hand and got up from her chair. Then Jesus took her out of the class and closed the door. I understood Him to be saying, “This girl doesn’t belong in the same way other people belong. I have made her exclusively Mine.”
I knew this didn’t mean she would never have a family or always be by herself. But the Lord made me understand that He is using the home schooling movement because it is the easiest context in which to raise young people who can be truly “different.”
Why do I keep using the word, “Different”? It is because of the origin of that word. The word “different” is the most exact translation of the Greek work, HOLY (hagios). These kids are different in that the Lord has placed in them something which makes them holy unto Him. They are not really trying to be this way. It’s something He has done. He has separated them from the kind of things normal young people find important. They may struggle with what God has done. They may be terribly lonely. But they ARE different and it is the work of God, Himself.
It is not easy to encourage these girls. Loneliness is no fun and being different can be a real bummer, too. Telling someone to “have faith” can sound pretty shallow, even though it’s the truth. The girl who graduated from college and never had a boy who was a friend ended up meeting “the man of God” she had always dreamed about. They are married now. Another is still waiting, praying for faith to believe it will all turn out as her heart hopes it will.
This is a holy generation. It is a generation set apart unto Him. It is a generation of young people the world has not seen in so long it doesn’t remember what real holiness looks like. The purposes of God rest on our children being willing to walk “in the world” but, at the same time, separated from it. The world waits for a people to show them that a relationship with Jesus isn’t a religious put-on, but is worth giving their lives to, too.
Our girls have been created by the Lord to show everyone what the Bride of Christ looks like, sounds like, acts like, believes like. It can be a burden, but it is precious. We need to deeply respect our girls for what they have been called to be. They need to be encouraged to understand who they are to a world (and, yes, even to a Church) who desperately needs to see the kind of “Lady” Jesus is returning for. We need to give them a vision for who they are that is deeper than simply saying to them, “the other girls are jealous of you.”
I can't help but be struck by the tone in almost every homeschool thread.
Most the homeschool parents I've ever met were wonderful people with great kids.
However most of the homeschooling freepers come across as defensive and extremely snobbishly arrogant.
Just read the posts and look at the slams on families who don't do it the same way they did.
They have valid points in many cases. Most kids do get teased at school at some point. That happens in public and private schools. Heck, that happens at home!
Obviously homeschooling isn't for everyone. We all can think of people who really, REALLY shouldn't teach their kids at home.
Kind of interesting that the same calls for 'tolerance for diverse methods and choice' by homeschoolers (of course mocking the liberals) are not applied to those who do it differently.
Some on this thread really need to come off their high horses.
There's just as much "bumptious self-righteousness" from parents who send their kids to public schools. Thankfully the general public is more educated now, but when I was growing up, we'd always be asked "Why aren't you in school" and, when we explained we were homeschooled, asked "is that legal?" more often than not. Or some derogatory comment directed toward my mother.
Because of that, a lot of homeschoolers have a sort of "David and Goliath" complex. In the next few years that should change. Already I'm seeing a shift toward defensiveness on the part of public school parents. I never say "You should homeschool too", but I often get remarks along the lines of "You think you're superior to public school kids". Which I don't. I think my education is superior to 95% of government schoolers, but that's it.
(FYI, I was homeschooled all the way through, went to college, and am now in grad school. I have zero problems with social skills and a solid education, like every other homeschooler I've known)
Clare is different, but it's not because she is homeschooled. We decided to homeschool precisely BECAUSE she was different. She never had friends in school because she was never into the stupid silliness of the girls in her class. She wasn't into the clothes, hair, music, boys and stuff like that when she was in 5th 6th and 7th grades, so she felt like a real outcast. When we started homeschooling, she met other kids and they all developed a similar interest Japanese Anime and things like that, so she felt more 'at home'.
It's actually been remarkably slam free. Almost all the anecdotes accentuate the positive, and condemn not the pubskewling families but the pubskewls themselves.
Kind of interesting that the same calls for 'tolerance for diverse methods and choice' by homeschoolers (of course mocking the liberals) are not applied to those who do it differently.
Lame
I SAID that the home school is only as good as the home! If yours was good, great, I've seen living proof that they all aren't.
It is just such superior arrogant attitudes that tolerate no question or criticism that leads to the type of situation to which I'm referring.
I think where you live and the type of community you live in does have an effect, but I think the socialization factor in general is becoming less of an issue as the movement grows. New homeschooling networks like at your church are forming in towns all across the country.
Today's 6-year-old homeschoolers should be less lonely than their older counterparts.
My brother eased into it, not being totally scarred by public schooling, and socialism. If I knew then, at the age of 13, what I know that God asks of me today, it would be so much easier to wait on Him.
But the young girl and her hormones are so brutally mauled in school, and as Christian it's so much worst. Temptation can be so so beautiful. Some how by Gods grace and through my mothers prayers, my body has been preserved for that "Mr. right"!
But OH HOW I WISHED I'D KNOWN MORE EARLIER IN LIFE. I was so ashamed of the life I'd lead, before God taught me about purity "holiness". Guess I'm damaged goods, cuz I felt in my heart what I didn't do with the body. Many ministers in the Homeschool conferences talk about not giving your emotions over to another boy/girl, unless there is commitment in spirit. But until you learn that, you do what everyone else in the world says is right.
Now, I feel, knowing myself and my heart, how could anyone want a girl, any Godly man want a girl/lady like me.
The people, Christians who don't understand this, You just have to pray to God for understanding. It's not about how you wear your hair, it's about giving up that right to have that beautiful hair, to the one who gave it to you. I keep my hair in a pony tail,, always, except when I'm with my family. My future husband, my long hair, will be an ornament of adorement of my purity to him, and only he will be able to appreciate it,, and God will too. That's my gift to GOD and to my husband!
It doesn't make me better, or smarter, or DIFFERENT. It makes me a Child of God, someone after His heart, and His glory. Why would I want to do anything, else, but constantly give my life in faith, and love to the Creator God, who gave me my very breath!!!!!
Do you "proper", socially accepted believers have an answer to that
That's not the way it works. I'd tell you, but it's really depressing.
.It is biblical, and is not just something to take as a story. It's mentioned in the Bible more than once, and before the 18th century, most women would've been ashamed to have had even collar bone length hair.
I started out, at the beginning of this article, feeling very defensive, anticipating a hit piece on how "lonely" homeschooled kids are, and how they are "missing out". My children (7 and 10) have been homeschooled for 4 years (we are on our 5th), and are hardly what I would consider lonely.
Between our homeschool coop group at our church (200 families strong, and growing), and the Christian "hybrid" school they attend one day a week, plus their sports (cheerleading, tumbling, and basketball), they haven't got enough hours in the day to do everything they'd like, and our house is a constant hub of activity and kids, so I wasn't relating to the beginning of the article at all.
But...
by the end, I was in tears. Yes, different. They may be busy, and have plenty of socialization, but yes, they are different. Their decisions, their choices, are made, even at this young age, with an eye and a heart to what God wants, what He will think, how Jesus will feel.
What is even better, is that they feel comfortable admonishing others, if they feel its warranted, but always in such a loving way, that it always has the desired effect of making the other person (child or adult) think twice about their actions.
Even though I know that it was the promptings of the Holy Spirit that led me to have the blessing of teaching my children, this article put it into words in a way that really touched my heart. It feels so good to consider that the Lord may have some special plan for the growing number of homeschooled children (and all children who are lucky enough to have parents who conscientously lead their children into a relationship with Him). The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these....
Every teacher I know, basis their final opinion on more than just one example. This is a very poor statement coming from a teacher, and a public school teacher at that!
:)
Really?
By slamming the schools you slam the families.
How can I rail against the church you attend without railing against you?
Even your choice of spelling of school is a disrespectful poke in the eye.
One of the reasons that I took my kids out of a private Christian school is the attitude of snobbish elitism that infiltrated. I didn't want my kids to be like that and I didn't want myself to be associated with those attitudes. And I see the same thing here. The 'I care so much more than (sniff) those people do...'
I'm sure that you and those like you don't realize that you really come off in this manner and that you'd truly want to have someone do you the favor of telling you when you act that way.
If not, I guess you're making a conscious decision to act like that.
Yeah, but your post sort of implied that the "bad" homeschool is more common than I've seen. I've been involved with homeschoolers all my life and never run into an extreme case like yours - well, except once but they weren't homeschooling, they were... just keeping the kids home.
And I take offense at your suggestion that I have an "arrogant attitude that tolerates no question or criticism". I was very careful to phrase my post in such a way that I was sure there was no trace of arrogance. I can be arrogant! But it's not the homeschooling that did it.
Extreme cases happen. Using them to imply that homeschooling in general is bad, or should be closely scrutinized by the government, is like saying Columbine means that schools are deathtraps and kids should be sedated so they don't go on wild killing sprees.
That attitude is the sort homeschool pioneers have had to fight for years. I'm glad they've won, so when I have kids to homeschool they won't be treated like social outcasts, freaks, or less-worthy individuals, the way I was.
Lame lame lame again. Families often have precious LITTLE say in what happens in the pubskewls they often mistakenly think they have to send their little darlings to without little choice. More to be pitied than censured.
I've been homeschooling for seventeen years and I don't believe this person has met "hundreds" of lonely
homeschoolers. Lack of socialization is the one thing they think they can hang on homeschoolers. The fact is homeschoolers constantly socialize. Homeschoolers are not afraid to interact with people of their own age, younger or older children and adults. One thing I have noticed is that girls are always picking up the young kids and hugging them. They take the younger girls hand to skate or help them with their swimming. Sure homeschooled kids are different than public schooled kids, just ask the people at the skating rink. They have told us how nice it is on homeschool days compared to public school days when everything is chaos.
Give me a break, where does the socialistic, capitalism end in this country! At least as a Freeper have some decency to really think about all of the People in the world. Not everyone marches to the beat of the same drum. And as a Republic, we fight for the rights of the freedoms to do just that!
And why not let God take care of HIS OWN, and the Government to theirs!?
From personal experience... not having a physical relationship is easy, with parental supervision. Not doing anything to compromise yourself is easy. Not giving your heart away is impossible. I wish it had been possible for me because five, six years later I still miss that person and I haven't had a relationship since.
Emphasize actions, not emotions. As long as there are teenagers, they're going to fall in love. Don't make them feel guilty about that. Just teach them that there are a lot of >boundaries not to be crossed.
He means "lonely" in mostly a romantic sense, I believe. There's an attitude among some homeschoolers that girls should have girl friends, and guys guy friends, until they're courtship age. Fortunately I didn't share this, since I disliked most of the girls in my homeschool co-op. I do see some wisdom in this if you're trying to maintain purity.
I was lonely, pretty much everywhere but at home, but that's because I'm a weirdo. I was strange to the public school kids, strange to the homeschool kids, and I learned to live with that. Lots of activities, not too many relationships.
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