Posted on 08/20/2004 4:39:09 AM PDT by Tom D.
Sam Kinison: The Original South Park Republican
Sam Kinison has always been my favorite stand-up comedian. While he was vulgar, grossly obscene, shockingly cruel, sometimes blasphemous, & outrageously offensive, he was also wickedly funny and delighted in skewering politically correct targets that few other people had the guts to take on.
While Kinison is certainly no role model and would surely offend -- well, just about everybody on both sides of the political spectrum -- I wanted to share a little bit of his humor with you because I find Kinison funny for many of the same reasons that I enjoy South Park (Of course, South Park is still running and Kinison died back in 1992, so a lot of you probably aren't all that familiar with his work).
So here are some snippets from some of Kinison's bits that you may find funny, provocative, outrageous, and even offensive. But, I'm going to post them and let you make up your own mind. There's certainly nothing here worse than you'll see on the average episode of South Park...
Sam Kinison on world hunger...
You want to help these people? Stop sending them food. Don't send these people another bite, folks. You want to send them something, you want to help these people? Send them U-Hauls, send them luggage, send them someone like me, I'll walk out there..send a guy who'll go,
'Hey, we just drove 700 miles with your food and it occurred to us that there wouldn't be world hunger, if you people would LIVE WHERE THE FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A F*CKING DESERT! YOU LIVE IN A F*CKING DESERT! NOTHING GROWS OUT HERE! NOTHING'S GONNA GROW HERE! YOU SEE THIS? HUH? THIS IS SAND. YEAH. DID YOU KNOW NOTHING CAN GROW IN THIS SH*T? HERE, EAT SOME OF IT, TASTE IT. KNOW WHAT IT'S GONNA BE A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW? IT'S GONNA BE SAND! YOU LIVE IN A F*CKING DESERT! GET YOUR KIDS, GET YOUR SH*T, WE'LL MAKE ONE TRIP, WE'LL TAKE YOU TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! WE HAVE DESERTS IN AMERICA -- WE JUST DON'T LIVE IN THEM, @SSHOLES!"
Sam Kinison on bombing Libya...
Ever since we bombed Libya ya know, I'm just in that f*cking tear everything up mood. Blast 'em. That was just too cool man, American bombers going in going "Where's the baby's room?" *** BOOM *** "Where do you keep the little girl"? (Explosion sound).
We did out job, we only f*cked up one place, we "accidentally" dropped a bomb on the French embassy. (Crowd "AWWWWWWW"). Sorry about that, I'm sure would have been a little better if we had more f*cking sleep. Thanks for those extra 6500 air miles you f*ckheads, build a new house!
We're not f*cking around anymore, it's time to be the tough guy. This is America Godd@mnit, Reagan's President and Clint Eastwood has his own police force.
Sam Kinison on homelessness...
You give 'em the test. You sit 'em down and you go "Eh, you got any job skills, any career training? Any type of talent for anything that'll help you get a job?"
"No"
"Do you have any loved ones, do you have any friends, someone who'll love you enough to take you in, help you get back on your feet, help you fight back?"
"No"
"Is there anything left inside of you as a man that wants to get on his two feet and do something to change his world?"
"No"
*** BOOM *** I swear to God, the guy behind him is going to go,
"Woah, woah, woah, My God, you're shooting the homeless!....Ok, I'm homeless, I don't have a job. I may have set my career goals a little too high. All right, all right. I was holding out for an executive position. That doesn't look like it's going to happen. Give me a couple of hours, I'll get a paper route, I'll get something. I'll get a job where I take the carts back to the grocery store, don't shoot me!"
The homeless will disapear, that'll be one less problem for America.
My husband and I saw him in Cleveland one time at the Nautica. We were totally destroyed--tears running down our cheeks, and our faces hurt so bad from laughing. He was a very funny man.I was at that show too, and to tell you the truth he was even better the other times I saw him.
Perhaps the best was in 1988, right before the election. Me and a friend went to see him at the University of Akron. She was snickering about the college girls in the ladies room not seeming to know what they were in for. Then a group sits in front of us with Dukakis and :spit: Metzenbaum stuff all over their jackets. We of course start making comments.
Then Sam comes onstage and the first thing he does was starts tearing into what a loser Dukakis is and how he reminds him of a Ramada Inn lounge lizard. >:)
-Eric
One of the most funny was about the gay necropheliacs (sp).
Classic-
I just did a search on amazon and they have a bunch of Kinison stuff, cds and dvds of performances.
www.Kinison.com has some interesting stuff.
Go to Kinison.com and click the video link. If you get the referal page just past the file URL into your windon instead of the end of the url.
That's "Tater Salad" to you....
"The cop was arresting me for being drunk in public, I said I was drunk in a bar, They THREW me into public."
Dice saying,
"Your Chinese I can blindfold you with a piece of dental floss."
I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as I did when I first heard that routine.
It's still on one of the Kinison websites.
It was a sad day when we lost him.
My favorite episode of Married... with Children! Sam would have been perfect for NO MA'AM.
This may have been a very good friend of mine (now deceased). I don't know if this was something Kinison did a lot, but my buddy was called up on stage by him, and they called up an ex-girlfriend of his.
RIP, Sam...
Amen.
Yep, Denis Leary is the only one who comes close to Kinison for pure, unadulterated, non-PC comedy today.
I forgot about Ron White. Makes Foxworthy look like an amateur when they're onstage together. Love the cigarette and glass of bourbon, you can't get much more un-PC than that. ;^)
Less than six degrees of seperation? purely rhetorical
There are comics carrying the anti-PC torch... Nick DiPaolo and Bobby Slayton being notable in that regard.
Bobby Slayton: "So it's OK to have a movie called 'White Men Cant Jump'...? Fine, I'll make a movie called 'Black People Cant Shut The Hell Up In A Movie Theater'"
He was terrific. Glad you posted.
Came across this old thread.
Kinison was a legend. I do wish he were alive to get his perspective on modern events.
Unfortunately, he died when I was only 15 and at that time I hadn't really discovered him. So, obviously I never saw him live. I only saw some of his work later on.
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