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Morford: Maybe You Need A Road Trip
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | June 2, 2004 | Mark Morford (drives a stick)

Posted on 06/02/2004 4:55:13 PM PDT by presidio9

This is the dream. It involves a shiny cool small premium new car and a big happy beautiful dog sticking his head out the window and a longish solo road trip up the West Coast from San Francisco to the northern tip of Idaho in the middle of the summer.

There is music playing. There is a huge sunroof open at all times. There is a small cooler full of ginger beer and spelt pretzels and Odwalla bars and organic turkey sandwiches. There is an in-dash CD multichanger loaded with dirtystupidfun '80s hard rock and badass electronica and Rufus Wainwright and AC/DC and Rachael Yamagata and Velvet Revolver.

This particular drive is a mere 17 hours long and consists of some seriously butt-ugly landscape (Central California) and then some of the most breathtakingly lovely and tree-engorged (Oregon), but it really doesn't matter. It's the trip that counts. It's the getting out. It is the escape. Isn't it?

It's a peculiar all-American dream, the road trip, the fast exit, the get-me-the-f---out-of-here-I'm-going-insane, one that must be tattooed onto our very cells at birth and emerging from I'm not sure whence but attracting me like some sort of happy patriotic narcotic, creating such an itch that it absolutely must be scratched at some point despite three-dollar gas prices and air pollution like a BushCo pastime and more cars per capita than occurrences of raw unbridled love.

Flying? Ptew. Flying has become this gross convoluted nightmare of overbooked ticketing hassles and massive lines and bogus Orange Alerts and of completely disrobing at security checkpoints for the displeasure of disgruntled security personnel who for some goddamn reason are trained to believe you might be harboring a live mortar shell in your belt. Hence, driving across the country is, shall we say, more alluring than ever.

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Politics/Elections; War on Terror
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1 posted on 06/02/2004 4:55:13 PM PDT by presidio9
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To: presidio9

I can't decide if he writes in such a manner out of sexual frustration or, because some guy has just boinked his brains out.


2 posted on 06/02/2004 4:59:04 PM PDT by Paul Atreides
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To: presidio9

Morford is trying to buy a dog?

Quick! Somebody give PETA and the SPCA a call.

I'm sure that the kind of companionship Morford is looking for would not be a pleasant experience for the dog.


3 posted on 06/02/2004 5:01:02 PM PDT by x1stcav (Remember Pat Tillman)
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To: Slings and Arrows; TheBigB; martin_fierro; Constitution Day; Tijeras_Slim

morford ping


4 posted on 06/02/2004 5:01:32 PM PDT by presidio9 (Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!)
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To: Paul Atreides

I've always thought that Morford is an example of what happens when somebody is buggered too often.


5 posted on 06/02/2004 5:02:07 PM PDT by x1stcav (Remember Pat Tillman)
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To: presidio9

He already takes a road trip down the hershey highway.


6 posted on 06/02/2004 5:03:00 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: presidio9
who for some goddamn reason are trained to believe you might be harboring a live mortar shell in your belt.

Mortar shell? Maybe they expect to find a much different caliber:


7 posted on 06/02/2004 5:05:22 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (Teach a Democrat to fish and he will curse you for not just giving him the fish.)
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To: x1stcav
Morford is trying to buy a dog?

Well, we all knew it wouldn't be a puss.

8 posted on 06/02/2004 5:06:38 PM PDT by Paul Atreides
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To: Paul Atreides

He just discovered road trips, and brings along organic turkey sandwiches? That's soooo gay.


9 posted on 06/02/2004 5:08:01 PM PDT by Freedom4US
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To: Freedom4US

It's a miracle he didn't take along a bratwurst.


10 posted on 06/02/2004 5:20:23 PM PDT by Paul Atreides
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To: Paul Atreides
I can't decide if he writes in such a manner out of sexual frustration or, because some guy has just boinked his brains out.

The latter. Someone just gave Morford a sound rogering up the Hershey Highway.

All of these guys, perhaps?

Be Seeing You,

Chris

11 posted on 06/02/2004 5:20:59 PM PDT by section9 (Major Motoko Kusanagi says, "Jesus is Coming. Everybody look busy.")
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To: section9
Morford: Maybe You Need A Road Trip

We know why Ms. Morford needs one...


12 posted on 06/02/2004 5:27:04 PM PDT by Paul Atreides
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To: presidio9

13 posted on 06/02/2004 5:37:39 PM PDT by RightWingAtheist
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To: presidio9
He babbles on inncessantly about the road trip, but never why he went to Idaho, other than to escape the teeny-boppers at Starbucks in California.

My guess is, he was searching for some manly hunks among the rough-and-ready Idaho Militia.

Or, maybe he just likes eating organic turkey sandwiches on the road?

14 posted on 06/02/2004 5:53:28 PM PDT by Gritty ("Our enemy can only succeed if we lose our will and faith in our own values"-GW Bush)
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To: Gritty

He blames Republicans for polluting California, eventhough the state just got out of 8 years of Clintoon and 5 years of Davis. What a moron.


15 posted on 06/02/2004 9:00:45 PM PDT by Democratshavenobrains
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To: presidio9

"butt ugly California" and "tree engorged Oregon", my guess is he had quite a trip in the sack.


16 posted on 06/02/2004 10:05:49 PM PDT by BigSkyFreeper (John Kerry: An old creep, with gray hair, trying to look like he's 30 years old.)
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To: Gritty; Freedom4US
Maybe this is a stupid question, but is there such a thing as inorganic turkey?
17 posted on 06/03/2004 6:03:24 AM PDT by presidio9 (Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!)
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