Trojan Bore (REVIEW: Troy devoid of any notion of honor, destiny, gods, or reason to see it)

NY Post ^ | May 14, 2004 | Jonathan Foreman

[dead]

Clunky epic. Running time: 163 minutes. Rated R (violence, brief gore). At the Empire, the Lincoln Square, the Kips Bay, others.

IT'S perhaps unfair to expect contemporary Hollywood moviemakers to do justice to Homer's "Iliad" or the legends of the Trojan War that have inspired artists and writers through the centuries.

[Red Badger]

TROY IS HOMER-EROTICISM.................

[keithtoo]

I alwys thought Russel Crowe's character's name 'Maximus' sounded like something out of a bad Richard Roundtree movie.

Maximus!! BBBWWWWWAHHAHAHAHA! Why not "Biggus Badduss"

[Paul Atreides]

I can't wait to hear the reviews of DiCaprio as Alexander the Great.

[conservonator]

Indeed, the abundance of bare, muscular male chests and the absence of naked female flesh make it clear the filmmakers are anxious not to alienate their core audience of violence-loving 9-year-old boys.

or violence loveing gays who love 9 year old boys...

[birbear]

Ya know, I like Brad Pitt, but I never really saw him as as major action star. I always picture him as like a secondary character... like his role in Ocean's 11. He's too "cute".

Not like Mel Gibson, Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford and the like who are handsome, but look like they can take a punch without it horrifying their faces for years to come.

I put Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in the same category as Brad Pitt -- too cute to be serious "action" stars.

[Paul Atreides]

You gotta love a movie that casts movies according to who vapid teeny-boppers squeal over, at the mall. The irony is, most of those teeny-boppers have never heard of book.

[XJarhead]

Maybe someone like Mel Gibson could make a decent Iliad

It's sad to think of what Mel Gibson could have done with this story. He took the (comparatively) obscure story of William Wallace and turned it into an Oscar winner. Imagine what he could have done with the first great work of western literature.

[keithtoo]

Yeah. A buncha big tough sweaty guys in skirts! Hangin' (sic) out in the fields and acting as if they care about women, when we know all they care about is hangin' (sic) out with other sweaty men in skirts in the fields [wink, wink].

Then there's the wrasslin' part. Ooh baby, to be young and sweaty and Trojan and wearin' a cute skirt with other young sweaty skirt-wearin' men. AND WRASSLIN TOO!

I think the folks who make these connections tell more about themselves than they do about the people they are projecting motivation onto.

[socal_parrot]

"Bobby, do you like Gladiator movies?"

[macamadamia]

Ha! No kidding! Or, something out of Life of Brian. And did Crowe really have to cry to the point of drooling...Sheeesh. I don't want to see a protagonist cry that way. Keep it a little less.....drippy. And another nitpick, Maximus, a Roman military man, leaves his family and farm behind but apparently had no one to protect them?

[keithtoo]

"Meet Joe Dork"

[Just another Joe]

Trojan Man: "I'm here for HER pleasure!"

[tarheelswamprat]

FYI - The widescreen DVD of the 1961 movie "The 300 Spartans" starring Richard Egan and Sir Ralph Richardson, was just released on May 11th. I haven't seen this movie in over 15 years, and never in widescreen, so I'm looking forward to it! My hunch is it'll be much better than Troy.

[rabidralph]

Oh good, a Greek Ishtar.

[Alouette]

I thought the Odyssey was a lousy movie too.

I liked the Coen Brothers' adaptation.

[IamConservative]

Mancow in F-n-F this morning said it stunk and that the pillow biters would love it. Good enough for me to pass.

[js1138]

Yeah but are there any pretty ladies with swords in the movie ?

My idea of a woman is Sigourney Weaver carrying a flame thrower.

[bray]

Was this movie made in the Al Goreah Prison??? Rumsfield should resign over this movie....

Pray for W and Our Awesome Troops

[The Iguana]

It's sad to think of what Mel Gibson could have done with this story. He took the (comparatively) obscure story of William Wallace and turned it into an Oscar winner. Imagine what he could have done with the first great work of western literature.

Gibson would likely have embued it with transcendent values, but in fairness he took as many liberties with the history of William Wallace and his times as Petersen takes with The Iliad.

[meowmeow]

No gods?? Zeus does not like that. Hollyweird, prepare to be zotted!