Finally, The End Of Canada

ALMOST HALF of Canadians believe it is highly likely Canada will join the United States within ten years. That’s what an opinion poll, released on June 3 (2001) by EKOS Research Associates, a Canadian polling and research firm, tells us.

This isn’t really big news. It simply means that almost half of Canadians are willing to reconcile themselves with reality. Let’s face it: globalization is the way of the future. It can’t be stopped. That means that Canada’s destiny – being absorbed into the American empire -- is much closer than we think. As a Canadian, I can hardly wait.

I must admit: the supremacy of globalization and free trade fills me with an intoxicating sense of glee. After all, the victory of unrestrained international capitalism translates into market forces running unhindered in Canada, which, in turn, translates into a diminishment of Canadian "sovereignty" – that absurd joke that has imposed socialized health care, federal funding of bilingualism and multi-culturalism, and other intellectually-bankrupt policies, onto heavily-burdened Canadian taxpayers. Canadian governments will finally have to listen to the market, rather than to leftwing ideologues and elites, and shed the last remnants of the Canadian welfare state. And as multinational corporations gain power, and national barriers come tumbling down, the forces of deregulation and privatization will triumph, leaving Canadian socialism where it belongs – on the ash heap of history.

These developments will yield less government spending and low taxes, which will encourage stimulated savings and investment in the economy, which will mean more economic growth. More growth, meanwhile, will foster new jobs, products and factories, which, in turn, will lead to a better redistribution of wealth, as well as an increase in the standard of living for most Canadian citizens. And as government regulation will almost totally disappear, Canada will lose any ability to control incoming foreign investment. In this way, it will lose its ability to control its own economy – which is good. The pull to the south will become unstoppable.

The benefits of these developments will feed off of themselves. Just think about it: the Canadian government will no longer have an excuse to fund bilingualism, since the market, which reveals the preferences of people better than any government program can, will expose how economically irrational and unpopular it is. Canadian taxpayers will save millions of dollars. But it gets better: with the dismantling of official bilingualism, Quebec will finally come to terms with what it should have come to terms with long ago: it has no place in Canada. The good news, therefore, is that Quebec will finally separate. And good riddance.

And then, the good news really starts: with French Canada finally gone, English Canada will be blessed with losing its last pretence of possessing any unique characteristics whatsoever. With Quebec gone, English Canadians will no longer be able to say, "We’re not like those Americans," without someone else rejoining: "Oh? And how is that?" And there will be no answer, because there will be nothing to say. Canadian nationalists will finally have to admit the bitter truth: that Canadians are Americans in everything but name. The charade of how "we are different" will come to its long-awaited conclusion.

Finally Canadians will be able to free themselves from trying to be patriotic by insulting Americans. In this way, they will stop negatively stereotyping Americans -- a behavior which has always manifested a dark and ugly strain of hatred in the Canadian psyche. It is simply hilarious, in the most tragic sense, how Canadian nationalists have always prided themselves on their politically-correct tolerance and "multi-culturalism," while they have engaged in anti-Americanism -- a disposition, as sociologist Paul Hollander has demonstrated, that is directly related with racism, sexism, and anti-Semitism. In Canada, of course, it has always been legitimate to be a bigot, as long as it has involved hating Americans. We will soon be able to say goodbye to that pathological double-standard.

We will also be able to say goodbye to the endless smug complaining that many Canadians engage in about how "stupid" Americans are – since Americans do not know anything about us. The bottom line is that Americans in Los Angeles and New York City do not need to know anything about Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, nor about anything else Canadian. That’s because, no matter how much the truth hurts, it is still the truth: Canada is boring – always has been and always will be. Whenever I hear a Canadian mocking American ignorance about Canada, I always can’t help picturing some deadbeat loser and unaccomplished writer who keeps all of his works hidden in his desk, and has never published anything, but simultaneously sneers at the world for having never heard his name.

Just imagine all of the pain that we will spare ourselves once we join the United States. We will no longer have to victimize ourselves with those torturous and emotionally-excruciating conversations about Margaret Atwood and Pierre Berton, in which Canadian nationalists show their anti-American stripes by discussing novels that no human being outside of Canada has ever heard of, nor would ever read under sane circumstances. The celebration of mediocrity for the sake of defining ourselves as being "different" from "those Americans" will finally end.

Thus, with the end of Canada, Canadians will finally reconcile themselves to the fact that they have no separate identity, and that the identity that they think they have has actually been defined in negative opposition to Americans. We can finally stop telling ourselves who we are not, and start focusing on who we are: Americans. And when we do this, the Providential Godsend will be delivered: Canadians everywhere will be liberated from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, an entity that it takes masochism to tune into, and that wouldn’t survive five minutes if its life depended on the tastes and desires of Canadians themselves. We will finally face basic common sense: culture cannot be created artificially by tax payers’ money, and if there is not enough interest in a country to naturally keep a television or radio station afloat, than that country does not need a television or radio station.

The victory of globalization means the end of Canadian socialism. And the end of Canadian socialism means the end of Canada, because this nation is an artificial structure that is kept intact by nationalist and socialist elites who exploit their own citizens for the sake of keeping themselves in power. It’s time for the unrestrained forces of capitalism to prevail, so that we can finally abandon our pathetic fantasy of having a unique culture, let alone a unique anything. It’s time to become who we always were: Americans. Long live globalization

Hahaha.

What I meant was a little thanks for the tons of $$$ that proud Texans like Sam Rayburn and LBJ took from the productive parts of the country to help raise Texas up from third-world status to something approximating an American state.

That's not even including any accounting for what you did in the Civil War.

Again, I believe some gratitude is in order, not sass.

I come across this wet dream by some journalist or other about once a decade. I remember one from the early 60's that came with a map: the guy thought the capital of the combined country should be centrally located, so he selected Minneapolis-St. Paul. (That was in what is now the International Herald-Tribune, he may have been American).

One thing you leave out, just imagine if only alberta joined the US, even as only a territory; it would then be politically feasible to funnel virtually unlimited supplies of fresh water into the southwest. While other nations begin to scramble for the finite quantities of fossil fuels to support their huge populations, we would increase our arable land tenfold.

And once Alberta has shown the way, many of the rest will follow.

Actually, no constitutional amendment would be required in the United States. Article IV, Section 3 of the Constitution provides that Congress may admit new states. IIRC, all it takes is a majority vote of both houses.

I'm not saying that a Constitutional amendment has to be passed for the US to essentially annex the country next door. The 3/4 concept is a great model to use for acquiring Canada's "better assests," since it is required for something as important as adopting and implementing amendments to the Constitution.

I imagine the wisdom of Founding Fathers realized that a credible national consensus should precede changes to the Constitution. In my view so also should a Nationalization consensus be established -- on both sides of the current borders as evidenced by a 3/4 endorsement as voiced by the people --we who have to live with each other -- and as voiced by their representatives --affirmation of a unified philosophy of government in the US mold.

All citizens will pledge allegiance to the US, and all government entities will swear to uphold the US Constitution. That will change alot of the currently corrupting and nationally unsustainable social policy in Canada overnight, I'd guess.

Fair enough. But no national consensus by plebiscite was necessary when the stakes of statehood were much higher in the 1800s. Think Missouri Compromise.

Of course, the states appointed Senators then, which isn't true today. Now, there is no one to look out for the interests of federalism.

"We will absorb Canada and Mexico will absorb California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas."

Perhaps those limp wristed panty wastes in New Mexico, Arizona and that giant lump of crap, Kalifornia will become Mexico, but not Texas.

Oh yeah, "I'm packing", but not packing up to leave.

Texas joining Mexico? Somebody told you wrong!

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