Posted on 05/09/2004 5:42:13 PM PDT by SamAdams76
ALMOST HALF of Canadians believe it is highly likely Canada will join the United States within ten years. That’s what an opinion poll, released on June 3 (2001) by EKOS Research Associates, a Canadian polling and research firm, tells us.
This isn’t really big news. It simply means that almost half of Canadians are willing to reconcile themselves with reality. Let’s face it: globalization is the way of the future. It can’t be stopped. That means that Canada’s destiny – being absorbed into the American empire -- is much closer than we think. As a Canadian, I can hardly wait.
I must admit: the supremacy of globalization and free trade fills me with an intoxicating sense of glee. After all, the victory of unrestrained international capitalism translates into market forces running unhindered in Canada, which, in turn, translates into a diminishment of Canadian "sovereignty" – that absurd joke that has imposed socialized health care, federal funding of bilingualism and multi-culturalism, and other intellectually-bankrupt policies, onto heavily-burdened Canadian taxpayers. Canadian governments will finally have to listen to the market, rather than to leftwing ideologues and elites, and shed the last remnants of the Canadian welfare state. And as multinational corporations gain power, and national barriers come tumbling down, the forces of deregulation and privatization will triumph, leaving Canadian socialism where it belongs – on the ash heap of history.
These developments will yield less government spending and low taxes, which will encourage stimulated savings and investment in the economy, which will mean more economic growth. More growth, meanwhile, will foster new jobs, products and factories, which, in turn, will lead to a better redistribution of wealth, as well as an increase in the standard of living for most Canadian citizens. And as government regulation will almost totally disappear, Canada will lose any ability to control incoming foreign investment. In this way, it will lose its ability to control its own economy – which is good. The pull to the south will become unstoppable.
The benefits of these developments will feed off of themselves. Just think about it: the Canadian government will no longer have an excuse to fund bilingualism, since the market, which reveals the preferences of people better than any government program can, will expose how economically irrational and unpopular it is. Canadian taxpayers will save millions of dollars. But it gets better: with the dismantling of official bilingualism, Quebec will finally come to terms with what it should have come to terms with long ago: it has no place in Canada. The good news, therefore, is that Quebec will finally separate. And good riddance.
And then, the good news really starts: with French Canada finally gone, English Canada will be blessed with losing its last pretence of possessing any unique characteristics whatsoever. With Quebec gone, English Canadians will no longer be able to say, "We’re not like those Americans," without someone else rejoining: "Oh? And how is that?" And there will be no answer, because there will be nothing to say. Canadian nationalists will finally have to admit the bitter truth: that Canadians are Americans in everything but name. The charade of how "we are different" will come to its long-awaited conclusion.
Finally Canadians will be able to free themselves from trying to be patriotic by insulting Americans. In this way, they will stop negatively stereotyping Americans -- a behavior which has always manifested a dark and ugly strain of hatred in the Canadian psyche. It is simply hilarious, in the most tragic sense, how Canadian nationalists have always prided themselves on their politically-correct tolerance and "multi-culturalism," while they have engaged in anti-Americanism -- a disposition, as sociologist Paul Hollander has demonstrated, that is directly related with racism, sexism, and anti-Semitism. In Canada, of course, it has always been legitimate to be a bigot, as long as it has involved hating Americans. We will soon be able to say goodbye to that pathological double-standard.
We will also be able to say goodbye to the endless smug complaining that many Canadians engage in about how "stupid" Americans are – since Americans do not know anything about us. The bottom line is that Americans in Los Angeles and New York City do not need to know anything about Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, nor about anything else Canadian. That’s because, no matter how much the truth hurts, it is still the truth: Canada is boring – always has been and always will be. Whenever I hear a Canadian mocking American ignorance about Canada, I always can’t help picturing some deadbeat loser and unaccomplished writer who keeps all of his works hidden in his desk, and has never published anything, but simultaneously sneers at the world for having never heard his name.
Just imagine all of the pain that we will spare ourselves once we join the United States. We will no longer have to victimize ourselves with those torturous and emotionally-excruciating conversations about Margaret Atwood and Pierre Berton, in which Canadian nationalists show their anti-American stripes by discussing novels that no human being outside of Canada has ever heard of, nor would ever read under sane circumstances. The celebration of mediocrity for the sake of defining ourselves as being "different" from "those Americans" will finally end.
Thus, with the end of Canada, Canadians will finally reconcile themselves to the fact that they have no separate identity, and that the identity that they think they have has actually been defined in negative opposition to Americans. We can finally stop telling ourselves who we are not, and start focusing on who we are: Americans. And when we do this, the Providential Godsend will be delivered: Canadians everywhere will be liberated from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, an entity that it takes masochism to tune into, and that wouldn’t survive five minutes if its life depended on the tastes and desires of Canadians themselves. We will finally face basic common sense: culture cannot be created artificially by tax payers’ money, and if there is not enough interest in a country to naturally keep a television or radio station afloat, than that country does not need a television or radio station.
The victory of globalization means the end of Canadian socialism. And the end of Canadian socialism means the end of Canada, because this nation is an artificial structure that is kept intact by nationalist and socialist elites who exploit their own citizens for the sake of keeping themselves in power. It’s time for the unrestrained forces of capitalism to prevail, so that we can finally abandon our pathetic fantasy of having a unique culture, let alone a unique anything. It’s time to become who we always were: Americans. Long live globalization
Unless, as part of a package deal, California is given back to Mexico... costing the Democrats 54 electoral votes, etc.
Not necessarily. There's a strong conservative resistance that we don't usually hear about down here. Check out Republic of Alberta.
Bad idea. If they won't repent of being French, we don't want them. Note my tagline -- it refers to a distant ancestor whom the French tried to exterminate.
Yup. Didn't work worth a holler in hell, did it? ;)
But, as an American who has long followed Canadian politics, I can tell you that every Canadian I've ever talked to sees union with the US as a fear, not as a hope. There are obviously a few in the two above provinces that don't feel that way, but even conservatively-minded Canadians are proud of their country.
Don't mistake the current Liberal government (Chrétien/Martin) for what Canada is like all the time. Heck, even we elected Clinton for 2 terms! As I write this, I'm waiting to hear if Martin is going to call the Canadian federal election for June 28th. If he does, the next Canadian Prime Minister may be Stephen Harper of the Conservatives (yeah I know the 5/8/04 Ipsos-Reid poll suggests the Liberals are recovering, but I'm not sure I believe it). If that happens and if, God forbid, Kerry wins in November, Canada will have a more conservative government than the US!
No dice. We don't want the populous liberal eastern provinces screwing up our politics even more.
My solution: Split the sheets in both countries, and we get Manitoba and everything west of it including the territories (unless the Indians in Nunavut and the old Northwest Territories, want to go it alone), Quebec becomes an independent Francophone country, and eastern Canada has to take New England whom we'll kick out of the Union, together with the entire right bank of the Hudson from Montauk Point to the Fishkill River. We keep the rest of upstate New York and Bedloes Island and all of the Hudson River, the boundary being at the low-water mark on the right bank. We drop the Hudson River bridges in the harbor (except for the Narrows), sink the ferries, and dynamite the tunnel and embargo everything east of the boundary. Joizy and Perth Amboy become the entrepot. And Staten Island, I guess.
So Canada gets Barney Frank, Hillary, Slick, Charlie Schumer, the whole Kennedy family, and Penny Collins, Olympia Snowe, and Sen. Jeffords. We get the Athabaska Tar Sands, the Alberta oil fields and frontier-gas play, immense lakes, all the gold left in the Yukon, and a ton of prairie-province wheat, plus real estate that will only become more valuable with global warming, including the Arctic archipelago, whose mineral potential is practically untested.
Sound like a plan?
In the States, all the "mainstream media" are suddenly as foreign-national de jure as they've always been de facto, and all of a sudden the country's political center of gravity is the Midwest, home of Rush Limbaugh and John Ashcroft, politically and geographically halfway between the Old Confederacy and the Left Coast, which will suddenly begin to discover new depths of meaning in the word "patronize".
Sounds even better, doesn't it?
Technically not a dual ping or post.
;<)
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