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James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin
The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^
| April 25, 2004
| James Lileks
Posted on 04/24/2004 3:46:43 PM PDT by quidnunc
It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!
You know, BLENDER?
So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.
Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.
Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)
But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:
1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.
-snip-
(Excerpt) Read more at startribune.com ...
TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News
KEYWORDS: badmusic; badsongs; blender; music; ohnonotagain; popculture; redstartribune; rockandorroll; rockandroll; rockmusic; schlockanddroll; waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa; worstoflists
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To: CobaltBlue
"Now wait a minnit! Mexican Radio is genius! What is wrong with you people?"
I don't know about genius, but it's a fun little novelty song.
To which let me add "The future's so bright (I got to wear shades)" by Timbuk3. Kinda silly, but at one time it reflected my outlook pretty well. Nostalgia seems to make objective judgements about music pretty much impossible.
I study nuclear science, I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doin' all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright I gotta wear shades
I got a job waiting for my graduation
50 thou' and year will buy a lot of beer
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doin' all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright I gotta wear shades
Well I'm heavenly blessed and worldly wise
I'm a peeping tom techie with x-ray eyes
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doin' all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright I gotta wear shades
I study nuclear science, I love my classes
I got a crazy teacher, he wears dark glasses
Things are going great, and they're only getting better
I'm doin' all right, getting good grades
The future's so bright I gotta wear shades
I gotta wear shades...
561
posted on
04/26/2004 7:38:23 AM PDT
by
-YYZ-
To: Hand em their arse
Can anyone listen to "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow" without absolutley losing their lunch anymore???"
Arghhhh! You beat me to it.
562
posted on
04/26/2004 7:39:59 AM PDT
by
bk1000
(error 404- failed to get tag line)
To: shelterguy
"Does that Merlot stuff come in 12 packs"
I seen it in a big 2 quart box. Dunno, sounds kind of metrosexual to me.
563
posted on
04/26/2004 7:52:20 AM PDT
by
bk1000
(error 404- failed to get tag line)
To: sully777
You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille 400 children and a crop in the field I thought it went:
You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille
You b----, you s---, you w----!
4 hungry children
and a crop in the field
You b----, you s---, you w----!
To: sully777
'Alone Again (Naturally) -- Gilbert o'Sullivan"
OK, you asked for it...How about "I can dance" , by Leo Sayer
565
posted on
04/26/2004 8:02:03 AM PDT
by
bk1000
(error 404- failed to get tag line)
To: quidnunc
Gotta be one of the worst - and a lie to boot!
(IF YOU'RE GOING TO) SAN FRANCISCO
If you're going to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hand
If you're going to San Francisco
You will meet some gentle people then
ad nauseum
sung by Scott McKenzie, 1967
566
posted on
04/26/2004 8:08:57 AM PDT
by
eleni121
(Preempt and Prevent---then Destroy)
To: cyborg
"Bryan Adams? LOL"
Here's something I've often wondered about Bryan Adams and his song "The summer of '69": how old was he in '69, anyway? Well, a quick search reveals that he was born in '59, making him a bit older than me, but not old enough to have experienced the things he sings about in that song, at least not in '69. Purely calculated for commercial appeal to boomers is my guess.
567
posted on
04/26/2004 8:20:44 AM PDT
by
-YYZ-
To: -YYZ-
I wonder what Bryan Adams is doing these days.
568
posted on
04/26/2004 8:28:59 AM PDT
by
cyborg
To: quidnunc
"Playground in My Mind" by Clint Holmes
My Name is Michael
I've got a Nickel
I've got a Nickel Shiny and New
I'm gonna Buy Me
All Kinds of Candy
That's What I'm gonna do!
To: quidnunc
The Wall - Pink Floyd. I never understood their so called musical genius
570
posted on
04/26/2004 8:38:01 AM PDT
by
MJM59
To: cyborg
"I wonder what Bryan Adams is doing these days."
I'd have to say I don't, I really don't. He had a few good tunes early on, of which I might even include "'69", but then he turned into a syrupy ballad singer "Everything I do", and I hate that crap.
571
posted on
04/26/2004 8:44:23 AM PDT
by
-YYZ-
To: dfwgator
LOL. That's the one I remember. It's a lot more fun with the audience participation.
572
posted on
04/26/2004 9:01:41 AM PDT
by
babaloo999
(Zionist troll since 2001)
To: Tribune7
'Cause Little Willy, Willy won't...go home...
573
posted on
04/26/2004 9:04:02 AM PDT
by
TheBigB
(FINALLY got my FReepin' profile page done! :))
To: CobaltBlue
[John] Denver's voice annoyed me sooooo much. When I was a kid, I thought "Thank God I'm A Country Boy" was the coolest song ever. I still like it. :)
574
posted on
04/26/2004 9:05:50 AM PDT
by
TheBigB
(FINALLY got my FReepin' profile page done! :))
To: ishabibble
You're absolutely right. That one is going to be the only scratchy record on the jukebox in Hell.
575
posted on
04/26/2004 9:08:46 AM PDT
by
6323cd
To: BSunday
I live upstars from you...yes I think you've seen me before...
Just wanted to ruin your Monday. ;-)
576
posted on
04/26/2004 9:12:42 AM PDT
by
TheBigB
(FINALLY got my FReepin' profile page done! :))
To: L.N. Smithee
The guitar solo on "Oh, Well" does go on too long, but it's not annoying, just self-indulgent. IMO.
To: Barlowmaker
I don't know that song but it sounds really, really bad.
578
posted on
04/26/2004 9:29:43 AM PDT
by
Tribune7
(Vote Toomey April 27)
To: -YYZ-
I like that song too. I always took it as a real middle-finger waved at anti-Reagan lefties.
579
posted on
04/26/2004 9:31:20 AM PDT
by
Tribune7
(Vote Toomey April 27)
To: eleni121
"flowers in your hair"
"gentle people there"
It rhymes. Not that it really matters . . . . still a dumb song. But it gets a pass because it does have historical value. There were plenty of nice hippies, and plenty of not-nice hippies.
It was a nice contrast to Nancy Sinatra, and that ilk, I thought.
But then, I like this:
I'm just mad about Saffron
Saffron's mad about me
I'm just mad about Saffron
She's just mad about me
{Refrain}
They call me mellow yellow
Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow
Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow
I'm just mad about Fourteen
Fourteen's mad about me
I'm just mad about Fourteen
She's just mad about me
{Refrain}
Born high forever to fly
Wind velocity nil
Born high forever to fly
If you want your cup I will fill
{Refrain}
So mellow, he's so yellow
Electrical banana
Is gonna be a sudden craze
Electrical banana
Is bound to be the very next phase
They call it mellow yellow
Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow
Quite rightly
They call me mellow yellow
Saffron - yeah
I'm just mad about her
I'm just mad about Saffron
She's just mad about me
{Refrain}
Oh so yellow, oh so mellow
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/clipserve/B00000ICNY001001/0/103-9914959-2984660
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