James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | April 25, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!

You know, BLENDER?

So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.

Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:

1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.

-snip-

[sully777]

I don't get it?

[sully777]

Neil Yuck! Who did he sleep with to get anywhere?

Ugly. Nasty. Commy Canadian Puke.

Well I hope Neil Young will remember
that a southern man
dont need him around anyhow--Sweet Home Alabama

[weegee]

Chewy Chewy was the follow up to Sugar Sugar. All of those Katzenberg-Katz songs were recorded by studio musicians.

They offered to make a song for the New York Dolls. None of the NYDolls would have actually played on the song but it would have been their first chart hit.

[weegee]

Neil Young owns Lionel Trains, I believe.

[Lazamataz]

I don't get it. What's the song "Tiny Dancer" about?

I must be getting all old and unhip and stuff. :^/

[King Prout]

I beg to differ.
"Detroit Rock City" by KISS, all by itself, explodes that statement.
That is a ROCKIN' tune.

but you are right on the money overall: the gestalt of the '70's blew. bigtime.

[King Prout]

oh, my, yes... that song, the original and the recent remake, is quite irritating.

[King Prout]

"Barroom Blitz"
and I kinda like that song, in limited doses.

[King Prout]

overall, Queen's "A Night at the Opera" is excellent. They tend to get a bit bombastic in the middle solos, but otherwise some very solid work. "Prophet's Song" and "39" are quite potent.

As to Floyd, their "Wish You Were Here" and "Dark Side of the Moon" are musically far better than "the Wall"

[King Prout]

the "Pina Colada" song itself should be in the Top 10 of this list.

[King Prout]

oh, god...
I can actually hear such a mix in my head now.
thanks.
heaps.

[King Prout]

Oh, I have heard it, but I think BS's "Tambourine Man" is infinitely worse.

[Lancey Howard]

Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog.
At my wedding, I told the band that if they played that song I would smash their instruments over their speakers. Fortunately, they took me very seriously.

[College Repub]

I believe the song was called "Joy to the world"

[6ppc]

Rap. Definately a rap song.

Worst song ever implies that it must be music. Rap ain't music!

[MeekOneGOP]

I just listened to the William Shatner. I liked him better on Star Trek, lol.

Slow getting back on replies today. My Power Supply went out on my 'puter this morning and just replaced it.

Back up and running again now ....

[Vigilanteman]

Didn't BC use that song as his campaign theme back in '92?

Yep. Any wonder I hate the song?

[4mycountry]

Wow.

All I do is sweat when I have a fever.

[King Prout]

I used to be so fortunate.

perhaps it is senility :)

[Lancey Howard]

Yeah. Joy to the world. All the boys and girls.
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.
Puke.