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James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin
The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^
| April 25, 2004
| James Lileks
Posted on 04/24/2004 3:46:43 PM PDT by quidnunc
It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!
You know, BLENDER?
So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.
Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.
Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)
But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:
1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.
-snip-
(Excerpt) Read more at startribune.com ...
TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News
KEYWORDS: badmusic; badsongs; blender; music; ohnonotagain; popculture; redstartribune; rockandorroll; rockandroll; rockmusic; schlockanddroll; waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa; worstoflists
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To: nuconvert
To: cowtowney
The link is broken.
262
posted on
04/24/2004 7:20:06 PM PDT
by
FreedomCalls
(It's the "Statue of Liberty," not the "Statue of Security.")
To: College Repub
I nominate the song 'Havin My Baby' as one of the worst rock songs. Don't know who did it because I never listened to it all the way to end to find out.
To: Rightwing Conspiratr1
Foreigner's "Cold as Ice"
Ah yes! The song that took Sesame Street's theme song intro and turned it into a constant, annoying hook. Next time you listen to the intro, start singing:
Come and play
everything's okay
264
posted on
04/24/2004 7:21:38 PM PDT
by
sully777
(Our descendants will be enslaved by political expediency and expenditure)
To: FreedomCalls
265
posted on
04/24/2004 7:21:53 PM PDT
by
weegee
(Maybe Urban Outfitters should sell t-shirts that say "Voting Democrat is for Old Dead People.")
To: Hand em their arse
The worst songs are ones that we never heard of.
The Four Lads had a song sandwiched between "Moments to Remember" and "Standing On The Corner", called "The Average Jeraffe". The words went something like this:
Oliooa onga, wonga, aukie, gauckie, thats the average geraff.
Honest, it was horrable so no one heard of it.
266
posted on
04/24/2004 7:27:05 PM PDT
by
AGreatPer
(God Bless RJayneJ, we will miss her.)
To: Vigilanteman
Thanks to Stainmaster, Sweet's "Little Willie" has gone from a forgettable seventies ditty to a hilarious novelty piece. Just listen to the lyrics very carefully...
To: quidnunc
Sugar, honey honey (or something like that) is the all time worst song ever bar none i don't care what anyone else says
mellow yellow makes me turn the radio off
268
posted on
04/24/2004 7:30:13 PM PDT
by
xzins
(Retired Army and Proud of It!)
To: A Jovial Cad
I would think higher of the song were it not for the "Benny! Benny Benny! Benny" in the chorus. It's almost as bad as the endless "Nah nah nah nah nah nah" in "Hey Jude".
To: sully777
Gonna go to Tijuana
Eat some barbequed iguana
I'm on the Mexican whoa-oh
Radio
270
posted on
04/24/2004 7:31:01 PM PDT
by
Doohickey
("This is a hard and dirty war, but when it's over, nothing will ever be too difficult again.”)
To: weegee
OMG, that is DREADFUL!
271
posted on
04/24/2004 7:32:13 PM PDT
by
Howlin
To: nuconvert
Worst rock song ever?
Easy.
"My baby does the hanky panky"
Tommy James and the Shondells
272
posted on
04/24/2004 7:32:31 PM PDT
by
Valin
(Hating people is like burning down your house to kill a rat)
To: Luis Gonzalez; Willie Green; eddie willers
How on earth did this thread get this many posts without this song?
YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE (Debbie Boone)
So many nights I sit by my window
Waiting for someone to sing me his song
So many dreams I kept deep inside me
Alone in the dark but now
You've come along
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
Rollin' at sea, adrift on the water
Could it be finally I'm turning for home?
Finally, a chance to say hey,
I love You
Never again to be all alone
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
You light up my life
You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song
It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'Cause You
You light up my life
273
posted on
04/24/2004 7:33:29 PM PDT
by
Howlin
To: weegee
Maybe they could reunite and tour with Phantom Planet.
To: inkling
My pretty obvious choice for REALLY Bad Song is "Afternoon Delight" by Starland Vocal Band. But you could add in anything by Air Supply, Seals & Croft, Christopher Cross and all the other wussy-rockers played on the radio in the 70s and 80s. Well, they're all excellent choices. But I cast my vote for anything by K. C. and the Sunshine Band, particulary that monstrosity That's the way (uh-huh, uh-huh) I like it.
Now you've done it. It will be two days before I get that disgusting tune out of my head.
275
posted on
04/24/2004 7:35:38 PM PDT
by
Euro-American Scum
(A poverty-stricken middle class must be a disarmed middle class)
To: inkling
My pretty obvious choice for REALLY Bad Song is "Afternoon Delight" by Starland Vocal Band. But you could add in anything by Air Supply*sniff* I like those songs... :((
276
posted on
04/24/2004 7:37:15 PM PDT
by
skinkinthegrass
(Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you :)
To: Mike Darancette
"Havin' My Baby" I'll see your "Havin' My Baby" and raise you "Torn Between Two Lovers".
277
posted on
04/24/2004 7:37:21 PM PDT
by
Euro-American Scum
(A poverty-stricken middle class must be a disarmed middle class)
To: Howlin
I don't have to have the bad tracks!John allowed WAY too many Yoko songs to slip through the cracks. I do believe one album may have 50/50 Lennon/Ono tunes. Beware. Demand half-price...
278
posted on
04/24/2004 7:38:04 PM PDT
by
Libloather
(There isn't enough Levitra on the planet to keep Kerry in this game...)
To: Valin
LoL.
Oh, you can do better than that.
279
posted on
04/24/2004 7:38:17 PM PDT
by
nuconvert
("America will never be intimidated by thugs and assassins." ...( Azadi baraye Iran)
To: Libloather
Way too many? How about all of them?
280
posted on
04/24/2004 7:38:48 PM PDT
by
Howlin
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