James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | April 25, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!

You know, BLENDER?

So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.

Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:

1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.

-snip-

[King Prout]

I remember what I was doing when I heard that Lennon had been shot...
LMAO, that's what.

[King Prout]

eggzackley

[Rightwing Conspiratr1]

"Do you really want to hurt me" Boy George. my skin CRAWLS just typing the title of that abomination

It's okay. We all wanted to hurt him, but the age of PC had already been ushered in.

[philo]

I still have that album

[THUNDER ROAD]

My first thought for worst song is always
"You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Boone.

I was wondering how long this would go
without someone mentioning that dirge !

I agree one of the Worst Ever !

......THUNDER......

[King Prout]

I hear that damned cheap wailing slut whine... and my hand itches for the handle of a 16lb sledgehammer

[Migraine]

Psycho, not quite so fast. There is "Mellow Yellow" to deal with.

Except that Donovan outfagged that one when he did "Dear Suzie":
"To Suzie on the west coast waiting;
From Randy in vee-yet-nam fighting;
To Suzie on the west coast waiting;
From Randy sup-po-zed-ly hating..."

I also hated "Sky Pilot" by some wiener.

And, ta-da, as I duck the oncoming fusillade: I DESPISED Jimi Hendrix's "Star Spangled Banner". It was done irreverently and purposely so. He was a great artist, but that one made me glad to see him go. OK, OK, I'm duckin'; I'm duckin' :)

So. I guess you could say, stupid anti-war, John Effin Kerry type songs piss me off and torque my tamales the most.

[sully777]

"Do you really want to hurt me" Boy George. my skin CRAWLS just typing the title of that abomination

It's okay. We all wanted to hurt him, but the age of PC had already been ushered in.

---

By the looks of his last appearance on VH-1 I Love The 80's Strikes Back and the hilarious interview on The Daily Show about four years ago, I'd say George O'Dowd wouldn't mind being hurt. And that's being polite about his fetishes.

[Rightwing Conspiratr1]

Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

It's not a bad choice. It is a pretty awful song. Sadly a few of their other choices were good songs that were overplayed until you wanted to walk down to the local radio station with an AK-47 and take them off the air. But if they were good enough to be overplayed until your ears started bleeding, then they must have been a good song at some point. Hmmm...

[chickenlips]

"Muskrat Love" is second behind "Disco Duck".

[badgerlandjim]

I'll see all your awful songs and raise you an imaginary rendition of 'Tiptoe Through The Tulips' by the trio of Yoko Ono, William Shatner and Slim Whitman ... WOW! Too horrible to even contemplate...

[Doohickey]

OMG, I was able to resist listening to that the first time it was linked. I'll get you for this!

[Alouette]

Worst song, worst song. My current nomination for "worst song" goes to "I Put Your Picture Away". No tune, idiotic lyrics, and Sheryl Crow. Runner up: "Goodbye Earl".

[weegee]

The murder of John Lennon made him a martyr rather than letting people constantly see how self-absorbed and snotty he could be. For a man who preached "peace and love", he sure harbored a LOT of hate.

It would have been better to see him discredited as a hypocrite.

[The Coopster]

"Afternoon Delight".....

[dts32041]

We sir are in a minority, I have always preferred the the mercy beat, them, yardbirds and animals, to the plastic beetles.

[RightWingAtheist]

Sorry, but that organ gets on my nerves. A Detroit radio station was put out a pretty funny parody called "96 Beers" about eleven years ago.

[sully777]

Worst Heavy Metal song?

Hocus Pocus and the remake from some 80's hairband. Original song by Focus was really rockin', then you thought it was weird, then it was an oddity, finally it was as annoying as 'roids. 80's remake was much much much worse.

[weegee]

"Sky Pilot" by some wiener.

And, ta-da, as I duck the oncoming fusillade: I DESPISED Jimi Hendrix's

Eric Burdon a band he called The Animals (actually totally different musicians than the original Animals) recorded Sky Pilot.

Eric Burdon was good friends with Jimi Hendrix and he was the one who received the first call when Jimi would not get up.

[Rightwing Conspiratr1]

Just for example... Foreigner's "Cold as Ice". It was a good song for about 3 weeks, but for some reason DJ's got the notion (probably payola related) that it had to be played between every 5th song; and after about 45 weeks one wanted to shoot anyone humming it. I think it may also have been a secret military psychological experiment gone awry.