James Lileks: Worst Rock Song Ever? Give This a Spin

The Minneapolis/St Paul Star Tribune ^ | April 25, 2004 | James Lileks

[quidnunc]

It's the list of the 50 Worst Rock Songs Ever — and it surely must be authoritative, because it comes from Blender magazine!

You know, BLENDER?

So I'm not the only one who doesn't read it. Good. Anyway, Blender names the worst rock hit in human history. It's "We Built This City (on Rock 'n Roll)" by Starship.

Good choice. To assert that one can build a city on rock 'n' roll is simply bad urban theory. It is safe to say that rock 'n' roll provides an insufficient means of providing the infrastructure necessary for a large urban environment. If we could take the point further, any architect will tell you that a prerequisite for skyscraper construction is a sheet of thick rock into which the steel superstructure can be anchored. If you build a city on rock 'n' roll, as opposed to schist, your buildings will simply fall over and kill thousands.

Then there's the music. Empty '80s bombast married to '60s narcissism: surefire horror. "Starship" was another incarnation of Jefferson Airplane, a trippy Haight-Ashbury remnant best known for Grace Slick droning the interminable lyrics of "White Rabbit," a song that seemed to last for the entire Nixon presidency. (Both terms.)

But worst ever? I don't think so. Every generation moves the goal posts for the Worst Song Ever. Great-Grandpa thought that "The Horseradish Rag" was the Worst Song Ever, and Grandpa couldn't hear "I'm a Flapper in a Flivver" without spitting on the ground, and so forth. Hence most of my worst songs are from the '70s — to my weary ears, the absolute nadir of pop music. That's when pop split up into several irreconcilable factions:

1. Well-produced stoner operas for dateless guys whose idea of a Friday night was sitting in a dark dorm room, wearing headphones, waiting for a girl. Or the pizza. Or maybe a girl with a pizza! OK, just the pizza. She wouldn't understand this album anyway.

-snip-

[King Prout]

(yoohoo? fever-dude-->me)
If you could find that remix and gimme the make/model info on it, I'd appreciate it.

[Doohickey]

By Wall of Voodoo? That shouldn't count, because it's awful on purpose!

"Sex" by Berlin belongs on this list too.

[shelterguy]

Finally, someone else able to come out and say that the Beetles suck. I never could stand them but thought it must just me since we are all told constantly that they are the greatest thing ever.

[King Prout]

never heard of them. what an enigma...

[sully777]

Honey and Alone Again (Naturally) is someone's idea of good entertainment? Maybe in Saddam's torture chambers.

[King Prout]

the Beatles suck.
(well, they were "ok" but died by massive overplay, massive overhype, and massive leftist googoo DUhmmitude)
if I never hear another Beatles song, that'll be just fine.

[sully777]

I'm on
a Mexican
wo-oh
radio

[FreedomCalls]

Yeah, but how much is that doggie in the window?

[shelterguy]

Maybe we could form a support group.

[phil1750]

Worst ever? easy

Imagine by the beatles

[King Prout]

Adam Ant. "Goodie Two Shoes"

omg, no one has mentioned the following yet:
"Do you really want to hurt me" Boy George.
my skin CRAWLS just typing the title of that abomination

[MsGail61]

My first thought for worst song is always "You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Boone.

[King Prout]

"Imagine" was ALL John Lennon's fault - the Beatles were long defunct by that time

[Rightwing Conspiratr1]

Seasons in the Sun has got to be in the top ten.

[sully777]

I would put Hello Goodbye and ALL SONGS from Lennon's last album Double Fantasy on the worst rock songs list. Only John Lennon could get away with calling Paul McCartney names while sailing the ship of fools known as the Plastic Ono Band.

[King Prout]

"Waiting On Paul McCartney To Die"
WOPMTD
WOPMaTed?

[phil1750]

My mistake. Regardless, the words are straight socialist manifesto. And to think, the guy that capped lennon was actually arrested for that kindness to mankind

[King Prout]

Yeah, Double Vomitfest was a dog all the way around the block.

[sully777]

Robin Williams Live in San Fransisco HBO Special

Boy George is singing to a bunch of southerners

"Do you really want to hurt me"

(shooting sound) YES WE DO!

[djf]

"Afternoon Delight". Makes me barf. I'm giving it more credit than due, by asserting it was written by a nine year old.