Posted on 04/11/2004 3:13:10 PM PDT by quidnunc
I've never met a vegetarian I liked. Believe me, I've met my share and have more than an intimate knowledge of the subject having closely researched it for the best part of 15 years.
The mung bean mafia are generally prone to flatulence, have poor personal hygiene, make terrible dinner companions and share a gastronomic gene pool with those disposed toward mass murder and violence. And quite possibly fat.
Case study one: Adolf Hitler was a herbivore. The Dalai Lama is not.
Case study two: Russell Crowe's past crankiness and weight problems can be blamed on a vegetarian diet and method acting. Had he stuck to the fruit of the cow/sheep/pig/chicken or whatever-it-is-they-put-in-pies/sausage rolls* he could be as slim as a super model.
It's true. An Austrian anthropologist studied the skeletons of 70 gladiators and discovered the mighty Roman warriors men you'd expect to use their jaws to tear strips of raw meat from thick animal bones were, well, vegetarians.
"They ate mainly barley, beans and dried fruit," Karl Grossschmidt of Austria's Institute of Archaeology reported. "This diet, which has been mentioned in the oral history, is rather sad, but it gave the gladiators a lot of strength even if it made them fat."
Fat and cranky that is. Grossschmidt's studies go on to clear up one important gladiator myth: the fighters did not wear leather thongs. While they did share murderous qualities with the rest of the carrot clique, it is good to know that they did not share their awful dress sense.
So much bile must have a source. So the time has come in this column to make the difficult admission that I was once a long-term vegetarian. Unfortunately I'm currently in remission so there is a lot of self-loathing going on (not to mention malodorous explosions, bad clothes and anti-Semitic thoughts).
-snip-
(Excerpt) Read more at theaustralian.news.com.au ...
That's why you should only eat vegetarians who take dietary supplements.
I can see it like a charm:
Someone's next advertising campaign: 'Helps build strong bodies thirteen ways.'
Well, run it up the flagpole and see who salutes it.
A lot of vegetarians are weak due to the lack of protein and B vitamins that build muscle they should get from red meat.
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Yeah, and funny-lookin' too... |
I pick item two.
So the time has come in this column to make the difficult admission that I was once a long-term vegetarian. Unfortunately I'm currently in remission so there is a lot of self-loathing going on (not to mention malodorous explosions, bad clothes and anti-Semitic thoughts).In fact, I've wasted 15 years on tofu and beans and now I want to bite the cow again. I want to gnaw a sheep, get some pig on the palate, chew a chicken. But the pernicious vegetarian diet is hard to shake. There is no Vegetables Anonymous, no "sponsor" I can ring when I get the urge to pass on a sausage or a four'n'twenty.
America's Fifth Column ... watch PBS documentary JIHAD! In America
http://12thman.us/media/jihad.rm (Requires RealPlayer)
The vegetarians that I know are usually bigtime liberals with all the trimmings. They got the Birkenstocks, burn incense, listen to a lot of 60s psychedelic rock and think George Bush is evil. They also want to save the rain forests, the whales, and they don't want the towns to spray for mosquitoes.
Option three, actually. He became a vegetarian because it was the only diet that didn't give him indigestion.
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