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Mark Steyn: Knowns, unknowns and the Ketchup Kid
The Telegraph (U.K.) ^ | 01/27/04 | Mark Steyn

Posted on 01/26/2004 5:00:43 PM PST by Pokey78

The American media are all excited about a new poll showing that, come the election, Massachusetts Senator John Kerry would beat George W Bush by 49 per cent to 46 per cent. Back in September, they were all excited about a poll showing Gen Wesley Clark would beat Bush by – guess what? – 49 per cent to 46 per cent. Even the lively Vermont governor Howard Dean had a poll putting him within the margin of error against Bush. Yet here we are just a few months later: the Vermonster self-detonated on Iowa caucus night, and Gen Clark will be lucky to hold on to fourth place in today's New Hampshire primary.

I know a lot of folks on both sides of the Atlantic are salivating at the arrogant Texas cowboy's impending demise, but these polls are meaningless for several reasons, the most important of which is that they're measuring a "known" – Bush – against an "unknown" – some hitherto obscure figure suddenly proclaimed as the Democratic frontrunner. When the unknown becomes known, his numbers slide and the media and the Dems go off in search of a new white knight. Last week, things were so desperate that the only fellow left for the white-knight role was John Kerry, Vietnam veteran and spouse of ketchup heiress Theresa Heinz. Hitherto, the somnolent Kerry had been written off as remote and detached, but these are small sins next to angry (Dean) and kooky (Clark). The Ketchup Kid is a default choice, the least unwhite knight. In the weeks ahead, he too will become known.

In New Hampshire, it's already happening. I don't believe these polls showing him with a double-digit lead. Here's my sense of how things will go today, based on nothing more scientific than a weekend winter-sports break over on the eastern side of the state and a chat with the waitress in the Littleton Diner on the way back to my pad in western New Hampshire. She'd had pretty much every candidate host events at the diner except Dean and Lyndon Larouche, whose campaign wanted to hold a shindig there but got turned down. Larouche is the guy who thinks the Queen is an international drugs kingpin (or, in this case, queenpin) secretly running the world on her cocaine profits. Compared with some of the wackier utterances of Dean and Clark, the House of Windsor drug cartel is one of the less fanciful notions this primary season. At the rate the white knights are tripping over their feet of clay, Larouche could well be the frontrunner by March, with his face on the cover of Newsweek and a poll showing he'd beat Bush 49 per cent to 46 per cent, if Prince Philip doesn't have him taken out by a hit team first.

But, barring a Larouche surge, my bet for today's vote is as follows:

1) Senator John Kerry 29 per cent
2) Governor Howard Dean 28 per cent
3) Senator John Edwards 19 per cent
4) Senator Joe Lieberman 12 per cent
5) General Wesley Clark 10 per cent
6) Everybody else 2 per cent

You can have a good laugh about these predictions tomorrow morning.

If it sounds a bit crass to reduce the whole business to Hit Parade rankings, well, don't blame me. After spending the best part of a year listening to the Democrats' strolling minstrels strumming their way round the White Mountains, I'm staggered by how little any of them have to say. If you go to a Kerry rally – something of an oxymoron, but let that pass – the senator's stump speech is a karaoke tape of floppo populist boilerplate. If he'd downloaded it for free from the internet, that'd be one thing. Instead, he paid a small fortune to hotshot consultant Bob Shrum, who promptly faxed over the same old generic guff he keeps in the freezer: "I (insert name here) will never stop fighting for ordinary people against the powerful interests that stand in your way."

This shtick worked so well for Shrum's previous clients - President Dick Gephardt (1988), President Bob Kerrey (1992), President Al Gore (2000) and President Insert Namehere (2008) that he evidently sees no reason why it shouldn't elect a fifth president this time round. Throw in a few mandatory sneering references to Enron, Halliburton and Attorney-General John Ashcroft plus a handful of local hard-luck stories of doubtful general application – "47-year-old Arlene Claxton of Hooksett worked 20 years to build up her hairdressing business only to contract a rare skin disease from a conditioner manufactured overseas by corporations George W Bush has given tax breaks to in order to export American jobs abroad to jurisdictions lacking environmental safeguards thanks to a sweetheart deal negotiated by a lobbyist for Halliburton and then learnt that her health insurer wouldn't cover the cost of treatment because etc etc."

Sen John Edwards, the pretty-boy southern lawyer, does a much better job of this sort of thing. I caught him at Gorham Town Hall way up in the mountains on Saturday morning. It was a brutally cold morning – 40 degrees below freezing – but the place was packed and we all came away enthused, unlike at a Kerry rally where you come away trying not to think about why you're not enthused. Next to the groggy, haggard Kerry, Edwards has a fabulous, glowing complexion. In Gorham, surrounded by leathery weatherbeaten chapped blotched Yankee faces on all sides, the North Carolina trial lawyer looked like a star. If he'd taken my question, I'd have asked him for the name of his moisturiser. True, his stump speech often sounds less like a political platform and more like a laundry list of class-action suits he'd like to get a piece of – we need to act against credit card companies that charge excessive interest etc – and he has nothing of interest to say about the war. But his qualified support – or qualified lack of support – seems to suit a Democratic electorate that recoils from Joe Lieberman's full-throated backing of the Iraq liberation and isn't quite suicidal enough to nail its colours to the mast of the fruitcake anti-war Left.

That's the real story here: for all Howard Dean's talk that you can't beat Bush with "Bush Lite", the candidates who'll survive to the southern primaries next week are doing their best not to sound anti-war, anti-tax cuts or anti-guns. In other words, even in the Democratic primary, this election's now being fought on Republican terms.


TOPICS: Editorial; News/Current Events; Politics/Elections; US: Massachusetts; US: New Hampshire
KEYWORDS: 2004; dean; johndean; johnkerry; kerry; marksteyn; marksteynlist
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To: BigSkyFreeper
Someone confronted me last night about this poll showing Kerry beating Bush by 3 points, wanted my take on it, and I said this poll is irrelevant. They then said "Why?"

I would have told him it was a New Hampshire poll.

Something Newsweak and the media didn't tell ya.

21 posted on 01/26/2004 5:43:30 PM PST by woofer
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To: Dog Gone
Malone's take on the Democratic and Republican Strategies.

And be sure to check out our sponsor :

Ray PohPeal's Showtime Campaign Rotisserie Broiler

22 posted on 01/26/2004 5:45:06 PM PST by Common Tator
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To: Cautor
Well, the worst thing about Mrs. Heinz-Kerry is that she's weird. Just weird. We heard about this the first time Kerry got the media anal exam. Then it was the Dean exam. If Kerry is the nominee then he'll get the exam again.

Of course, we all know that the African American leaders won't make a big deal of it.

23 posted on 01/26/2004 5:49:19 PM PST by AmishDude
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To: Pokey78
I just found out a little bit ago that these morons in New Hampshire won't vote until midnight tonight?

That leaves me to check FR first thing in the morning to see which moron is crowned there !

If it sounds a bit crass to reduce the whole business to Hit Parade rankings, well, don't blame me. After spending the best part of a year listening to the Democrats' strolling minstrels strumming their way round the White Mountains, I'm staggered by how little any of them have to say. If you go to a Kerry rally – something of an oxymoron, but let that pass – the senator's stump speech is a karaoke tape of floppo populist boilerplate. If he'd downloaded it for free from the internet, that'd be one thing. Instead, he paid a small fortune to hotshot consultant Bob Shrum, who promptly faxed over the same old generic guff he keeps in the freezer: "I (insert name here) will never stop fighting for ordinary people against the powerful interests that stand in your way."

This shtick worked so well for Shrum's previous clients - President Dick Gephardt (1988), President Bob Kerrey (1992), President Al Gore (2000) and President Insert Namehere (2008) that he evidently sees no reason why it shouldn't elect a fifth president this time round. Throw in a few mandatory sneering references to Enron, Halliburton and Attorney-General John Ashcroft plus a handful of local hard-luck stories of doubtful general application – "47-year-old Arlene Claxton of Hooksett worked 20 years to build up her hairdressing business only to contract a rare skin disease from a conditioner manufactured overseas by corporations George W Bush has given tax breaks to in order to export American jobs abroad to jurisdictions lacking environmental safeguards thanks to a sweetheart deal negotiated by a lobbyist for Halliburton and then learnt that her health insurer wouldn't cover the cost of treatment because etc etc."


24 posted on 01/26/2004 5:50:27 PM PST by MeekOneGOP (Check out this HILARIOUS story !! haha!: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1060580/posts)
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To: Pokey78

25 posted on 01/26/2004 5:51:19 PM PST by The Raven
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To: AmishDude
Of course, we all know that the African American leaders won't make a big deal of it.

I agree. Still, both Kerry and his run-off-at-the-mouth wife are cold fish, not the kind to excite the black Baptist church crowds themselves. And if they knew Ms. Ketchup kid was a member of the white African ruling class, I doubt that would do much to help.

26 posted on 01/26/2004 5:54:25 PM PST by Cautor
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To: Cautor
[ I wonder how all the African-Amerians will take to a former white African colonial as the first lady? Odd the press hasn't made anything of her origins. ]

Thank God Al Sharpton has'nt been emailed this info!.
(wink...wink)

27 posted on 01/26/2004 5:55:06 PM PST by hosepipe
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To: Pokey78
"47-year-old Arlene Claxton of Hooksett worked 20 years to build up her hairdressing business only to contract a rare skin disease from a conditioner manufactured overseas by corporations George W Bush has given tax breaks to in order to export American jobs abroad to jurisdictions lacking environmental safeguards thanks to a sweetheart deal negotiated by a lobbyist for Halliburton and then learnt that her health insurer wouldn't cover the cost of treatment because etc etc."

ROTFLMAO

28 posted on 01/26/2004 5:55:09 PM PST by RightWingMama
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To: Pokey78
Big tempest, small tea pot. America isn't going to elect a leftist extremist.
29 posted on 01/26/2004 5:55:14 PM PST by Standing Wolf
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To: hosepipe
Thank God Al Sharpton has'nt been emailed this info!.

That would be a shame wouldn't it...wink, wink. OTOH, the Rev. is probably busy pondering who he will appoint as the next head of the IMF, CFR, WB, or was it the Fed?

30 posted on 01/26/2004 6:00:17 PM PST by Cautor
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To: jwalburg
When the unknown becomes known, his numbers slide and the media and the Dems go off in search of a new white knight.

The people seem to want it that way -- an unsullied candidate, even if they know nothing about him.

It wouldn't surprise me to see a front-running 'rat make a quick departure from the field, maybe even feet-first. Suddenly, from nowhere, a new front-runner and not enough time for opposition research. The Lautenberg gambit, redux.

...even Hillary can run in later ballots taken at the convention. Is this so?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

31 posted on 01/26/2004 6:13:26 PM PST by ZOOKER
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To: Cautor
Ms. Ketchup kid was born in Mozambique, the daughter of a Portuguese doctor.

What's her maiden name? I'd like to check out her mother, who is/was, as I recall, Jewish. With Arabs here uniting in an anyone-but-bush election push, this could be a very interesting tidbit.

32 posted on 01/26/2004 6:16:11 PM PST by PoisedWoman (My other tagline is in the shop.)
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Keep it up. Kerry the Ketchup Kid. It's catchy!
!
33 posted on 01/26/2004 6:24:45 PM PST by independentmind
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To: PoisedWoman
What's her maiden name?

Interesting question, but I didn't dig that far. We could probably Google it out. And your point is an interesting one as well.

34 posted on 01/26/2004 6:25:15 PM PST by Cautor
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To: MeekOneGOP; Freee-dame
Instead, he paid a small fortune to hotshot consultant Bob Shrum, who promptly faxed over the same old generic guff he keeps in the freezer: "I (insert name here) will never stop fighting for ordinary people against the powerful interests that stand in your way."

This shtick worked so well for Shrum's previous clients - President Dick Gephardt (1988), President Bob Kerrey (1992), President Al Gore (2000) and President Insert Namehere (2008) that he evidently sees no reason why it shouldn't elect a fifth president this time round.

******

The same lines worked really well for Kathleen Kennedy Townsend in Maryland last year. Bob Shrum is taking money under false pretenses, if he doesn't come up with a few new lines.

Why do democrats think that 'fighting' republicans is OK, but fighting terrorists is not? (Rhetorical question only!)
35 posted on 01/26/2004 6:29:59 PM PST by maica (Mainstream America Is Conservative America)
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To: DeFault User
Overall, 52 percent of those polled by NEWSWEEK say they would not like to see Bush serve a second term, compared to 44 percent who want to see him win again in November. As a result, Kerry is enjoying a marginal advantage over Bush, a first for the poll. Forty-nine percent of registered voters chose Kerry, compared to 46 percent who re-elected Bush.
36 posted on 01/26/2004 6:31:17 PM PST by lasereye
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To: Pokey78
When the unknown becomes known, his numbers slide and the media and the Dems go off in search of a new white knight.

Didn't happen to Clinton in 92 as I recall.

37 posted on 01/26/2004 6:32:42 PM PST by lasereye
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Comment #38 Removed by Moderator

To: Tribune7
ping
39 posted on 01/26/2004 6:41:12 PM PST by Temple Owl
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To: maica
Every Dem running for office must first memorize the boilerplate platform with references to nefarious Republican plans of "tax-cuts for the wealthy" "war on women and the poor" "revoke all civil-rights laws" "destroy the environment" "unilateral foreign policy" and a few other cliches that all the Dem candidates must learn and repeat ad nauseum if they wish to run on the Donkey Party slate. Edwards "two-Americas" hokum is just the latest variation of their standard bilge.
40 posted on 01/26/2004 6:41:43 PM PST by driftless ( For life-long happiness, learn how to play the accordion.)
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