FDNY WIVES GET BURNED

New York Post ^ | 12/1/03

[billbears]

It's the FDNY's "dirty little secret." At least a dozen of New York's Bravest - some of them assigned to look after Sept. 11 widows - have left their wives for the spouses of their comrades killed in the terror attacks, sources told The Post.

[GovernmentShrinker]

Interesting that she expects lawmakers to fix it. And completely predictable.

She'd sure fit in here at FR, where a large majority of posters insist that government needs to "save the institution of marriage" by passing various laws to define and regulate it.

[lonerepubinmass]

They could if they move to Massachusetts. Bigamy is just around the corner. In a same sex marriage who is the Widow and who is the widower??? We will let the courts decide.

[Aliska]

You make an excellent point. In early Christianity, it appears the men (church leaders) took care of the widows. People of spiritual maturity can deal with these things. We haven't prepared ourselves spiritually for this sort of thing.

I blame the widows, in part, too. What woman of any conscience can steal another woman's husband? I came close to doing it myself. The men were no help, of course, rationalizing everything.

The biggest thing I see in all these modern temptations is that people don't use their minds and look down the road and see where acting on certain temptations will lead. We seek the pleasure of the moment and the hell with everybody else.

The irony is that the grieving widow is comforted, at least temporarily, and the spurned spouse is filled with grief which is almost a worse form of grief than losing one's spouse to death.

[Doohickey]

"The department saw this happening - knew from mental-health experts that it could happen - and did nothing to intervene," Mary Koenig said.

Well good, because it's none of their damn business. This'll be an interesting topic.

[Squantos]

When ya have to go to your husbands boss to save your marriage it's too wayyyyyy too late....regardless of what led to or contributed to the decision to separate. This "abandoned" wife is just being a bitter bug by working and testing the sympathy votes in the public for now. All she's trying to do is get some payback out of the divorce from ex husband, his new squeeze and her piggy bank stuffed full of 9-11 compensation cash and the City of NY and it's Fire Departments budget.

Just my opinion from the cheap seats................. Stay Safe !

[tom h]

Motherbear, I did not mean to sound so flippant. I agree with you and with the previous poster that it's not a good policy. And my typing was fast but my arithmetic still holds -- several hundred firemen lost, and a dozen broken marriages, amounts to 12/300 or 4%. I'm on your side -- forgive me!

[petitfour]

Comeon. Men aren't that mercenary.

I wouldn't be surprised if a man did make such a calculation. However, I think men are more stupid than mercenary. How tragic for the jilted spouses. How tragic for their children. btw, women are more likely to be the calculating ones. in my opinion. this all comes down to grief on the part of all of these players and how their needs were being met.

[StolarStorm]

Perhaps this is a result of affairs already underway BEFORE 9/11.

[StolarStorm]

Most men aren't mercenary. Men leave their wifes usually for very simple and easily corrected problems 1) Nagging wife 2) A poor sexual relationship 3) Ego.

[StolarStorm]

wifes=wives. ug

[billbears]

One maybe, I'll even give you two. But over a dozen? I will agree with you that some of the groundwork for such a travesty was laid before 9/11 though

[adam_az]

I love Clinton-bashing as much as the next FReeper, but didn't the former GOP mayor of NYC ditch his wife for another woman too?

Newt Gingrich must be a Democrat too, then?

[lonevoice]

I appreciate the sanity of your post. The replies on this thread aren't half as disturbing as the replies the duplicate of this thread is getting. Very disappointing, but serves as a useful reminder that political conservatism doesn't necessarily include morality or common sense.

I agree with you on all points. The situational transference was entirely foreseeable and the "unwritten contract" needs a major overhaul. In that, I can only agree with the fireman's ex-wife who said, "It's too late for my family, but they can damn sure fix it for next time."

[expatguy]

Since those guys are heros, the state should let them have more than one wife.

A few muslims where I live are saying that is further punishment, and that Islamic law would have provided for this situation and outcome.

Islam allows four wives.

[marshabrady1012]

Exactly what I was thinking....