Posted on 03/04/2002 5:34:20 PM PST by marshmallow
VATICAN CITY (CNS) -- As Missionaries of Charity Father Brian Kolodiejchuk pores over the letters of Mother Teresa of Calcutta and the reports of her spiritual directors, he is increasingly struck by the enormous difficulty of all she accomplished.
The priest, who is in charge of preparing material for Mother Teresa's beatification, is not surprised by the effort it took to open houses for the dying, the sick and the homeless.
The surprising aspect is how much she did despite feeling for years that God had abandoned her, he said.
Her letters to her spiritual directors over the years are filled with references to "interior darkness," to feeling unloved by God and even to the temptation to doubt that God exists.
She wrote to her spiritual director in a 1959-60 spiritual diary, "In my soul, I feel just the terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me, of God not being God, of God not really existing."
In another letter she wrote that she wanted to love God "like he has not been loved," and yet she felt her love was not reciprocated.
In the context of Mother Teresa's life, the thoughts are not heresy, but signs of holiness, Father Kolodiejchuk said in a late-February interview. Mother Teresa was convinced God existed and had a plan for her life, even if she did not feel his presence, the priest said.
"Everyone wants to share, to talk about things, to be encouraged by others," he said, but Mother Teresa, "hurting on the inside, kept smiling, kept working, kept being joyful."
In a 1961 letter to the Missionaries of Charity, she wrote, "Without suffering our work would just be social work. ... All the desolation of poor people must be redeemed and we must share in it."
Father Kolodiejchuk, a 45-year-old Canadian ordained in the Ukrainian-Byzantine rite, was among the first members of the Missionaries of Charity Fathers. Members of Mother Teresa's order often heard her refer to Sept. 10, 1946, as "Inspiration Day," when on a train in India she experienced a call to live and work with the poor.
Mother Teresa had described the call as "an order, a duty, an absolute certainty" that she must leave the Sisters of Loreto and move into the slums of Calcutta to devote herself completely to the poor.
"We thought that in some way, which she never explained, she experienced Jesus' call," Father Kolodiejchuk said.
But now, from reading her correspondence with her spiritual director, he said, it is clear she experienced what theologians call an "interior imaginative locution" -- she distinctly heard a voice in her head tell her what to do.
"And it continued for some months," he said.
"The call was so direct that she knew it was the right thing despite this darkness she experienced for many years, at least until the 1970s," the priest said.
At one point, a former archbishop of Calcutta wanted to share some of her letters with a struggling founder of another religious congregation, Father Kolodiejchuk said.
Mother Teresa begged him not to and asked that all her letters be destroyed. Father Kolodiejchuk said she told the archbishop, "When people know about the beginning, they will think more about me and less about Jesus."
Does Father Kolodiejchuk worry that he is betraying her wishes by publicizing the information? "I think her perspective is very different now," Father Kolodiejchuk answered.
Several of the letters and diary entries were published last year in the "Journal of Theological Reflection" of the Jesuit-run Vidyajyoti School of Theology in New Delhi. The investigations into her faith life are not idle prying, the priest said. Beatification and canonization are recognitions not of a person's life work -- which is obviously praiseworthy in Mother Teresa's case -- but of holiness.
While some people may be surprised or even shocked by Mother Teresa's spiritual struggles, he said he hopes it also will help them come to "a fuller and deeper appreciation of holiness, which Mother Teresa lived in a way both simple and profound: she took what Jesus gave with a smile and stayed faithful even in the smallest things."
The feeling that God is far away or even nonexistent is a common spiritual experience, he said. "Maybe we won't have the same intensity of experiences, but most of what she did was very ordinary -- it just became extraordinary when it was all put together," Father Kolodiejchuk said.
Mother Teresa died in Calcutta in September 1997.
In 1999, Pope John Paul II waived the rule requiring a five-year wait before a beatification process can begin.
Although he works on the cause from 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. daily, Father Kolodiejchuk said he believes it will be "several months" before the Vatican formally recognizes that Mother Teresa heroically lived the Christian virtues and declares her venerable.
He said work also is underway on preparing a report on the potential miracle needed for beatification: the 1998 cure of an Indian woman who had a huge, unidentified growth in her abdomen.
"People do say, 'Do it faster,'" the priest said. But the official process takes time, he said. "It is designed to discern the sense of the people of God and the verification of the miracle is God's confirmation of that."
And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The LORD is my God.
This is part of an awesome prophecy of Christ. Here's the context:
Zech 13:1 In that day there shall be a fountain opened to the house of David and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem for sin and for uncleanness.
2 And it shall come to pass in that day, saith the LORD of hosts, that I will cut off the names of the idols out of the land, and they shall no more be remembered: and also I will cause the prophets and the unclean spirit to pass out of the land.
3 And it shall come to pass, that when any shall yet prophesy, then his father and his mother that begat him shall say unto him, Thou shalt not live; for thou speakest lies in the name of the LORD: and his father and his mother that begat him shall thrust him through when he prophesieth.
4 And it shall come to pass in that day, that the prophets shall be ashamed every one of his vision, when he hath prophesied; neither shall they wear a rough garment to deceive:
5 But he shall say, I am no prophet, I am an husbandman; for man taught me to keep cattle from my youth. And one shall say unto him, What are these wounds in thine hands?
6 Then he shall answer, Those with which I was wounded in the house of my friends.
7 Awake, O sword, against my shepherd, and against the man that is my fellow, saith the LORD of hosts: smite the shepherd, and the sheep shall be scattered: and I will turn mine hand upon the little ones.
8 And it shall come to pass, that in all the land, saith the LORD, two parts therein shall be cut off and die; but the third shall be left therein.
9 And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The LORD is my God.
Is this the one?
"The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God." Rom. 8:16
Anyway, I found it! There are two separate ones: Sirach 2:1-6 and Sirach 4:11-19.
Sirach 2:1-6 My son, when you come to serve the Lord, prepare yourself for trials. Be sincere of heart and steadfast, undisturbed in time of adversity. Cling to him, forsake him not; thus will your future be great. Accept whatever befalls you, in crushing misfortune be patient; For in fire gold is tested, and worthy men in the crucible of humiliation. Trust God and he will help you; make straight your ways and hope in him.
Sirach 4:11-19 Wisdom instructs her children and admonishes those who seek her. He who loves her loves life; those who seek her out win her favor. He who holds her fast inherits glory; wherever he dwells, the Lord bestows blessings. Those who serve her serve the Holy One; those who love her the Lord loves. He who obeys her judges nations; he who hearkens to her dwells in her inmost chambers. If one trusts her, he will possess her; his descendants too will inherit her. She walks with him as a stranger, and at first she puts him to the test; Fear and dread she brings upon him and tries him with her discipline; With her precepts she puts him to the proof, until his heart is fully with her. Then she comes back to bring him happiness and reveal her secrets to him. But if he fails her, she will abandon him and deliver him into the hands of despoilers.
This comes from the New American Bible (Catholic). I know this reads differently in various versions and in the Protestant Bible (King James I think) the first quote from Sirach uses silver instead of gold.
Now, this is just my opinion of course and we all have our understandings and verses that speak to us, but I see here that the Wisdom referred to is not a wisdom of the brain, but a wisdom of the heart. In some mystical traditions it is thought that this is where God resides and the experience of Divine Union occurs here. Anyway, I could go on and on completely off the subject and I can't remember if you are Catholic or not. At any rate, these two excerpts are two of my favorites and have helped me in the past. I just wanted to share them with you. On that note, I am going to mark these pages so I don't lose them again!
Apocrypha. Not in my Bible. That 'splains it. :)
At a Crusade..Corie Tenboum was knitting on the podium just behind the main speaker...later it was Her turn to speak.
Corie came forward..and held her knitting up for the crowd to see...the side She presented to them was the back..with hundreds of strands of yarn in a mess of disjointed color and length.
"The Lord is the weaver of the picture of our lives..she said...we see only the disjointed pattern...we tend to become discouraged by the view..we respond in doubt..at the disharmony present before our eyes."
Corie then turned the frame around to show the front..and the beautiful picture that was the tapestry.
"This is what the lord is doing in your lives...He is weaving a tapestry of beauty..a tapestry fashioned by Him..solely for you..a tapestry of purpose..a statement..that you are unique..and you are his handi work".
I used to do many tasks in the steal industry..some were very dangerous.
Once I had to melt ingits of Zinc..in a ceramic cauldron before pouring.
The Zinc begins to purify in stages..one must remove the dross at the surface..continually skimming it...over time and under GREAT HEAT,the impurities are out to such a degree ...that when skimming..and only just for a moment...even with protective gear on..it is hard to draw near and look....you can see your reflection.
Zinc purified appears much like polished silver and chrome...I reflected on this one day after reading the various "Refineing scriptures" in the Bible.
I understood what the Lord was saying....when we walk thru trials..we are refinend like Gold and Silver...the result.
The Lord see's HIS REFLECTION..in the surface[service] of our lives...
Anyways, that's six of one and half dozen of the other for this conversation. I appreciate what you said about wisdom of the heart vs. wisdom of the mind. This is worthy of more contemplation... You know, we are called to love Him with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength. Does each one of these components manifest love for Him in a different way? Food for thought.
Peace!
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