Tonight, I am separated, and now I'm truly alone.

New Horizon | 02/27/2002 | New Horizon

[VRWC_minion]

I think I would leave those go.

The guys defintely not coping with the changes he is facing. Its better to get ahead of that stuff. As for the PI, I wouldn't normally suggest that to someone but in this case this guy seems like he is blaming himself. Based on his discription of the past few years the chances are good is wife has a friend on the side. If he know this it may help his conscience that it wasn't him that wrecked the marriage.

[Michael2001]

I sympathize with you friend. I also think it's unhealthy to substitute real friends and real life with the internet. One of the chief concerns of the internet is/was that it will ruin real life relationships. To what extent that is true with you I don't know. Turn off the computer, go take a walk in the park, you may like what you see.

I hope things turn around for you. Best of luck.

[wimpycat]

Freepers dont mind giving advice either, but I think many of us are waiting to hear that you TOOK some of it. You cant still be trying to figure out what to do by now, because if you dont have a lawyer yet, and have taken steps to protect yourself, this second thread amounts to a pity party. We all want you to recover, but you might let us know that we were not just wasting time with you last night.

Awww Mack, you beat me to it. New Horizon, I second everything Mack said. We are trying to help you. But you know the saying, "The Lord helps those who help themselves". If you haven't gotten a lawyer today, GET ONE TOMORROW MORNING 9:00AM. DO NOT WASTE TIME! A lawyer will explain all of your legal options and liabilities, so instead of agonizing over your future, you'll have more information, and you'll know better what to do. You've got the rest of your live to wallow in self-pity, now's the time to DO SOMETHING! Get off your butt and call that lawyer! That's the best advice anyone ever gave you on any of these threads. First things first and one day at a time, and the first thing is to GET A DAMN LAWYER!

We want to help you, but it's useless if you won't act on your own. We can't do it for you.

[jmp702]

New Horizon- You've received a multitude of sympathy, suggestions and advice. The fact remains, however, that you are allowing yourself to tread in self-pity. That ain't gonna make it better, man. If a few of these posts telling you to buck up and move out of the pity mode make you angry, then good. Anger is a healthly response and will motivate you to action. Get mad. Tell yourself you will not be defeated by this. Transfer the pain to a plan of action for your life. Good luck. You will make it.

[4CJ]

Been there, done that. It hurts. No T-shirt. God gives us all another chance, and this time around, I am blessed 10 times as much. Not rich, but a wonderful wife and kids. I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world.

[discostu]

I knew there was a reason we got along. I'm the designated asshole in my group. Where everybody else is sympathy and hugs I'm the one in the corner saying there's no crying in baseball. People get sympathy from me when they've shown they are actually trying to improve the situation. People that try are welcome to everything that I can give them, people that don't should be flattered when they get the back of my hand.

[shaggy eel]

,,, quite possibly. Without intending to be a social worker, I've been in this position too but didn't seek advice from the internet. There's a time where you have to realise the victim phase and exit it. There's a certain amount of shock in this event even though he's seen it coming for some time. We don't all have a vast network of people ready to slap us on the back and say "it will be fine after some time goes by" or "I'm here for you if you need me."

Look thru the posts and you'll see some very constructive advice that's above tea and sympathy. He will give himself permission to move on from this in time. In the interim, consider any intangible good that may have arisen from this thread and measure as a percentage what you've contributed against how good you feel about it to this point. I've met his type too - but, like you, I'm clocking into other threads too.

[Frohickey]

Two mice, one white and one black, little by little started to gnaw away the vine. The man saw a lucious strawberry near him. Grasping the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other. How sweet it tasted!

I guess the moral of the story is that you'll die if all you ever eat is vegetables. I would have grabbed the mice and munched on those and have the strawberry as dessert. ;)

[Dales]

My friend-

Over three years ago, I came home to an empty house. Just a note telling me not to worry about them, that they would be fine.

It was three days later that I was served papers. It was a while longer before I saw my kids.

She was going to take the kids away, move back to where her family was.

It was the worst time of my life.

I tried to move on, since that was what she told me was going to happen if I liked it or not.

I tried.

My story has a very happy ending. But even if I rewind a year and a half and go back to when it did not look like it would, I still would be able to tell you- what you are going through right now will pass. It might not feel like it, but it will. Nothing is going to alleviate the fear you have totally, but trust me. Your kids will still love you and always be your kids.

And even the most helpless of marriages actually can be saved, God willing. That happened for me. Then there is my mother. Way back when, hers couldn't be saved. A few years later she married my stepfather, who has been her rock now for thirty plus years and remains to this day the most admirable man I know.

So chin up. Take a deep breath, and just remember- this will pass.

[bescobar]

Sweet Freedom!!! You are truly fortunate to have a new world to explore...have fun, take art classes, learn to dance, take a yoga class.

[A CA Guy]

Things will get worse, then better. There is nothing good about a family that is broken up. My sympathy to you. Time will help. Do get joint custody.

PS: Rent a good steam cleaner for the carpet concerning your dogs. You'll breath easier.

[Ajnin]

A good friend of mine is going through a divorce. He was arrested for DUI just before his wife told him she wanted a separation. My fiend is getting screwed six ways to none by all this drama as you can well imagine. He gets a little down sometimes, but he always says "This to shall pass." Such an attitude has reaped rewards. He is now dating some hot female corporate lawyer turned journalist. She has definitely been uplifting to his spirit. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if you keep a positive attitude and don't give up on yourself you will be rewarded.

[eastforker]

Ijust did a self search and your vanity you posted last night is still there,it was not pulled or deleted,whats up?

[WIMom]

OPH and VRWC, I have to agree with your sentiments. NH, the comments are not meant to hurt you, but to help you realize YOU make YOUR choices in life. My husband left me for the love of his life. He's divorced again and working on marriage #4, you reap what you sow. We all would like to think marriage is forever, but anyone at any time can get a divorce and there is nothing you can do about it. At the time, my kids were 8, 7 and 4, and I was doing the poor me game. That lasted about one week. Then I realized, I have control of MY life and no one is going to dictate how I should feel. I chose not to play the poor scorned woman, get on welfare and join the liberal slobs. Only you can make you happy. I only have one life, and I'm going to make the most of it. Get yourself busy. Join a club, get active with church, do something you always wanted to do, take your kids to Yellowstone, something! Don't sit around and mope. For me, I went to college. It wasn't easy, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I'm so glad I didn't play the pity party too long, because soon enough, my ex showed his true colors, while I became more confident, more successful, more at peace with myself and God, and a better mom.

[Gore_ War_ Vet]

Tonights winner!

Thank you for all of us.