Child-Free and Carefree

ABC News ^ | February 14, 2002 | Geraldine Sealey

[rogercolleridge]

I have kids and I think it's terrible the way so many take extended maternity leaves ---90 day leaves for a normal birth aren't uncommon. Women should make a choice ---stay home with their kids (a better choice if they can) or work. Expecting to dump on co-workers is totally wrong. I've worked in places where all summer vacations had to be cancelled because someone wanted a very long maternity leave ----including working fathers and mothers who had to deny their own children a long awaited trip.

You said it.... it's all about choice. I don't expect anyone to pay the consequences for the choices that I make -- and it should go both ways.

[constitutiongirl]

Your 6.5 figure is completely bogus. My father's hispanic, my husband's hispanic, I've lived in Latin America and I go to church with large numbers of hispanics...It is RARE, this day and time, to see a Hispanic family with more than 3 children, even in Latin America. Maybe it will comfort you to know that in my mother's large white Irish-born family (12 brothers and sisters) every one of them had more than 4 children. THAT is some heavy duty breeding.

[HungarianGypsy]

No problem with finding a babysitter, just do what all of the people with kids do, bring them along to the restaurant with you! That way everyone can enjoy being serenaded by your screaming infants, and you can sit there with that "don't look at me, I can't make him stop crying" look on your face. Not every child acts this way. There have been some bad times at restaurants, but most of the time my children are very well behaved. We have even gotten compliments on their behavior from other customers.

When my first son was about 7 or 8 months old, my husband and I went to Laughlin, Nevada with his father and stepmother. We went into one of the casinos to eat at an Italian restaurant. A few minutes after we arrived, a party of four or five was seated at the next table. Before sitting down, one of the women saw our son sitting in his high chair (no, he was not crying) and said, "Oh no! Not another screaming baby!" My step mother in law was ready to make a few comments of her own at that point.

[rogercolleridge]

So, you'd rather those kids be in daycare, right? Perhaps they should take the kids away right after birth, so those mothers don't bond with the babies; then they'll have no problem going back to work.

Who is "they" and where are they taking the kids???

[Quester]

I believe all should do as they are called. All are not called to marriage, nor are all called to child-bearing.

I think that it is evident that, as evidenced by many of the prior comments here, that, although raising children can be a noble way to serve God and your fellow man, there are other ways of serving God and your fellow man which are just as noble.

I think that it is also evident that you can have or not have children and still NOT be a service to God and your fellow man.

It's not really about whether you have children or not, it's whether you choose to serve God and your fellow man, whether you choose (or feel called) to raise children or not.

Remember, some of our best have been childless ...

----- Jesus
----- Paul
----- Mother Teresa
----- Beethoven

... while, some of our best have had lots ...

----- Bach
----- Einstein
----- Ghandi
----- Abraham

[oremus]

The point is that sex (in marriage where it belongs) should not be completely disconnected from procreation - physically or in mind and heart. Again, that does not mean one has to have 20 kids - but that a couple is working WITH God and not blocking him out of the sexual equation entirely. People who don't want children (and who are fertile), for whatever reason, and are married, make a mockery of marriage and are missing the whole point - which is self-sacrifice for the good of ANOTHER. Why is the divorce rate so darn high in our society??? Selfishness, plain and simple. There are those as we have seen who remain childless for what they believe are noble reasons, and their heart may, in a sense, be in the "right" place and they may honestly mean well, but that does not mean they are right.

[Aggie Mama]

That's the point that I was trying to make. If the moms that are on leave after having a baby, suddenly decide that they don't want to go back to work--good for them. I don't like the insinuation that they are taking advantage of the company simply because their maternal instinct has kicked in. Most first-time moms (myself included, although I stopped working full-time early in my pregnancy) have no idea how motherhood changes their views on things (like work).

[rko1933]

Having children,just to be sure someone will weep at your grave?What a selfless idea....NOT!!

[andysandmikesmom]

I really dont know if you are correct or not....Dont forget, most of the elderly that I took care of in the nursing homes, are very, very aged, and more than likely they had their children, and were of a time, when the women did stay home with their children, and never did use daycare...I dont think that children in daycare had anything to do with this at all...I think you are probably mistaken...

I took care of both my mom and dad in their own home, and then in my home, until the day they died...but I did it, because I wanted to, and I had also seen the example from my own parents...my mom cared for her dad in our home until he died...my dad and his sister cared for their mother in their homes until she died...I remember as a small girl, seeing my great grandmother, being taken care of by her children at home...it was just something I grew up with, and never ever considered a nursing home for my parents....

Your point may be well taken for future generations, but I dont think it really applies to those already in nursing homes...most of the aged women I knew in the nursing homes, never had a career outside of their homes...their full time occupation was 'wife and mother'...but for whatever reason, the children have decided not to care for their parents...one big factor, I noticed is this...people are willing to care for their parents, so long as they are continent of both bowel and bladder...once incontinence becomes a factor, many children just do not want to care for their parents...sorry to be gross, but for many children, washing clothing and bed linens, soaked with urine and excrement, and having to change diapers on an adult, is something that many children are unwilling to do...I have found in my experience, that if the aged parents remain continent, its more likely they will be able to remain out of a nursing home...but once incontinence becomes an issue, and believe me, it does in most of the aged, people cannot cope with incontinence...sometimes it occurs because of a pbysical problem, the aging of the body, or sometimes incontinence occurs because of dementia or other mental problems...but this is a very big factor in placing the elderly in nursing homes, more so of an issue than whether or not the children were in daycare...

[another1]

Who will weep at your grave?

Why would I wish for that? I hope that those who know me best will be glad that I lived a full, happy, and meaningful life. For others to experience grief and sorrow, particularly those I love, has never been one of my aspirations.

And who will inherit what you build?

I am not waiting for the end of my days to pass on the rewards of my life to those I care about. Sharing the things I love, my accomplishments, and the joy I find in life every day, enhances my life, and hopefully the lives of those who know me - every day.

Like all so called happy people you sound very selfish.

On the contrary, it seems to me that anyone who rejoices in their own children's anticipated grief and sorrow is rather selfish.

[rogercolleridge]

That's the point that I was trying to make. If the moms that are on leave after having a baby, suddenly decide that they don't want to go back to work--good for them. I don't like the insinuation that they are taking advantage of the company simply because their maternal instinct has kicked in. Most first-time moms (myself included, although I stopped working full-time early in my pregnancy) have no idea how motherhood changes their views on things (like work).

I'm not insinuating anything -- I am referring to people I know who have admitted that they took the paid maternity leave and had no intention of going back to work. These women feel they had it coming to them. And I strongly disagree with that. It's not like vacation time that you earn based on the amount of time you've worked for the company. I'm sure there are women who don't realize until afterward that they can't be away from their child (this seems pretty natural to me), but many, many women do take advantage of the generosity of their employers in this way.

[kevman]

that happens when people have children

[Bella_Bru]

Who will weep at your grave?

You are having kids so you can have extra funeral guests, but those of us who do not want kids (yet have no problem with your choices) are SELFISH?

[A. Pole]

Excuse me???? I don't have kids. But I Do pay a sh*tload of my income to social security every year. And guess what... I plan on collecting MY money when I'm an old fart and can't work for it.

This sort of works as long as there are not too many people like you. Otherwise, we'd have an economy of old farts selling their stock certificates to each other and staffing each other's nursing homes.

Amen, amen!

[WarEagle]

there is absolutely nothing in life to compare with having children, but you won't know if you don't . . . of course, I'll never know what it is like to be a totally self-centered child-LESS person

I resent that highly. This idea that you cannot be an adult or non-self centered without being a parent is a total crock. I chose not to have children because of many things, but the foremost reason is that I do not have the burning desire to be a parent.

If you need to be a parent, God bless you. But don't think that all virtue comes from parenthood, and that parenthood makes one automatically virtuous and non-self centered. My multi-child sister proves the theory that parenthood and sainthood are not synonymous.

[WarEagle]

And future free. No children = no future to work toward.

And you are wrong. Just because my future does not have children does not mean it doesn't exist. I work and save for my family's retirement, for my husband and me to have nice vacations, and to take care of my elderly mother.

Are all you parents getting sore from patting yourselves on the back?

[johndpringle]

If one has children expecting the children to take care of one when old then ask yourself how well you will take care of your parent(s) when they are old.

[WarEagle]

Being a mother is the greatest of all careers. And it requires only the ability to love selflessly.

That's your opinion. Motherhood requires much more than selfless love. It requires dedicating yourself totally to children. I can and do love selflessly (my husband), but I would still have made a lousy mother because I want to do more than raise children. It is better that those of us who wish to have careers not have children. We see the results of motherhood and careering all around us.

[mamaduck]

2 + 2 = 5

Unless you have children you have NO VESTED INTEREST in the future

Children Completely Alter the way you look at the world, and you don't know what that means until you have them . . .

[Quester]

Unless you have children you have NO VESTED INTEREST in the future

Children Completely Alter the way you look at the world, and you don't know what that means until you have them . . .

Tell it to Jesus, Mother Teresa, Beethoven, Brahms, the apostle Paul, etc.