Child-Free and Carefree

ABC News ^ | February 14, 2002 | Geraldine Sealey

[LincolnLover]

Thanks for posting this from a conservative male who, along with his wife, choose to remain childless.

I don't feel persecuted or misunderstood (in part because I could give a damn what people think of me and my choices that do not impact their lives), nor do I dislike parents or children.

Thanks again. It's a good topic to discuss.

[Some hope remaining.]

Not sure if you were agreeing with me or arguing with me but I think we're saying the same thing. So... agreed!

[koba]

Here are some reasons why people may wish to be childless: 1. In this country, raising a child in a middle-to-upper-middle-class way can cost $250,000 per child. This is a lot of money, and some people want to save their money or spend it on themselves. 2. College costs are soaring. If you have a child now and they have to go to college in 2020, the cost of it could potentially break your bank. As it is, a private university costs (all inclusive) $35,000 and graduate school can even be more expensive. 3. Demanding careers can mean that each parent works 60-100 hours/week in a job. At this point, the parents may want their "own time", not wanting to spend it on a demanding child. Of course, you can get a nanny for $25,000-$40,000/year but the child may as well be nanny's, not yours. Dumping a child in daycare when the child hits 5 or so is another option but many parents don't want to do that. 4.American culture (drugs, pre-marital sex, disobiedience and back-talking among children) may be disagreeable to some people. This may not be the environment people want to raise children in. 5.In some other cultures, when the parents get old, the children take care of the parents and the parents live with the children. In this culture this is generally not true. Therefore a parent puts a lot of money and effort to raise a child and once he's in college, he is effectively gone out of thier lives. A lot of work for potentially little reward. 6.The economy is changing. It is demanding a high level of education to succeed. The standard middle-class industrial jobs are disappearing. This forces the child to be very good in order to have a middle-upper-middle class lifestyle. Many parents are fearful what would happen and how their child would survive if they produce a mediocrity. Would the child become a permanent apartment dweller with no real future? 7.The current-day economy is variable. Lay-offs are commonplace. If something happens to the parents jobs how will they support the child? It is just one more burden. These are some potential reasons why couples remain childless. Whatever the resons, the most educated groups in society have below-replacement birthrates.

[hunyb]

Ya know, I would love to be able to stay at home and take care of one of those wide-eyed beautiful curious mischievous living legacies, but my husband and i are in tremendous debt and both work full time jobs, i'd rather be a 'selfless' person and not subject the little precious to a lifetime of daycare and babysitters.......is that okay with you people?

[Codie]

So are Americans an endangered species?

[koba]

Well...judging by birthrates white Americans could potentially become endangered. The lowest birth rates in America belong to college-educated black women (1.6 children per baby). The white American rate is 1.84, but I read on FR that the number has increased recently to 2.1. I cannot verify that fact at this time. Generally, the highest birthrates do belong to the least-educated and the lowest to the most-educated. The highest birthrate in this country (5.56) is for uneducated rural black women and the lowest in the U.S., as I have written is for educated black women.

[boris]

Being single and childless, I have a comment:

No matter how difficult they are, no matter how bratty they are, no matter how hard they make your life--children are the greatest gift life affords.

I tell all my friends who have kids how lucky they are--even if they don't feel lucky.

I have a friend whose middle daughter has ADD. Basically the kid is "Dee Dee" from Dexter's Lab pesonified.

Her mom suffers (a single parent). Her siblings suffer.

I love them all dearly. I get the good parts (going to the circus!) and when they get bratty I get to give 'em back. Since I don't have children of my own, they are the beneficiaries of my will.

I tell people that folk like me--childless--are evolutionary losers. We have failed to project our genes into the future; dead ends, all of us. I actually feel I've let down my father by not having children. The line of "Boris" ends here. Quite sad, actually.

At 50, I am in Daddy Mode, with nobody to Daddy. This is seriously dangerous, because I spoil everybody elses' kids--when their parents let me.

Freepers with children, you are the Blessed of the Earth. I hope you know how lucky you are...And I know the size of the hole that is left unfilled in one's soul when you have no kids.

--Boris

[mamaduck]

ahh, the blessings of not following the "culture", home and family centered families do not have the expenses or the results you have described

try not following every "expert", try raising your own kids, not letting some "expert" define what they need

I *could* be talking about homebirth, home healthcare, home church, home schooling, but you don't necessarily have to go that far

there are options to the "mainstream" expenses and results that you describe and the REWARDS are INDESCRIBABLE

[MotleyGirl70]

Love the screename. How original and silly. Kudos my friend.

[Mercat]

You know what really pi@@es me off? These people expect my three children to work and pay taxes and into the bogus social security fund when they, the childless ones, are retired. I have retirement. I hope the selfish babyboomers get cut out. There I said it.

[Harrison Bergeron]

hunyb: "...tremendous debt and both work full time jobs..."

koba: "A lot of work for potentially little reward."

Yeah. No bitterness there.

[koba]

No...I'm no bitter about anything. In India my extended family runs to 500 people and here it is 50 people. I was trying to give reasons why some people may not want to have children in this sociey. In India these questions rarely come up because of the diferent social conditions, some of which I outlined in my original post. American society is not like Indian society so therefore the "reward" parents get from children in India may not be the same one parents would get here. There family attachements are strong and life-long, here they can become more transient. Therefore, here, even if a parent does the "work" part of raising a child, he will probably not get much of the "reward" part, growing old with his son's family instead of, say, in a nursing home, being financially protected by his sons if he needs it, being the most respected member of an extended family, etc.

[hunyb]

Not bitter.........POOR!

[mamaduck]

I didn't . . .

[HungarianGypsy]

My first two children were planned. My third and soon-to-be fourth were both a case of, "I don't want another right now." Of course, that's always when I get surprised.

If someone doesn't want children of their own, that's fine.

The only thing that irritates me is when people who have no children or just one child make comments about others having more children.

A few weeks ago, I told the matriarch of my family that I was expecting #4. Instead of being happy with me, she asked if this would be the last one, since children are so expensive now-a-days. It was funny hearing a nearly 90 year old woman asking me about my birth control methods. I could have told her about how many birth control babies just happen along, but didn't feel like getting into a debate.

[Mfkmmof4]

I understand and in fact, it would be easier to be childless (I have 4) but my heart would be empty. And we don't have it easy. Then I remember that all I can take with me when I die is my children.

[ReaganGirl]

No children = no future to work toward.

That's about as narrow minded a thought as I can imagine. I suppose that you don't think 9 college educations (see my post #221) and Grad school if they want it is "no future" but I do.

I'd much prefer to pay for the education of the children that I know over the children that people have because they think it's their "moral obligation." Heaven forbid they should figure out how they're going to provide for them before deciding to have them.

But I guess they think it's "my" moral obligation to do that.

[ReaganGirl]

not subject the little precious to a lifetime of daycare and babysitters.......is that okay with you people?

It's not only OK, it's admirable. You obviously have a grasp of looking out for the best interest of your children. It's far more selfish for people to have children that they know they can't afford and expect the rest of us to foot the bill than to choose to be responsible adults.