Posted on 02/08/2002 11:16:42 AM PST by Cagey
It's Great To Be A Man
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch or fart is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the darn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Get a bunch of friends to drink about a gallon of grape nutrasweet cool-aid each. Wait untill your pee is purple.
Form up around an unsuspecting friend while taking a piss break (best at a ballpark trough type urinal). Act astounded 'Your pee is yellow, damn dude you need to see a doctor. There's something wrong with you.'
Let's talk about this, Fidgit. WHO does the Christmas shopping? WHO does the Christmas cards? WHO does the family/friend correspondence? 45 minutes, my rear!
PFFFBBBTTTTT!
Yeah, but men hit the jackpot every single time. Can you say the same?
Not True.
The Apolitical Conformists were presented as racist elitist villians, which is pretty much true.
Why would you think they were Republicans?
The Libertarians were presented as unkempt, drunk sex monsters, which is pretty much true.
Why would you think they were Liberals?
So9
Having grown up surrounded by men, I was used to fart contests, belching contests, peeing contests and all manner of 'manly' games...I guess I was always jealous that I was a girl, and had to be a spectator at these games, rather than a participant
My husband-to-be at the time, was pleasantly surprised, that it was rather difficult to shock me with certain aspects of his behavior... after getting to know my male relatives he realized that I had probably seen and heard just about everything...made it somewhat easier for me, having had just sons myself...
I remember one time, when one of my boys was just a couple of years old, it was raining outside, and my dad was sitting on the porch watching my older boy who was probably about 3yrs old at the time...my son was out there in the rain, playing and having fun, and of course, had to jump into every mud puddle, and squish around in it until mud was flying everywhere...I said to my dad, 'Why does he do that"? My dad wisely looked at me, and said, well, its because hes a boy, get used to it, it may get progressively worse...Wise man, my dad...
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