Posted on 02/08/2002 11:16:42 AM PST by Cagey
It's Great To Be A Man
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch or fart is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
One mood, ALL the darn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Golly.
Gunmetal.
Five minutes in the penality box!
Well, you did good because you got everyone mad at you.
Seriously though, there have been many threads to discuss conservative values in movies, books, universities and so on. Use the search feature to find them. And you can always start a thread yourself.
It's always a good idea to see what topic the thread is under too and this one is "Humor".
Enjoy this place, it's good for your soul.
Room to Live II?
Seriously, how about "The Patriot", "Gladiator", "The Ten Commandments", and almost anything with John Wayne.
Shalom.
Hey! I know how to translate that. I speak Jive.
Now go wash your mouth out with soap.
And, please, don't call me Shirley!
Shalom.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing glue.
Well, then I'll let it go. Anything that you get at a gas station gets a waiver.
Believe it or not.
When in college (20+ years ago) I was at a national convention. A group of us "kids" were sitting in the hallway on one of the floors of the hotel. We were sitting with our backs to the wall and our feet stretched out in front of us. Since some of us occupied each side of the hall, our feet completely blocked passage. I was on one end of the group.
One group of "kids" tried to get by. This reasonably attractive blonde said to me, "Excuse me, please." I replied, "Oh, surely!"
She (apparently being named Shirley) said, "Oh, Hi!"
It cracked me up, anyway.
Shalom.
I just found this one myself, looks promising. Freerepublic features (the run-down)
If you are for real, my apologies for biting you earlier.
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