Posted on 02/06/2002 4:52:47 AM PST by Valin
KEY FEMALE WORDS
1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)
2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.
3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a "five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."
5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement. Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."
7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit longer.
8. "Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least two days. "Oh as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised eyebrows "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in for some mighty big trouble.
10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."
12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
Other words and actions to keep in mind.
No explanation necessary.
13. "Later"
14. Walk-away
15. Silent Treatment
16. "I'll do it myself"
17. "We'll talk"
18. "Whatever"
19. "Forget about it"
20. "Nice"
21. "If that's what you want"
Fine. Give me a few minutes and I'll help out. (Going to go find my nomex and coffee)
Here's a better suggestion. By no means allow the female to watch any daytime talk television programs, lest you want to be accused of any and everything under the sun.
There is nothing more fun than coming home from working on jet engines all day, trying to take off your uniform, and having the woman you're married to say "You remind me of this guy I saw on Oprah today and he was doing (insert specific bad thing here)." And then having her mad at you the rest of the week for whatever it was.
....I can just picture this.....ROFLMAO
1. "Fine" = ``Grrrrrrrrrrrr''
2. "Five minutes" = ``I'd be ready ages ago if I wasn't picking up after you''
3. "Nothing" = ``If you don't already KNOW you are even stupider than I gave you credit for''.
4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) = ``Conjugal rights denied, not negotiable''
5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) = ``You do what ever you want, you always do anyway. BTW..your dinners in the dog''
. 6. "Loud Sigh" = Same meaning over here, just normally accompanied by THE LOOK! (Ye know..THE LOOK!!!!)
7. "Soft Sigh" = ``Hey, it's pay day. I'm going shoe shopping!''
8. "Oh" = ``You're in trouble now Bubba-boy!!!''
9. "That's Okay" = ``I'm divorcing/dumping you''
The conversation usually ends there *LOL*
A word of advice from a very DUMB married man. Never and I emphasize NEVER pick up the remote control and turn up the volume on the T.V. while your wife is talking to you. This act is the 8th deadly sin, and no matter how much time passes it is guaranteed to be brought up at opportune moments several times a year, for the rest of your life.
Never thought of that one. Thanks! A new trick in my arsenal. hehe
I've run through quite a few lions dens. Naturally it was all my fault each time and I take the full blame.
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