Vanity:MY DAD WAS PUT IN THE HOME TODAY. ALZHIEMERS DISEASE. EARLIER THAN ANTICIPATED

self ^ | 10/19/01 | RaceBannon

[RaceBannon]

Many of us ask for prayer at different times. I admit, I havent always bumped these threads, nor have I always read those who bumped them to me. For that I am sorry. Tonight I must ask for prayer for my family and especially my Mom. My Dad was put in the home today for his Alzhiemers disease.

[wingnuts'nbolts]

Believe me, I understand your conflict. My husband and I took care of both my parents, my mother with Alzheimer's and my stepfather with renal demensia. He died about 3 years into the kidney failure, but she lived with us for 10 years. She forgot me,how to walk, eat, swallow, and speak. She was easy to care for because her sweet nature prevailed until the end.

Hubby and I opened two home businesses, fired the unhelpful help and stayed home.

In actuality, your dad was lost to your mother awhile ago, I suspect. With Alzheimer's the caregiver grieves every day for the loss of the loved one. The grieving goes on and on. When death finally comes it is with relief for the inflicted that they are finally at peace and whole again.

I know you feel bad about putting Dad where he gets the care he now needs, but he is where he needs to be. Your Mom needs the attention now. She feels, I am sure, that maybe she should have kept him home. Everything connected to Alzheimer's is insideous and robs eveyone involved.

If you contact the Alzheimer's Assoc. they have help for your mother. It is a wonderful organization.

My understanding and love go out to your family, God bless all of you.

[Dianna]

I'm so sorry Race. I've not experienced this myself, but I have been supporting a close friend who is dealing with this. It's just heartbreaking.

Many prayers.

[RaceBannon]

Semper Fi, Marine!!

[RaceBannon]

Your Mom have AD too?

I guess there are different flavors to this. Some do dumb stuff. My dad once tried to put the coffee filter on the gas stove to cook water. It has been 3 or 4 years since we had a longer than 4 word sentence that was coherent come out of him, and he knew it, and that was the worst, he saw it happening to him and could do nothing!

I didnt go yet today, (30 miles away from me), but my sister did, and he is up and 'talking' to all the ladies, and they are surrounding him as if he is their new boyfriend or something!! My Mom got a kick out of hearing that,too.

He is a happy alzhiemers in a way, he likes to sleep a lot. Fortunately, if he falls in the shower now, my 76 year old Mom doesn't have to pick him up anymore!

[liliana]

i'm so sorry for what you're going through, we have been there and it's horrible. you have been heroic taking care of your father for so long, God Bless you all.

[mafree]

I will pray for you and your whole family. May God bless and care for all of you.

[RaceBannon]

We've been watching him go real slow but steady. He retired in 86 and went downhill from there. We all wondered if it would be fast, and no, it was real slow. He would just forget the word on the tip of his toungue at first, then memories, then stupid decisions while driving. He had his license until 3 or 4 years ago. Now, he needs someone to help him go to the toilet and help himm bathe. He cannot get up or sit down on command, (Maybe he does that on purpose!), but if something happens that makes him excited, he is all of a sudden intelligent again! Alzhiemers doctors need to look into the adrenaline thing or something!

[sibb1213]

God Bless you and your family. My Dad was in the middle of Alzhiemers before he died and it was so heart breaking. My Mom took care of him until he died and it was so hard. The one terrible thing I remember is the scared look on his face when he could not remember things even just from the day before. Please just continue to love and reassure him of your love. I wish I had my Dad back for just one last hug. It has been six years and I still miss him.

[Phyllis]

Yes, Alzheimers. Looking back, it must have started six years ago. We made excuses for every little incident, not wanting to believe. She was such a strong-minded person that was the last thing we thought would happen. Diabetes (losing her lower legs) and crippling arthritis were what we worried about. One thing stands out now -- hundreds of notes to herself on small scraps of paper. When being consoled, she would just sob uncontrollably. She knew.

[prambo]

Prayers with you and yours, Race.

My Mom died of the complications of Alzheimer's; actually I think she starved herself to death since she couldn't stand not being "her". She was one tough lady.

I took care of my Dad for as long as I could at my house, but it got to the point where I thought he might hurt himself really badly, not just a couple of scratches.

He's in a Veteran's home now. He stopped admitting my Mother was dead about 6 months after she did die - I guess you could say he is "goofy".

You did the right thing - my Dad is much happier where he is, and has great care.

If there are any FReepers who are in NYS and need a GREAT home for a veteran parent (even spouse or parents of veteran) send me a FReepmail for info.

prambo

[patent]

Prayer bump. God bless,

patent

[mountaineer]

My prayers are with you, friend. My father got early-onset AD in his 60s. In May of his 69th year, he went into a VA hospital for a month, then to a nursing home. He died on Thanksgiving Day of that year, having lost any ability to control himself, to comprehend anything, to speak, to feed himself - even his gag reflex was gone. It's a horrible disease, but I hope you and your family can take some comfort, as I did, in knowing your dad's being well cared for.

[boxerblues]

My prayers are with you. My mother inlaw passed away earlier this summer after being put in a home with alzhiemers. A tough choice to make but is was a good. The home tok very good care of her and she seemed very content while she was there

[wingnuts'nbolts]

Thanks for the response. My Mom was in her early 80's when I noticed she couldn't balance her checkbook any more. She could,before that, add or subtract, a column of figures in her head. She was a pianist, but soon couldn't read the music and she never played by ear. Her short term memory really suffered. On the day that Andrew hit florida, I was closing up our house (alone) to take her inland to her sister's house where we spent the night. She asked me no less than 20 times when I was serving lunch, just having had hers.

Even before he died she seemed to have no interest in her husband of 37 years, like she had forgotten who he was. (I would have been thrilled if this had happened 25 years earlier.) She went through his funeral with all the appropriate gloom and "Poor Ken" then she never mentioned him again. However, she never forgot her son, mother, father, uncle, grandparents or my father. She did forget her sister. She talked about my brother but when he came to see her she did not know who he was. She forgot how to walk. She ate well, but after a time I had to feed her. She talked incessantly to a group of friends for whom she had names, and sometimes kept it up all night long.

It seems like they reach a level and stay there for awhile. Then they get worse, and stay there awhile, and so on. She could not read, something she loved doing, and TV had absolutely no meaning to her. Finally she would try to talk and couldn't. She would chew but had trouble swallowing. She knew we took care of her, but not who we were. I was the Lady and my husband was the Mister.

I have to say that throughout the last 6 years some days were better than others, she knew who we were, was loving, or angry. She had a sharp wit that seemed to stay around until the end, and a bawdy sense of humor. When angry she was very outspoken and lucid. One day she told me she was daft. I responded, well daft or not we love you. "One daft more and I'm gone" was her reply. Another day she informed me she was a morphodite!

It is very hard to see your parent losing thier mind slowly, I do understand. I missed my mother desperately while she was declining. My husband was an angel, and when I began to falter he would take over. I could never have done it alone. The very last thing to go were her social graces. She offered every visitor refreshments and a chair. Finally there was nobody in there any more and her heart gave out. Thank God for Hospice.

I do believe the family suffers more than the inflicted. You will find days that are good and you will remember them. This is a tough time for your Mom, but with her children's help she will be alright. Your father will too.

I will think of you often and offer a prayer for you and your family. Let me know how it goes?

[real saxophonist]

Both my parents are gone. Prayers your way. Semper Fi.

[theflagwaver]

My prayers are with you. My grandma lived with us and she had the same thing. It is very difficult to see someone you love change so much. Try to visit as often as possible. Even though it is hard, I think that it is very benificial for your dad to see familiar faces. Besides if the home knows that you or your family are always popping in they will take better care of him. Thats just the way it is. God bless.

[Snow Bunny]

Race I am so very sorry. I will pray for your Dad and you and your whole family.

I know how you feel, my father had Alzhiemers. My heart is right there with you my very dear friend.

[RaceBannon]

thank you very much!

[Clinton's a liar]

I'm so very, very sorry, my friend. You and your Mom will most definitely be in my prayers.

[Alamo-Girl]

Thank you so much for the heads up, kayak! I'm praying for the family right now! And I'm Praising God for the mercies He always provides!