The FReeper Foxhole - Military Humor, Part 2 - February 6th, 2005

see educational sources

[SAMWolf]

Real NCOs

Can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.
Have a spine.

Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.

Can see in the Dark.

Have eyes in the back of their heads.

Still don't trust the Russians.

Still hate the French.

Don't know how to be politically correct.

Don't give a damn about being politically correct.

Think that "politically correct" should fall under sodomy" in the UCMJ.

Love deployments because there is less paperwork and more "real" work.

Can run a 4 miles with a hangover, but can't pass a tape test.

Do not fear women in the military.

Would actually like to date G.I. Jane.

Still know how to use a buffer.

Can tell you anything you want to know about an M1911A1 even though they are no longer in the inventory.

Believe that they do have a rendezvous with destiny.

Believe that "Nuts" wasn't all that Brigadier General McAuliffe said to the Germans at Bastogne.

Don't know how to use a "stress card."

Idolize John Wayne.

Don't believe that AAFES really needs a "commander."

Would have paid money to see Custer getting his clock cleaned.

Really don't like taking shit from those who haven't" been there."

Know how to properly construct a field latrine.

Know how to do a daisy chain.

Knows that a daisy chain is not a sex act.

Might admire the Germans, but still realize they got their asses kicked.

Aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably don't have enough rowboats to invade Taiwan.

Would rather be OPFOR than MOPP 4.

Don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.

Don't need a GPS to find themselves.

Have enough BDU's in their closet to start a surplus store.

Think that MRE's taste good. (with a little hot sauce)

Are convinced that "wall-to-wall" counseling really works.

Have more time on the front-line than most others have in the chow line.

Know how to make coffee when the measuring scoop goes missing.

Know that it's not good coffee when you can see through it.

Don't blame poor marksmanship on their M-16.

Know that shitty leaders will always say they have shitty soldiers.

[SAMWolf]

The Chief of Staff of the Army asked his Sergeant Major, who was both Ranger and Special Forces qualified, which organization he would recommend to form a new anti-terrorist unit. The Sergeant Major responded to the General's question with this parable: If there were a hijacked DELTA 747 being held by terrorists along with its passengers and crew and an anti-terrorist unit formed either by the Rangers or the Special Forces was given a Rescue/Recovery Mission; what would you expect to happen?



Ranger Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If the Rangers went in, they would send a Ranger company of 120 men with standard army issue equipment.

Mission Preparation: The Ranger Company First Sergeant would conduct a Hair Cut and boots inspection.

Infiltration Technique: They would insist on double timing, in company formation, wearing their combat equipment, and singing Jody cadence all the way to the site of the hijacked aircraft.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived, the Ranger company would establish their ORP, put out security elements, conduct a leaders recon, reapply their face cammo, and conduct final preparations for Actions on the OBJ.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would be completed within one hour; all of the terrorists and most of the passengers would have been killed, the Rangers would have sustained light casualties and the DELTA 747 probably would be worthless to anyone except a scrap dealer.


Special Forces Option

Forces/Equipment Committed: If Special Forces went in, they would send only a 12 man team (all SF units are divisible by 12 for some arcane historical reason) however, due to the exotic nature of their equipment the SF Team would cost the same amount to deploy as the Ranger Company.

Mission Preparation: The SF Team Sergeant would request relaxed grooming standards for the team.

Infiltration Technique: The team would insist on separate travel orders with Max Per Diem, and each would get to the site of the hijacking by his own means. At least one third of the team would insist on jumping in.

Actions in the Objective Area: Once they arrived , the SF Team would cache their military uniforms, establish a Team Room, use their illegal Team Fund to stock the unauthorized Team Room Bar, check out the situation by talking to the locals, and have a Team Meeting to discuss the merits of the terrorists' cause.

Results of Operation: The Rescue/Recovery Operation would take two weeks to complete and by that time all of the terrorists would have been killed, (and would have left signed confessions); most of the passengers would be ruined psychologically for the remainder of their lives; and all of the women passengers would be pregnant. The DELTA 747 would be essentially unharmed, the team would have taken no casualties but would have used up, lost or stolen all the "high speed" equipment issued to them.

[Professional Engineer]

Think that "politically correct" should fall under sodomy" in the UCMJ.

ROFLMAO

[Valin]

Don't know how to use a "stress card."


Stress Card. Right. I wonder what wuss thought that one up.

You have to stop yelling at me I've got a stress card, so you just better stop!

[SAMWolf]

When I first heard about that one, I knew we were in trouble.

[Valin]

You got to see this
Bin Laden filmmaker sues Michael Moore
http://freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1337489/posts

[Valin]

I knew a couple of lifers that could/WOULD tell you in great and graphic and obscene detail just where you could go and what you could do with a stress card.

[SAMWolf]

LOL! Good! I hope he wins big time too.

[w_over_w]

By Texas Chili I assume you mean no beans?

Ain't no beans and if yur ain't sweatin' it ain't Texas Chili!

We always bless our food so my guests survived my Tejas chili. California people have such interesting ways of describing things . . . LOL!

I know you're not an NFL fan and these Superbowls have really become corporate orgies but this year God and Country came first with the pregame program . . . and the use of Westpoint, Naval Academy and Air Force Academy choir members to sing the Star Spangle Banner brought tears to my eyes.

And it was a serious butt kicking game. I'm so glad I don't get hit like that anymore.

[SAMWolf]

if yur ain't sweatin' it ain't Texas Chili!

Agree with you there but I need beans in my chili.

Sounds like it was a good game. ;-)

[snippy_about_it]

...and all of the women passengers would be pregnant

LOL.

[snippy_about_it]

Real NCOs...

Dang, these must be true, they describe you perfectly!

[snippy_about_it]

what are they gonna do, make me a cop?"

LOL.

[snippy_about_it]

Good news on both!

[snippy_about_it]

I'm so glad I don't get hit like that anymore.

I'm going to guess you mean you played football?

[SAMWolf]

:-)

[PhilDragoo]

Sgt. Bilko Tv Show

This tv show was a comedy series about a con man Army Sergeant who used his position as leader of a motor pool to earn money via various underhanded schemes. He regularly ran illegal poker games, would sell Army tires and other supplies to local mechanics, etc. Sgt. Bilko's commander, Colonel Hall is constantly trying to catch Bilko and comes close but is never successful.

This site has the complete casting and episode list for the 1955-9 seasons.

I watched Bilko on the Philco.

Thirty years ago up in the mountains in Carson Forest a friend's two hundred acres was the scene of several cabins with stories.

Rudy was an Army lifer with more stories than Bilko.

He and an Army buddy had contrived to get inside the base warehouse where overnight they loaded the liquor for the officers club onto a deuce and a quarter, then drove it out in the morning, with all the booze.

He had lots of those stories, but ran out of liver and died before they could all be told.

~~~

Tehran is terrified by Bush's pronunciamento.

Cheney says we're pursuing the diplomatic angle, but he can't guarantee those wascally Iswaelis won't act yoo-nih-laterally.

Khatami is in full-throated Ceausescu mode, being the very model of a dead man talking.

[w_over_w]

I'm going to guess you mean you played football?

A hundred years ago for dem Tiguhs of LSU.

Recipe in FReepmail.

[Iris7]

I suspect you are right about Khatami, and, for that matter, the entire Iranian ruling class. What happened to the old Hussein ruling class in Iraq? All grateful to get a job cleaning toilets nowadays, hey?

Lots of chest beating (like Tarzan of the movies) and cries of "I'm Bad! I'm Bad!" coming out of Teheran these days. Fear, naked fear.

Wait till the Israelis nuke the Iranian nuclear facilities. The B-52s circling in the neighborhood probably won't even have to follow up with the big ones. And if they do have to clean things up, well, the Israelis must have done it, don't you know.

[E.G.C.]

BTT!!!!!!