|
Posted on 02/06/2005 8:31:36 AM PST by snippy_about_it
|
|
 are acknowledged, affirmed and commemorated.
|
| Our Mission: The FReeper Foxhole is dedicated to Veterans of our Nation's military forces and to others who are affected in their relationships with Veterans. In the FReeper Foxhole, Veterans or their family members should feel free to address their specific circumstances or whatever issues concern them in an atmosphere of peace, understanding, brotherhood and support. The FReeper Foxhole hopes to share with it's readers an open forum where we can learn about and discuss military history, military news and other topics of concern or interest to our readers be they Veteran's, Current Duty or anyone interested in what we have to offer. If the Foxhole makes someone appreciate, even a little, what others have sacrificed for us, then it has accomplished one of it's missions. We hope the Foxhole in some small way helps us to remember and honor those who came before us.
|
 How to Simulate Life in the Army 1. Dig a big hole in your back yard and live in it for 30 days straight. 2. Go inside only to clean the house. On weekends, you can eat in the house, but you can't talk. 3. Pour 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your hole, then shovel it out, stack sandbags around it and cover it with a sheet of old plywood. 4. Fill a backpack with 50 pounds of kitty litter. Never take it off outdoors. Jog everywhere you go. 5. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the scummiest part of town, find the most run down trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold. 6. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower. 7. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn the water pressure in your shower down to a trickle, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it up so hard it peels skin. On Saturdays and Sundays declare to your entire family that they can't use the shower in order to keep it clean for inspection. 8. Go inside and make your bed every morning. Have your wife tear the blankets off at random during the day. Re-make the bed each time until it is time to go back outside and sleep in your hole. 9. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Get up! Get up! You are moving too slow! Get down and do push-ups!" 10. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you. 11. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours. Hang a sign on the bathroom door that says, "Unserviceable." 12. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok for you to leave your house before 5pm. 13. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over. Have them all dig holes in your yard to live in. After 30 days, fill in the holes and wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home as you set out for a 25 mile walk and After-Action-Review. 14. Shower with above-mentioned friends. 15. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.). 16. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes. Write down on a piece of paper everything you want the shop to fix the next time you bring the car in. Give your wife the list to throw away. 17. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours with the windows down before going anywhere. Tune the radio to static and monitor it while letting the car run. If it is cold outside, don't run the heat. Sleep on the hood or roof of your car. 18. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not. 19. Repaint your entire house once a month. Paint white rings around all the trees in your neighborhood. Paint all curbs yellow. Paint all rocks red. 20. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on. 21. Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each pot to sit 5 hours before drinking. 22. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item. 23. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel when you are inside to eat. Tune the tint on the TV to green. 24. Avoid watching your green tinted TV with the exception of movies which are played in the middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one. 25. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears. 26. Sew big pockets to the legs of your pants. Don't use them. 27. Spend 2 weeks sleeping in holes in your neighbor's lawns and call it a deployment. 28. Spend a year sleeping in holes in your local area and call it world travel. 29. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonalds, and NOT get promoted. 30. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead bodies of your co-workers. 31. Blast heavy metal music on your stereo and conduct Ranger PT, grass drills, and sprints on your front lawn after your neighbors have gone to bed. 32. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack, and order them to man their fighting positions. Don't let them eat or sleep again for two days. 33. Make your family menu a week ahead of time and do so without checking the pantry and refrigerator. 34. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at least an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don't pay attention to the menu any more so they just ask for hot dogs. 35. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the oven. Spread icing on real thick to level it off. 36. In the middle of January, place a gate at the end of your street. Have your family stand watches at the gate, rotating at 4-hour intervals. 37. Make your family live with you in your hole for 6 weeks. Then tell them that at the end of the 6th week you're going to take them to Disneyland for "block leave." When the end of the 6th week rolls around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that they need to get ready for Individual Skill Certification, and that it will be another week before they can go back into the house. 38. In your hole (refer to #1), with 200 of your not-so-closest friends (see para. 13), get the flu. 39. Sleep in a thicket of blackberries or rose bushes. Tie a string to your foot that runs to the house. Have your wife yank on the string about 3 hours after you go to sleep. Crawl out of the bushes and go to the house to see what she wants. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble "Just making sure you're okay." 40. Do not sleep from 1:00 a.m. Monday mornings until 3 p.m. Wednesday afternoons. Tie a branch around your neck and chew on sand to stay awake. 41. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, dig a trench into your hole so that it fills up with water. During the worst part of the storm, get out of your hole and go for a 12 mile walk. 42. Don't change your socks for a week. After they disintegrate off with pieces of your feet, put on an unbroken pair of new boots and go for a 12 mile walk. 43. For mechanized infantry or armor types: leave the lawn mower running next to your hole 24 hours a day. When you get an opportunity to sleep in your house, put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high. 44. Have the paperboy give you a haircut. 45. Set up a port-a-potty in the corner of your yard. Once a week, have the service truck back into your yard and pump it out. Make sure the wind carries the smell into your neighbors house. Ignore his complaints. 46. Every other month pull every single possession you own out of your house and line everything up on your lawn from smallest to largest, front to back. Count everything and write it down to file with your insurance company. Give your wife the list to throw away. 47. Lock wire the lug nuts on your car. 48. Buy a trash can, but don't use it. Store the garbage in your hole. 49. Get up every night around midnight and stroll around your yard to "check the perimeter." 50. Run the garden hose to your hole and turn it on. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. Jump up and get dressed as fast as you can. Run out into the backyard and get in your hole. 51. Once a month, take apart every major appliance in your home and put them back together again. 52. Build a scale model of your yard. Make your children draw sketches of it including little arrows indicating what they are going to do when they go out to play. Post these sketches on a bulletin board for reference. 53. Remove the insulation and widen the frames of your front and back doors so that no matter how tight you shut the door, the weather will still get inside. 54. Every so often, throw the cat in front of your hole and shout "Enemy in the wire! Fire Claymores!" Then run into the house cut off the circuit breaker. Yell at the wife and kids for violating security and not maintaining good noise and light discipline. 55. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go sit in your car. Say to no one in particular "Lost-One, this is Lost-Three, are you lost too, over?" Sit there for three or four hours with the engine running. Say again to no one in particular "Negative contact, Lost-Three out." Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a box.      |
Afternoon alfa6.
Afternoon PE.
B-52 - "Join the Air Force, fly the plane your father flew"
ROFLMAO LMAO LMAO
OMG that's funny
Hi miss Feather
Howdy ma'am
LOL!
How's bittygirl's flu bug?
On This Day In History
Birthdates which occurred on February 06:
1564 Christopher Marlowe English poet/dramatist (Dr Faustus)
1608 Antonio Vieira Portuguese Jesuit preacher
1665 Anne Stuart Queen of England (1702-14)
1756 Aaron Burr Newark NJ, (D-R), 3rd US Vice-President (1801-05),dueler
1830 Marcellus Monroe Crocker Brigadier General (Union volunteers), died in 1865)
1832 John Brown Gordon Major General (Confederate Army), died in 1904
1833 James Ewell Brown "JEB" Stuart Major General (Commander of Cavalry, Confederate Army)
1834 William Dorsey Pender Major General (Confederate Army), died in 1863
1874 Milton Bennett Medary US, architect (Washington Chapel)
1888 Ljudmil Stojanow Bulgarian poet (Metsh i Slowo, Cholera)
1890 Anton Hermann Fokker aviation pioneer
1893 Sir Muhammad Zafrulla Khan President of UN General Assembly (1962-63)
1895 George Herman (Babe) Ruth Baltimore MD, baseball great (Yankees)
1899 Ramon Novarro [José RG Samaniegos], Durango Mexico, actor (Ben Hur)
1900 Roy Smeck guitarist/banjoist
1902 Louis Nizer lawyer/author (defended blacklisted stars in the '50s, Catspaw)
1908 General Edward Lansdale model for "Quiet American" & "Ugly American"
1911 Ronald Reagan Illinois, actor (Bedtime for Bonzo)/40th President (R) (1981-89)
1912 Eva Braun mistress of Adolf Hitler
1922 Patrick MacNee London England, actor (Jonathan Steed-Avengers)
1931 Rip Torn Texas, actor (Coma, Summer Rental, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof)
1932 François Truffaut Paris France, director (Jules & Jim, Fahrenheit 451)
1939 Mike Farrell St Paul MN, actor/idiot/useful fool (BJ Honeycutt-MASH, Battered)
1940 Tom Brokaw Yankton SD, news anchor (NBC Nightly News 1982- )
1943 Fabian Forte Philadelphia PA, singer (Turn Me Loose, Tiger)
1943 Gayle Hunnicutt Ft Worth TX, actress (Legend of Hell House, Dallas)
1945 Bob Marley Jamaican reggae vocalist (Bob Marley & Wailers-Roots Rock Reggae)
1950 Natalie Cole Los Angeles CA, singer (Unforgettable)
1961 Yuri Ivanovich Onufriyenko Russian major/cosmonaut (Mir, Soyuz TM-23)
1962 Axl Rose [William Bailey] Lafayette IN, rocker (Guns & Roses)
A plane carrying an Air Force general lands in Thule, Greenland. The plane is serviced by the ground crew, one of whom is emptying the toilet.
Because of the snow and cold, he has considerable difficulty in hooking up the lines. The general on board, impatient at the delay, snaps, "Tell that airman to hurry up or he's in some kind of trouble."
The tower relays the message and the crewman radios back, "I'm an E-2, I'm in Thule, Greenland, it's winter, and I'm pumping sh*t out of a plane.
What are they going to do to me?"
Bitty Girl is doing well. The antibiotics have a side effect, which is causing diaper changes every 5-30 minutes. I need Pampers stock!
She has also learned to climb the stairs. Oh boy.
I'm doing taxes now. I just downloaded and was printing PUB. 600, when Msdrby says, hey do you need this? She proceeded to hand me a hardcopy of said PUB. oops.
One of a kind.
LOL.
Sort of like a line Sam says they always repeated in Vietnam if they were in trouble, "What are they gonna do, send me to Vietnam?"
AAAACK. Taxes AND messy diapers. Geez, you are in it deep today! ;-)
We used to say "what are they gonna do, make me a cop?"
Give the girl some credit, she was married to him. For a whole 12 minutes.
Don't shoot him, Chanute him!
He's the man!
Hopefully we'll see someone like him again someday.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
