Posted on 08/12/2003 6:44:10 PM PDT by Between the Lines
CultMaster Software
The power of modern computer technology joins the ancient battle against cults ! Have you ever felt like you were the only authentic Christian left ? Now you can prove it, with the new CultMaster CD-Rom package
CultMaster is produced by Kingdom of the Truly Righteous, a business founded by experienced professional cult-fighters who now make their skills available to you. For just $99.99, CultMaster will let you prove that anyone who doesn't see things your way is any of the following:
non-Christian a member of a cult a heretic a Satan worshipper plotting to take over the world brainwashed a money grubbing evangelist a fanatic a liberal Democrat
The new CultMaster software now includes two major modules. First, there is the Cult Exposer module, which contains explosive documentation on the doctrinal absurdities and historical scandals behind over 3,000 religious denominations, including every major Christian denomination in the United States except yours (all negative information about your denomination of choice is deleted during the initial installation of the software).
For example, if your denomination is Methodist, you can access Cult Exposer to print out detailed briefs showing why Lutherans, Catholics and even Presbyterians are pitiful, deluded followers of a lie, adhering to doctrines that clearly make them non-Christian cultists.
Cult Exposer is customizable, allowing you to classify others as falling into any or all of the categories listed above. You make the allegations, we provide the evidence, drawing upon a vast library of Biblical commentary, anti-religious writings, historical information, and scandalous quotes from past leaders and members of the accused organization.
Catholics: watch your Lutheran friends tremble as they learn that Martin Luther advocated bigamy for Henry VIII Lutherans: stun your Catholic neighbors with solid Biblical evidence that only Lutherans can possibly be Christians Mormons: Learn why you are the only ones who are not members of a cult
Cultmaster is so powerful that it can make a non-Christian pagan out of anybody
For those rare cases where the Cult Exposer module doesn't offer just what you're looking for, or for those times when you must denounce someone who doesn't fit neatly into the 3000 denominations covered, the Custom Cult Slayer module has just what you need.
Custom Cult Slayer allow you to choose from over 500 crucial doctrinal issues which might differentiate your beliefs from those of someone else.
Once you've selected a group of beliefs where you differ from others, Custom Cult Slayer uses those beliefs to create an exclusionary definition of "Christian" to show why you are one and others aren't. This is a powerful technique which Kingdom of the Truly Righteous, and others have used successfully in books and pamphlets for years. For the first time, this method -- known as "Semantic Redefinition for Exclusivity" -- is now available for domestic use, thanks to CultMaster.
This exclusive software, so powerful that it can exclude almost anyone from Christianity except you, has years of research and evidence sifting behind it. But now you can be a cult expert in only minutes! Pick the target, click the mouse, and watch as CultMaster provides solid proof of scandal, occult practices, and non-Christian beliefs. With CultMaster as your theological watchdog, it's just "Pick, Click, and Sic" every time.
If your local store doesn't carry CultMaster, they've probably been infiltrated by a cult. In that case, order direct by calling 1-900-HEL-FIRE and start putting the heat on the cultists around you ! Start saving the world today !!!
"What is a million years like to you?"
"Like one second," God replies.
"Oh. Well, what is a million dollars like to you?"
God says, "Like one penny".
"Can I have a penny, Lord?" the man asks.
"Sure, just a second."
One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job.
He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon.
He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint. It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint.
That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away.
The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I do?"
A voice came back from the heavens saying, "Repaint, and thin no more!" 1
I thought that strange too, but the page I link to is a humor only web site. I think that it is most likely that even the humorists never thought a religion would use the name "one true religion". I did check it out before I posted the article and decided it was only by a very humorous accident and not for subversive reasons that they chose this name. That is why however I did not copy the web address in my post.
Well goody for you RonF I did not have a copy! nor I have I seen this before on the religions forum! I have also done a search and this is the only thread showing on this subject. It your post was Tongue N'Cheek excuse me!
There is a bigger more encompasing version? So much for the $99.99 I wasted on this limited module. I gotta have the complete version. Where can it be found?
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