Is it more comforting to know that God is not in charge and evil defeats the will of God?
Your construct is eithor God did not know or care
or
God knew and cared but was powerless
I would argue that Life and death is in thew hands of the creator and that we all have our days numbered before we are even born
I could never understand how, once knowing the truth, you could exchange it for the great Calvinist lie. Perhaps this is the erroreous presupposition that caused the problem. Those are NOT the range of available choices.
The truth is God knew and cared, but had committed to allow man (and other beings) the use of his/their free will and that free will brought about the evil and the continued evil that we see. God's voluntary refusal to rein in the evil in the world is not the result of a lack of care or a lack of knowledge, but because He so values fellowship with a voluntary being and the tolerance of that evil is the price of that fellowship.
So, the irrational evil which you (and all of us) have experienced is NOT -- NOT -- NOT imposed on us by the evil-spirited god of the Calvinist construct, but is the result of the evil of this world which is tolerated by the loving God of the Bible as the price of true fellowship with His voluntary and volitional created beings.
Me heart breaks that the only way you can reconcile the irrational evil which you (and all of us) have experienced in this life is to join in the Calvinist slander of the loving Nature of the True God -- and attrribute it to Him.