While I agree with you that we must rejoice that our loved ones are now with God, I don’t see that as resolving our grief.
We hope and believe that we will be reunited with them, of course, and take some solace in that.
But we mourn them, their presence in our daily lives, the warmth of the relationship we had with them (most of the time) - and the regret for the times we struggled with one another. How we wish we could have a do-over for those rougher spots. We grieve for ourselves, our feelings of brokenness, of emptiness without their being by our sides.
My husband died in March of 2012. He died from Parkinson’s with Lewy Body. I was his sole cargiver throught his long illnes, and kept him at home with hospice helping me until the end. Of course, I feel joy and relief that he is with God, and no longer suffering.
I still have a huge hole in my life and my heart, however. Most of the time I get along quite well, and have adjusted. But, your post makes me feel deficient, as failing, as if my faith should eliminate any grief and pain that I feel because of not having him with me for all these years.
I think we must find a better way to console those who grieve. You are too close to the edge of blaming those of us who have lost children and husbands. I don’t think it is an either-or situation. Grief at the loss of the relationship, but solace that someday our natural grief will end, and we will meet again.
I do keep it to myself, however, tucked away inside my heart. Your post asking for my thoughts is why I am responding. Everyone grieves differently, and there is no one “right way” to grieve as a Christian, in my opinion.
I understand the need to grieve, I also realize if we and our loved one is saved, then why not rejoice that they are where you wish to be one day.
I am sure one day I will grieve my wife’s loss, if she dies first, but I also know where she will be, and will do my best to move forward by being strong so that I can continue being of service for the Lord.
I mentioned the apostles, did you know that there are no writings about them grieving over the loss of a loved one who was martyred? They thought it worthy they suffered, and like their fellow apostle, they too looked forward to the day when it would be their turn to carry that cross to death.