I read your FR story. I’m so sorry about your tribulations, but glad you found what you needed. I believe I’m a good person. I regret many things in my youth, but later have shown my worth in life. However, I will not “submit” to Jesus or any entity. Christ accepts me for who I am or doesn’t. If he’s all that, he can see into my heart. I will always love his values and principles.
BTW, 'dead to the life of God is not the same as non-existant, it is forever apart from all that the Love of God offers, a state of torment even if only the realization that you can never enjoy what is the state of Life in Christ's eternal being alive.
I don't doubt that you are a good man. That place of torment will be plentious with good men that chose in their personal pride to not believe / trust in God's provision for their graduation into eternal Life. You can believe with your will, privately, with an amazing result of being born from above in that instant. If past experience is teacher, once born from above you will want to tell someone and strt feeding on His provisions for the members of His family.
Privately, just between you and God, swallow your pride of self worth and accept His Grave for you. Do it before too long and I'll rejoice to see you in the clouds with the rest of us sinners who hve set aside our pride of self worth.
Jesus died claiming to be equal with God. Even His enemies acknowledged that claim. It is simple historicity.
It doesn’t take very much faith to address this simple historical fact — was Jesus a good person or an evil person? That’s the tiny mustard seed of faith required. The rest is simple honest historicity.