Posted on 06/26/2018 8:57:37 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o
At the start of the fall semester of my senior year of college, I was receiving the Eucharist every day. The problem was, I was not Catholic. I had begun attending daily Mass four months before, drawn less by the Catholic faith than by the soothing regularity of the liturgy. Whenever the host was administered, I went up with the rest of the parish and received it without a second thought.
But by September, I could no longer plead ignorance. I had begun to participate in the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults and was learning about church doctrine and the theology of the sacraments, including how the Eucharist is the “source and summit of the Christian life.” I also learned that people were not supposed to take the Eucharist unless they had received first Communion. How could I live with this contradiction: breaking the rules of the very church I wanted to join? At the start of my senior year of college, I was taking the Eucharist every day. The problem was, I was not Catholic.
Around that time, I posed the question in my journal: “Maybe I should stop taking the Eucharist until I’m confirmed, but could I bear that?” I had developed a burning desire for the body and blood of Christ. And when I went to Mass, that was the only thing that mattered: fulfilling this personal desire to commune with God through the Blessed Sacrament.
But by fulfilling this desire, I was isolating myself from others. By continuing to receive Communion I was taking myself out of the adult initiation process and creating division between myself and the other catechumens and candidates, who were patiently waiting for their first Communion. I was also distancing myself from the greater Catholic community by ignoring the stages that the church in her wisdom has laid out for catechumens and candidates prior to full reception into the church. But the thought of waiting for the Eucharist seemed too much to bear. My faith was growing, yes, but it was also becoming increasingly individualistic.
How could I live with this contradiction: breaking the rules of the very church I wanted to join?
There was another problem. In addition to my daily Eucharist habit, I was watching pornography nearly every other day.
People often worry that pornography encourages men to view women as expendable and interchangeable sex partners, that it prioritizes sexual “intimacy” over emotional intimacy. I am sure that is true for some users. But I had been viewing pornography since middle school, and it was not leading me to have casual sex with all kinds of women. Instead, it led me to completely isolate myself, both sexually and emotionally.
In college, I developed a fear of sex. It seemed so risky. The potential for awkwardness, rejection and pain hung over me whenever I thought about sexual intimacy with another person. Watching pornography was much better, I felt, because it was safe. There was no potential for hurt because I was alone with a screen. This fear seeped into my friendships, too. It was much easier for me to fence myself off from others and not let anyone get too close because the potential for pain was more than I could bear.
My decision to refrain from Communion also forced me to reconsider how I thought about sex.
Deep down, however, I wanted more. I wanted to experience intimacy with others. I started by giving up Communion. In the week following my September journal entry, I decided to abstain from the Blessed Sacrament until my first Communion. Abstaining meant abandoning a certain “cave mentality” of living my faith on my own. It invited me to share my budding faith with others who were walking with me on the journey.
But my decision to refrain from Communion also forced me to reconsider how I thought about sex. The parallels were all too real. If abstaining from my strong urge to have the body and blood would allow me greater communion in the end, could the same be true of giving up porn?
I started taking seriously the prospect of marriage and how watching pornography might inhibit my ability to be intimate with my future spouse. I acknowledged its disconnecting properties—that it ultimately separates me from others. I asked, how could I share in the beautiful gift of sex with my future spouse if I kept teaching myself, through every porn clip, that sex was a solitary activity? How could I possibly survive the intimacy and vulnerability of marriage when I was fencing myself off from those exact things by using pornography?
I saw that I had to expel pornography from my life in order to free myself from its narcissism. Ultimately, I had to free myself to pursue something greater. And it was the end goal itself—experiencing intimacy in marriage—that made pornography less and less appealing to me. Through the grace of God, I stopped a decade-long habit of giving in to the safe, self-gratifying act of watching porn.
Sex was never meant to be a solitary activity, but for 10 years that was all sex was for me. In a similar way, the way of the Christian was never meant to be solitary. The process of Christian initiation illuminated these truths and taught me that immediate passions must give way in order for us to experience true communion.
Four weeks before Easter Sunday, the members of my R.C.I.A. cohort were asked to examine our lives in preparation for receiving the sacraments. After a moment of reflection, we went around in a circle and shared our reflections. I was shocked to hear another candidate speak about the struggle she had with a self-gratifying sexual practice. When this person finished, I jumped in to talk about my own similar experience. She thanked me for sharing, and for a moment, I felt the solidarity that is our true end. We were two Christians, yearning for more.
A lot of people think that porn is victimless.
But somebody appears in it. And I have to believe
they do not walk away unscathed.
Good point. We do indeed agree on that. I would welcome Protestants' (or "anybody's) participation 95% of the time. It's the 5% who hijack the thread that really aggravate me.
So that's a done deal. You may as well jump in at this point with your "You worship Mary" cut-and-pastes.
Just as the B-52s were being recalled you have to post this.
Back to the Fail-Safe points I guess.
I agree, Brother Buck.
And I would add that even if there's no actual human "porn star" (say it's a CGI or a sexbot or an anime) it does not leave the viewer unscathed, either. It is internally defiling.
This is because it impresses a stimulus-response pattern on sexuality in such a way that it can render the viewer unmarriageable. Why? Because he can't relate fully to a real flesh-and-blood-and-heart-and-soul beloved woman.
There's always a third party in the bed: the hyper-stimulating obscene image. The porn he's partnered with.
Tagline.
Sorry, Mrs. D, but it sure looks like the sentence was deliberately omitted so as to avoid making it an OPEN Religion Forum thread. The OP article goes on with subsequent paragraphs pasted in and the only difference was this sentence that would disqualify the Caucus label. I'll take your word for it that you did so inadvertently, but the suspicion is deserved.
AKA - poisoning the well
The last sentence of a paragraph just ups and disappears on it’s own?
I’ve posted enough articles myself and I have never seen a whole sentence delete itself when I copy and paste the article.
Even when I copy just paragraphs out of an article, it takes deliberate action to leave out an entire sentence.
Are you not aware that when posting a thread, if the article mentions other faiths, it disqualifies it from the caucus label?
I find it very coincidental that the sentence that deleted itself just happened to be the one that mentions Protestanism.
My Dad used to leave Playboy magazines around and both my brothers went on to have “issues” with pornography. Both have been married more than twice, have cheated on their wives, have molested family members, etc. It was a terrible example that perpetuated immorality.
Get a grip.
ONE comment by a person is not beating a dead horse.
From Personal MessagesI am such a technotard, this is embarrassing.FR was up this morning when I started online.
I omitted the sentence *deliberately* to avoid exactly this kind of aggravation. Then realized it was pointless since, either way, I *still* couldn’t use the Caucus designation. I opened up in another tab and hence the two versions. Then my screen went white.
I was bummed out because at that point I thought I had sent them both. FR went down briefly-— but how long I do not know, maybe just a flicker. I growled, and hit “Reset” thinking it might be something wrong with my computer --- which it might have been -— and went and got my coffee. And when I came back, FR was up again.
So I thought "What the heck, leave good enough alone." That was my mistake.
As I said before, I do not mind anyone contacting the mod to remove the Caucus label. That in itself would have been helpful. I should have jumped in and done it myself. However, if somebody else jumps in, I don't mind it one bit.
What I don't like is hostile accusation and baiting. You haven't generally reacted that way,. I very much appreciate your good will.
I've seen this stuff happen, and it makes my heart hurt.
Do NOT continue to ping me to every comment you make.
Message to all posters on this thread:
I do not debate posters or my decisions.
Stay focused on the the points made in the article.
Discuss the issues all you want, but do not make it personal.
If the other guy in the dispute was given a warning, consider yourself warned as well
A myth perpetuated in every other movie depicting that era.
Me: I used to think like that.
Liberal: What happened?
Me: I turned 14.
LOL. You were so precocious!
This is actually a beautiful post. Thanks. And if he makes any mistakes before marriage, he knows how to seek forgiveness and he will be forgiven. I understand the power of the Catholic Church. In Europe in college I would get up early on SUNDAY as a Jew and go down to the 11th century cathedral just to hear the music and the Latin and the smells etc. I may not have converted but I see the power of Gd in that religion. We earthly people need to use our senses to get holier. We are not angels. We are of the earth. He’s on the right path.
From Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis:
Enemy-occupied territory — that is what this world is. Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage. When you go to church you are really listening — in to the secret wireless from our friends: that is why the enemy is so anxious to prevent us from going. He does it by playing on our conceit and laziness and intellectual snobbery.
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