Posted on 08/31/2015 11:26:42 AM PDT by xzins
In my opinion, only God can truly answer this question. Spouses are encouraged to spend extended time in the Word and obedience to it, as well as extended times of prayer and fasting, and seeking godly counsel. All destructive relationships and toxic counsel must be severed as you seek to answer this question.
Many great bible teachers are divided on this issue. Some believe that remarriage to another is never allowed unless one of the spouses dies, but others suggest that it is permissible when adultery and abandonment occur. Much of the controversy centers on Matthew 5:32 where Jesus says, "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."
Remarriage is not the issue here; manipulation and abandonment are. I appreciate the words of J. Nolland on this point: "The normal understanding of Mt. 5:32b runs the danger of leaving the woman involved a double victim: she has been divorced by a husband who may well have rejected her at his own whim and is now to be barred from any new relationship because she bears the stigma of the 'divorcee'.
Matthew 5:32 has a twofold warning: 1) Do not divorce without cause. 2) Do not pursue a relationship with someone who has abandoned their spouse. Unfortunately, many add, "If you've experienced divorce, you cannot remarry—period." Not only does the text not say this, this statement actually condemns someone for the actions of another: Forbidding remarriage because of the actions of the previous spouse.
One thing is certain, if the Scriptures on marriage and divorce were fully taught and acknowledged, it would create more serious consideration before marriage, and would be a great deterrent to divorce. Lack of regard for the Scriptures has taken us to the other extreme—no fault divorce.
I believe that God hates divorce; reconciliation is pleasing to Him. There are instances, in my opinion, when one is released through adultery and/or abandonment; however, reconciliation should still be sought. First and foremost, God's will is that we walk in integrity, follow His principles, use wisdom, be patient, and seek Him during the journey. For some, reconciliation may result, for others it may not.
When reconciliation does not occur, the enemy often resurrects past failures to hinder peace and joy. We become very fearful ... we do not want to experience the pain of divorce again.
If you are separated, or recently divorced, and are lacking peace and joy, I encourage you to rethink your current situation. Confusion, anxiety, fear and some forms of depression are sometimes indicators that we are outside of God's will. (Please note the word "sometimes".) One of the biggest obstacles when considering restoration or seeking direction is becoming involved with someone soon after you divorce or separate. This can severely hinder your chance for reconciliation, as well as your ability to follow God's lead. Avoid this at all costs.
God has given us the freedom to choose, and, in marriage, the choices of one will affect the life of the other. If your spouse has left, and you've waited and have done all that you can do biblically, I believe that God will consider your heart more than your circumstances. King David was not able to build the temple because of his past—he was a man of war, but God said, "Whereas it was in your heart to build a temple for My name, you did well in that it was in your heart" (2 Chronicles 6:8). Contextually, this verse is not dealing with marriage, but the overlapping principle applies: Because David's heart was right, God continued to direct him.
Many often thank the Lord for using divorce to bring them back to Him. I don't believe that God causes divorce, but He does use it to bring the prodigal son home. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin; rejecting Christ is.
Clearly understand that I'm not advocating divorce, nor am I saying that if you are currently separated that divorce become an option because better opportunities await you. God hates divorce and anyone who has been there knows why.
I must reiterate: I believe, first and foremost, in reconciliation and restoration but these are not always options. That's why a personal relationship with Jesus and obedience to God's Word is profoundly important. Through that relationship you will be able to make the right decision. It won't be easy because lives have been damaged, dreams destroyed, and promises broken, but God continually redeems us through His forgiveness as we forgive others. God desires that we know His will and follow His lead, especially during the detours of life.
Many divorced Christians carry years of regret into future relationships. If God is doing a new thing, it's vitally important that past brokenness does not prevent future plans. But if God is ministering restoration in your spirit, wait for it; contend for it; pray fervently for it. I also encourage you to remove everything that may hinder restoration (e.g., wrong relationships, strongholds, addictions, anger, u-forgiveness, bitterness, etc.), and seek Him wholeheartedly and unconditionally. He will direct you ... this I know.
True. But I have family members whose spouse has suddenly wanted a divorce. Even though thats not what the family member wanted, and sought to reconcile, the spouse filed and went through with it. Not everyone who is divorced wanted it or played an active part in it.
I hate divorce. But in our sinful and broken world it happens. We should not treat those who have been divorced as pariah’s, that’s not what Jesus does.
Correct, but there does need to be some limits.
I have seen that to (in my own family). My cousin did not remarry until many sessions with her pastor and others.
As I understand Mt 19 and 5, a man doesn’t commit adultery if he divorces an unfaithful wife. The relevant verses are below.
1. Infidelity is an exception. (Mt 19, Mk 5)
2. The infidel is the CAUSE of any adultery by both the former spouse and anyone who marries them.
3. Adultery is against the former spouse (Mt 10)
4. A woman, specifically, is bound to her husband by marriage. (Ro 7, 1 Co 7)
5. Couples in which both parties are Christians are to remain married.
6. Split faith couples must remain together if the unbeliever chooses to stay together. (1 Co 7)
7. If the unbeliever deserts the marriage, then the bond mentioned in Ro 7 and 1 Co 7 is no longer in existence.
Summation:
1. Infidelity can lawfully break a marriage.
2. “Remarriage adultery” after infidelity is the fault of the infidel.
3. Desertion breaks the bond of marriage as if the marriage never existed.
Mt 19:9 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
Mt 5:32 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Luke 16: 18 “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Mark 10: 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
Ro 7: 2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. 3 So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.
1 Co 7: 10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
1 Co 7:39 39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
2 Co 6: 14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
No, Mom MD, recognizing that God wasn’t in a marriage is not an indictment of God, but of the people who entered into the marriage without understanding what marriage truly is, or being capable or willing to bring God into the marriage.
See #43. Should have pinged you.
Thank you, I did read it. I suppose that my whole issue is: what constitutes unfaithfulness? I don’t accept a narrow, almost Clintonian definition of physical copulation as the sole and exclusive definition of infidelity which justifies a divorce.
I have a friend who was in a hellishly oppressive and demeaning marriage, and who was prone to depression and strong, recurrent suicidal ideation. No attempts were made, but preparations were. During those periods, the spouse would double down on denigrating and belittling abuse, and draw their child into it as well, verbally snotting off and mocking the depressed friend. That level of malice and rejection is infidelity in my book, but that spouse abused scripture to defend the treatment meted out to my friend.
I don’t know. I see so much legalism applied to this subject. Very Clintonian in spirit, much of the time.
There is integrity in determining when we are simply reading what the literal words say on the page. It is not a bad thing to know that.
When we get to interpretation of what those literal words mean in terms of our theology, we must be honest with what is there. It’s important to apply the remainder of the Bible, and, within reason, any insights from the culture.
I think it is important to remember that this was a polygamous society, that even in Abraham’s home, he was being given extra wives by his wives of marriage. David starts with two and gets to five and doesn’t have anything to do with one of them after she insults him. And probably because any child would have been both an heir of Saul and of David, so the tribes would have been hard pressed not to make that child the king.
Paul tells us that Bishops and Deacons can have only one wife, so that suggests that some Christian men had more than one wife.
In the Old Testament, one instance of a concubine being horribly abused by the men of Gibeah, I think, there was a justified war started. Dinah being abused led to the deaths of her rapist and the men of his city by the sons of Jacob. The marrying and giving in marriage of the ante-diluvian inhabitants of the earth was part of what brought on the great flood of Noah’s time. The adultery of David and Bathsheba led to the deaths of both Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, and the son born to David and Bathsheba.
The marriage promise is not to be taken lightly.
At the same time, God never condones life threatening violence, and permits actions of self-preservation.
To me, violence and real emotional abuse are forms of desertion. If you get forced out of your home by fear of death, how is that different than someone leaving your home? Either way you have been intentionally separated by the actions of the partner.
I just need to be honest that I’m interpreting that from scripture. I’m not reading it from scripture. But it isn’t contrary to scripture.
I understand and appreciate your points. I certainly don’t claim authority in my own musings. A client (from another matter) has asked me to prepare divorce papers. I do so with heavy heart, as I am so fond of each of them, but there is nothing left to work with. I don’t understand, as they are both so visibly caring towards one another, and yet so determined to dissolve the marriage.
Divorce is a bit like death. Discordant, as it is not and never was a part of God’s original plans; inherently wretched and sad; but in some cases a merciful end.
Think what you want, but in this context, the text is addressing physical treatment, not emotional or spiritual fidelity. There is no figurative sense to this. A Hindu woman turning from idols to God has no excuse for leaving her Hindu husband, to whom she still owes allegiance (for instance).
Bingo, Mom!
What is divorce but an "out"?
This may be one of those dichotomies between the New Testament and the Old Testament.
Wouldn't be the first. After all, Joshua had 1000 wives and concubines. I doubt that Jesus would have approved of that.
I think that was Solomon. I don’t recall that being said of Joshua.
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