Posted on 05/29/2014 9:19:42 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
After sharing my story of overcoming homosexuality with the Prodigal community last month, I have been approached by more people than ever whose stories and struggles are similar to mine asking for more specifics about how I went from being attracted to women to legitimately being attracted to men.
Also interesting, I have been approached by heterosexual people who have never struggled with same sex attraction wanting to know more about the mystery that is homosexuality and seeking to understand its dynamics and how a person can “get there”.
Regardless of the background of those who inquire about my struggle, the conversation that follows both angles of questioning is mostly the same, and I find it to be a place where bridges are being built. Up to now, the inability to understand our differences has given place for anger and hostility to rise between the two perspectives, but I believe a new conversation is unfolding where compassion will take root.
With no frame of reference within themselves, it’s sometimes difficult for those who have never experienced same sex attraction to understand, and it’s a challenge for their spiritual growth to actively love and choose not to view those who do struggle as intentionally deviant.
Those who are attracted to the same sex usually can’t fathom an existence where it’s not at least something of a perfectly natural temptation, and struggle not to view those who say they can’t relate to them as unenlightened bigots. From their perspective, it is really hard to get your head around the lack of sympathy.
I want to share more details about my process here in the name of bridge building.
–so this is not intended to be an oversimplified answer that is applicable to everyone, but I’ve seen evidence that the more people who have been on both sides of the issue and are willing to share their perspectives, the better off our culture will be.
Because I fought my sexuality so adamantly, I was not in many long-term relationships with women. But there were a few women I was especially attracted to – enough so that I was willing to suspend my convictions and attempt to form a relationship. These usually lasted just a few months. The relationships were characterized by a kind of manic excitement at first, with undertones of fear of abandonment and jealousy in place from the start.
Over a short period of time the undertones would become defining marks of the relationship, and I would hold the person tightly to myself with the sense that letting go would be losing not only them, but part of me.
The relationships would become either a highly dysfunctional tug of war of control and jealousy or a symbiotic existence of codependency and expectations that mounted too high for either person to achieve. In either scenario, disappointment and heartache were certain to follow. In reflecting on the way my relationships went when I gave in to my same sex attractions,
–over time I began to realize that the women I was drawn to were women who had either physical characteristics or personality traits that I felt were inadequate in my own expression of womanhood.
For example, I was mostly drawn to bubbly personalities because I am a quiet and serious person much of the time. Or I was drawn to petite women because with my larger frame, I never felt I fit the bill for what a woman should look like to be considered attractive in our society. When this first occurred to me, it didn’t seem that wrong because even heterosexual couples seek people who complement their weaknesses. Opposites attract.
Then I saw that anytime I was hurt by my partner, the pain was so deep it was as if my sense of womanhood was being threatened. I was controlling, possessive and expressed a strong need for agreement and affirmation because I had somewhere in the process looped this person into my identity as an inseparable part of me.
Any action they took that indicated a distinction between us as people resulted in a fight. I felt either legitimized as a valuable person or completely worthless based on their everyday responses to me. When I first began to see and understand that this is what was at work in me, I started to rise up a little bit against it. The foundations of my faith gave me the understanding that I could and should call out to God for completion and identity in these areas instead of trying to draw it out of a relationship with a woman, or any human for that matter.
The revelation came that I was engaging in idolatry, expecting wholeness and fulfillment from something and someone that wasn’t designed to give it to me, and I was valuing that as primary to God. It was angering and humiliating when I saw that I was underestimating my own womanhood and allowing some other woman to define what was rightfully and uniquely mine to express.
–and I started looking for that affirmation in the mirror – the one I dressed in front of each day and the one in the Word of God. I wasn’t immediately changed entirely. The habits of my emotions and sexuality were forces to be reckoned with for sure (that’s where the “fight” came in), but I was free from the trappings that would draw me back in with any real level of expectation.
Freedom introduced a new level of logic I had not experienced in my struggle before, and as a result I never engaged the idea of a same sex relationship again with any sense of merit or as a legitimate option for my life.
As time went on and my expression of womanhood became more clear and defined in me, I grew in confidence, and began to look at men with new eyes. Over time I began to evaluate what I would want in a man, and it became very clear to me that I was certain my attraction to women had ended I was in fact sexually and emotionally attracted to men.
In addition to a beautiful marriage, God has added to my life the joy of godly, healthy friendships with other women. I couldn’t imagine my life another way. Here are the concerns that bring questions to my heart as I continue to live this story:
How can we be about the business of building bridges between those who experience same sex attraction and those who don’t?
How can we begin to have this conversation in healthy and productive ways in our culture?
Are we digging deep, as Christians, finding honor for all people?
That almost ended my lunch!
Christianity has cured more mental disorders than all of the shrinks combined.
Shrinks don’t want to cure anything, they want repeat customers
Very good article...and timely. I’m dealing with a guy on another forum who is saying that same sex attraction is normal and that God endorses homosexuality as long as they are in a committed relationship...twisted i know but this article really is a testament to the power of God to show us where we fall short and how we try to make up for it by using our own solutions or cultures solutions instead of God’s.
"The refusal to be disillusioned is the cause of much of the suffering in human life [and, I would add, in all human relationships]. It works in this way--if we love a human being and do not love God, we demand of him [or her] every perfection and every rectitude [perhaps that we find lacking in ourselves?], and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; we are demanding of a human being that which he or she cannot give".
"There is only one Being Who can satisfy the last aching abyss of the human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Why Our Lord is apparently so severe regarding every human relationship is because He knows that every relationship not based on loyalty to Himself [who is God] will end in disaster."
Our Lord trusted no man, yet He was never suspicious, never bitter. Our Lord's confidence in God and in what His grace could do for any man was so perfect that He despaired of no one."
"If our trust is placed in human beings, we shall end in despairing of everyone."
And-- I would add--if our trust is placed in Christ, we can find a reason to rejoice in anyone!
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I doubt that.
I would conjecture that most shrinks decided to enter the profession after, shall we say, first hand experience with the profession.
This woman’s search for identity in relationship is every woman’s search.
I’m an old, married, woman. I had no trouble identifying with every statement of her inward struggles.
She looked for identity and love in women for a season.
It’s no different than having unrealistic expectations from a man.
God will allow us to become disappointed {huge, huge understatement!} in those relationships until we discover everything we need in Christ, His grace and mercy to needy people.
Notice how she was holding onto her partner’s moobs.
‘With serious gaps in my identity closing quickly, I began to see the appeal of having a man in my life.’
As I see it what mostly renders men appealing to women is the ability to move heavy furniture from one place to another and another. To dig postholes for decorative landscaping, to lift heavy bags of concrete and fertilizer, to kill spiders and mice and to get up in the middle of the night when she hears an unusual noise. To place various objects in high places she can not reach and to carry in the bags of whatever she has spent the money on from the car. Turning over heavy mattresses and bringing a paycheck home large enough to keep her in the style that she wishes to become accustomed to.
Have I missed anything ladies?:)
lol
Wait, in the same way as molestation victims turn gay and/or become abusers themselves?
Bump
I do think same-sex attraction is easier to get into, and easier to get out of, for females. Girls often have affectionate, cuddly, emotionally-intense relationships with other girls, which could turn sexual with little nudging; but they often get out of these twosomes because they become too suffocating.
Girlsx2: all those feeling! All that relationship-talk! All that estrogen at once!
Well said.
Yep, that's pretty much how I see it too...........but you forgot to add "somebody to bitch at when all the above chores have been completed"
This is the real Christy.
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