I’m sorry to hear that your Granny’s church didn’t serve widows and orphans as they are charged to do. That’s a shame. Also, don’t be surprised, this side of the Second Coming, that churches have sinners in them! Everyone but Christ will, at some time, let you down.
I think you would do well with finding a home church, or you can look up a “family integrated” church in your area, but they’re rare. In the end, though, it’s not the church that’s important, it’s the authority of the Bible that’s important. Pray for a Godly older mentor that loves God’s Word.
Don’t get too concerned about reading the same passage over and over again. That is a VERY GOOD thing to happen to you. The Bible is incomprehensible without the “Interpreter” of the indwelt Holy Spirit, and He prompts you to dwell on certain passages. I’ve been reading along and just got this “STOP” signal. “Dwell on this.” “Selah”.
No problem with “rambling” - I feel blessed to share in your struggles.
“Pray for a Godly older mentor that loves God’s Word.”
I will. I thank you sincerely for your time and direction.