Do you not think that “you are a sinner and you are dead in your sins” sounds hostile and insulting to the outer man? Just like “you are a good person” or “your church will make sure you are a good person” SOUNDS loving, but it is guaranteed to condemn that person to hell. Psalms tells us that there is a way that seems right to a person but the end thereof is death and destruction. It seems right to be kind to the outer man, but that will be the road to his destruction. I would rather be known as the one who made people wail and gnash because I told the truth, than the one who sent my neighbors to hell while smiling broadly at them.
Look, you write in a patient and logical way, clearly explicating your beliefs. But there are many whose witness is just full of fury and ugliness. That self-righteousness accomplishes nothing except to fracture the Body of Christ and rejoice Satan. It does not persuade or convert. Remember, you are writing to a former Protestant and evangeical. I hear where you're coming from. I'm just staggered at the virulent, spitting hatred for Catholic brothers and sisters.