I think I understand that feeling. Even though I could understand and respect the decision from an intellectual standpoint, underneath it all my gut-level emotions for the first few days were still telling me that this was quitting.
Then I watched Benedict on Ash Wednesday. As I wiped my tears I had to admit a few things to myself. First, I've noticed for the past year or so that he seems to be having neurological difficulties. And on Ash Wednesday he looked much worse. So I had to admit that I've been in denial. Not wanting to acknowledge what I've observed for a long time: He's deteriorating. Quickly. I have such an affection for Benedict (won't bore you with the reasons). I just didn't want to admit to myself that we won't have him for decades as we did John Paul.
Second, I had to admit that I was still honestly disappointed. But in whom? It was easy to project my feelings onto Benedict. To see him as not fulfilling his role. But who was I to say that? Does he take direction from me? Or from the Holy Spirit? If it's the latter, then it really isn't Benedict I'm disappointed in. It's the Holy Spirit. It's God. Do you see how arrogant and judgmental I can be? To think I know what God should do in His Church? To think I know better than Benedict whether it's best to delegate his responsibilities or relinquish them altogether?
Third, I realized that if I have trusted that Benedict has followed the lead of the Holy Spirit all these years in exercising his role as Supreme Pontiff, then I have to trust that he's done so before, during, and after the announcement of his decision to step down. That's been very comforting to me.
I don't know if my experience is similar to yours in any way. I just thought I'd share with you the way I came to terms with the announcement. And tell you that you aren't alone in your reaction of disappointment. I hope you stay in the Church. I will pray for you :) Please pray for me too! May the Holy Spirit give you His comfort and His peace.
Very well said!