Posted on 12/20/2012 12:32:16 PM PST by truthczar2000
Recently, I posted a thread on what I consider to be at least one of the causes of Adam Lanza's state of mind when he went into Sandy hills School and killed little children. My suggestion was that the lack of a father living with his mother had at least a small part to play in his state of mind.
Needless to say, several people were angry at the mere suggestion that children growing up without fathers might play a role in the anger issues young men face today. Fair enough. No one can say that the mental issues Adam Lanza was dealing with (or not dealing with) were solely the result of anyone's failure outside of his own.
I understand the anger many people feel about what happened. I understand people's conclusion that Adam Lanza was "pure evil". I also understand the tendency of people to bristle when someone suggests that the lifestyle they maintain might not be ideal.
My heart goes out to divorced people. I understand that some people's circumstances will not allow them to save their marriages. But I believe in God's original plan, according to the Bible. That plan is for one man to marry one woman for one lifetime. Regardless of how many people miss that mark, it still remains the standard to which men and women should strive.
I have been marries to the same woman for 30 years now. We got married young under less-than-ideal circumstances. But we worked together to build a family. We have two well adjusted daughters who both have maintained a moral lifestyle. I believe the stability both I and my wife modeled for them has helped.
Too many people fall short of God's ideal plan for whatever reason, then justify their failure by blaming others. This is true of marriage as well. I know many men retreat into substance abuse. I know many men resort to violence against their spouses. I know many women neglect their homes and their children in the name of being "liberated".
But who suffers through all this? The children, that's who! As a youth pastor, I saw many young men and women dealing with anger, insecurity and abandonment issues because they were living with only one parent, usually the mother. That is not to say that I didn't see children in two-parent households who had issues. But they generally didn't have the same kinds of issues, and I can say without reservation that the kids living in single parent situations had far more issues than their peers.
The Bible says that a child left to himself will bring shame to his parents. When one parent leaves the home by choice, I see that as leaving a child to himself.
There is no honest data to show that a child is better off without a father living at home working to raise him or her with his wife. I know feminism has continually drilled into women's heads that they don't need men around. But the way our society is headed, based upon honest data, points to a different conclusion.
Besides, this is God's ideal plan. I know people fall short of it for a variety of reasons, and many people will not like hearing that they have fallen short. But rather than wallowing in guilt, or wanting to shoot the messenger, would it not be better to seek the face of God and allow Him to restore your families?
I have seen God work amazing miracles in families (mine included), so I believe with all my heart that following His plan will lead to a strong marriage and an abundant family life.
I agree, and the great psychiatrist Eric Berne agreed even more. He postulated a formula for the formation of a successful person:
Parent of opposite gender tells you what to do/be; parent of same gender shows you how.
The government views such as PARIAHS and THE ENEMY to be forced out of the home at all costs. In the Western world, upon birth (and before), women are granted "custodial" and supreme authority over any and all children. This is the problem with thinking that a pregnancy is simply a "part" of the woman's body in which she has ultimate authority over: it filters down to post natal as well: (see http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/05/17/does-your-wife-or-ex-wife-have-a-golden-uterus-complex-15-characteristics-of-the-golden-uterus/)
Schools, churches, daycares, government agencies, especially in BLUE states will tell you that dad has ZERO rights; his only job is to pay matriarchy aka "child" support. They have government agencies to enforce this that get matching fed kickbacks for the greatest amount of "child" support mandated and collected (search: Title IV-D)
There is no such government agency as "Equal/Shared Parenting Enforcement Agency." Today ALL correction of children is equated with ABUSE. Mom is free to trash dad in front of the children and block dad's visitation at will; especially if said dad has DARED to move on after he is dumped.
Most divorce filings are filed by MOM not dad. Soon dad has run out of the tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees that he needs to protect his basic parental rights and eventually gives up in hopelessness.
Now mom is free to coddle her child(ren) yet inappropriately give them what I call "A.S.S." (adult spousal status). Junior has the same rights as an adult spouse would in his "single mom" home, making choices as to where they will live, what groceries they will buy and often privy to adult conversation as Junior becomes mommy's "shoulder to cry on." Junior likes his "adult" status and when dad tries to institute normal parent/child relationship on his time, providing he is "allowed" it by mom, he is rebuked by both Junior AND mom. Child Protective Services is often called and trumped up charges against dad are launched. All discipline, boundaries and structure is removed from Junior's life.
Meanwhile mom continues to molly coddle Junior or Sally and when they become a little too unmanageable after some time, she then puts them on MEDS.
Junior/Sally get very little exercise, fresh air, non-junk food meals (mom is too frazzled and depressed to cook), or anything educational. Often fed a steady diet of "Sponge Bob" or such other garbage (have you seen kid's cartoons these days? just a bunch of bodily function noises) Add in a constant stream of video games and an extremely defensive posture by mom to enable and excuse Junior/Sally's negative behavior and VOILA! You have today's messed up, spoiled, lazy, self-absorbed, entitled, narcissistic, wimpy EMO child!
While there is sorrow and loss, the departed is remembered with loving thoughts and words; not true in a divorce where there is often much bitterness and torn loyalty.
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