How to be a Jack Mormon

The Cultural Hall Podcast ^ | June 9, 2012 | Carli

[greyfoxx39]

A Jack Mormon is someone who is Mormon, but ”trouble.”

They are somewhere in between baptism and excommunication. If they even show up to church, they’re merely in the door, not on the stand, but also not escorted out. Foyer sitters.

(That’s how I’ve heard the term used anyway.)

In order to be a successful Jack Mormon, you need to incorporate multiple items from the following list into your life:

• Swear.
• Church apparel, for men: Wear jeans and any shirt color other than white to church. No tie. Tennis shoes.
• Church apparel, for women: Wear a sleeveless top and a mini skirt. Never wear panty hose. Wear flip flops in the summer and hooker heels in the winter.
• Church apparel, for all: Wear sunglasses.
• Get a tattoo in a well-seen location.
• Both men and women should have multiple piercings.
• Men: Grow your hair long, past your earlobes.
• Dye your hair an unnatural color, such as blue, purple, pink or green.
• Bring iced tea, caffeinated soda or rum cake to the potluck.
• Quote R-rated movies, in church if you get the chance.
• Let your phone ring and ring and ring in Sacrament meeting. Answer it from the pew.
• Bring a cup of coffee to Seminary or early church meetings.
• Pop open a can of Pringles on Fast Sunday.
• Eat McDonalds in the parking lot before church. Throw the trash away in the can outside of the chapel.
• Attend church high or hung over.
• Let your kids play video games at church.
• Host a poker night, preferably on the Sabbath.
• Clap after the intermediary musical number.
• Cross-dress for the Halloween Trunk-or-Treat.
• Never address other members as brother or sister.

Are Jack Mormons a misunderstood part of Mormon culture? Or are Jack Mormons simply misinformed about what’s appropriate in Mormon culture?

[Springfield Reformer]

“Regardless, Mormons as are ALL peoples are GOD’s children and who knows whether He will welcome and accept them into His Kingdom when they pass. Do you?????”

Do you really believe “ALL peoples are GOD’s children?” I would accept that God is the Creator of all, but you are linking it to acceptance by God, and Jesus used language which strongly suggests he would not agree with your theory:

John 8:43-44 Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word. Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

Now the first question is who was Jesus addressing. They were those Jews who wanted to kill him. Yet there you have it, sons of Adam, sons of Abraham, yet Jesus calls them sons of the Devil. So no, not everyone is a child of God.

As for who will enter His kingdom, he has given us a Bible for a reason. Like CS Lewis says, nothing God does is a sham. The Bible was not put in our hands so we could ignore it, but to guide us into a relationship with him. Without that relationship, the soul is lost, doomed to wander eternity in darkness. Jesus said he did not come to save the righteous, but sinners. If anyone is a sinner, then they are lost, until they are found. As John Newton has famously said:

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me;
I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.

So the great question becomes, how does one “get found?” If Jesus and the Apostles provide an answer to that question, then any answer contradicting their teaching must be false, mustn’t it? And if someone is lost, and is following a false answer, how can they be saved?

Well, I suppose God could just forgive them for their ignorance of the truth. And if he said he would do that, I would have no problem with it, because He is God and he can do as he pleases, and he really isn’t going to care too much what you or I think about it.

But if he has already told us how it is, that those who come to him, come a certain way, and believe a certain thing, then isn’t it equally presumptuous of us to contradict him? He is God. He will do as he pleases, and no one can question his authority to do what he does.

That is why this discussion is so important, and not really Mormon-bashing at all. If the LDS leadership has openly declared they do NOT believe in the Jesus presented in the Bible, and they have so declared, and yet that Jesus, the Jesus of the Bible, has declared it is Him they must believe in to be saved, how then can they be saved? One Jesus must stand, and the other fall. They both cannot be true.

Christians are obligated to test the spirits, as Paul puts it, to use the benchmark of Scripture, with the aid of the Holy Spirit, to discern truth from falsehood. If they refuse to do so, they are disobeying Christ. As we are not interested in disobeying Christ, we must raise these questions about so-called alternative faiths. We have no desire to upset anyone, but we have accepted that the quest for truth can sometimes lead to temporary discomfort. And so we pursue it despite the discomfort, because in the end, only the truth can set a person free, and that’s what love is really all about.

[ansel12]

You’re wasting your breath.

You already knew that Harry Reid is one of the most devout, and faithful of all Mormons?

That Reid is a Temple Mormon, one of the approximately 15% of Mormons who are spiritual enough and devoted enough to enter the Holy Temples and participate in the inner circles secret activities?

You post as though you didn't know it, is that something you do to mislead people who don't know better?

[unkus]

Bye bye.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

***I had a “Jack Mormon” friend in Vietnam.***

We had a Jerk Mormon in the military. If he had been a baptist he would still have been a jerk.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

***No but I never ran across Barack Hussein Obama, either.***

If I had I would have immediately backed up, seen who it was, then ran across him again! (OK, that is from an old, old 1960s joke.) ;-)

[alloysteel]

Harry Reid? He is a Mormon?

Who knew?

Would have respected him more if he were a 32nd Degree Mason. Every expects them to be double-dealers and devil-worshipers dabbling in magic rituals.

Just ask anybody who is not into Freemasonry.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

***Fact was, he had joined LDS for purely social reasons****

Back in the 1070s I knew several teens who joined the LDS for the same reason.

[unkus]

You guys must have been REMF’s.

Grunts are not REMF’s.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

***Quote R-rated movies, in church if you get the chance.***

Mention you saw them on Pay-Per-View at the Marriott Inn!

[ansel12]

Silence Is Consent

I'll accept that as an admission that you lie to deceive on Mormon threads.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

1070s=1970s

Proofread, proofread, proofread.

[Rikki Doxx]

You just have to be in a Mormon group, know nothing about Mormonism, just go along with what they teach.

[wintertime]

Very cute!

[ansel12]

Senator Harry Reid is one of the most devout, and faithful of all Mormons.

None of us know why as a young student he became a Mormon, but judging by his commitment to his religion since then and his deep devotion to it, I think we can assume it was because he believed in Mormonism.

[unkus]

I am not a Mormon, I do not prefer Romney, I will do what I can to defeat Barack Hussein Obama, an avowed Marxist and enemy of my country.

I only see pure hate in you.

Enough.

[beandog]

Agree.

[wintertime]

secret activities
^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I bet they are on the Internet for all to see. Just my guess.

[ansel12]

No, the Temple ceremonies are not even seen by rank and file Mormons.

Ann Romney’s own mother and father were forbidden to witness her marriage.

[ansel12]

LOL, thanks for the ping.

[svcw]

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!