Replies

From the article by the top Lds, Inc. PR guy: We have a lot more to ADD
about the Son of God, and it is that ADDITIONAL
revelation that causes the real rub with some orthodox Christians. To us, however, refusing to accept further enlightenment on the mission of Jesus Christ is like a MATH teacher
telling his or her students they must stop at MULTIPLICATION TABLES.
No ALGEBRA OR CALCULUS allowed.

Oh, goodie! We have Mormon lessons that go beyond backwoods "multiplicatin' tables."

Here, all, allow me to introduce you to the first one found in Mormon "scripture" - Doctrine & Covenants 98:

"...if your enemy shall smite you the SECOND time,
and you revile not against your enemy, and bear it patiently, your reward shall be an HUNDRED-FOLD.
And again, if she shall smite you the THIRD time,
and ye bear it patiently, your reward shall be DOUBLED unto you FOUR-fold." (D&C 98:25-26)

What? "Doubled unto us four-fold?" I thought the second-smite reward was already 100-fold??...and now Joe says it'll be doubled for a third smite...well, not exactly "doubled" but "doubled four-fold."

Now. Why does this top Lds Inc. PR guy compare what Joseph Smith said to the equivalent of Algebra and Calculus in an article that has a broader context of Romney-as-president?

Why, Joseph Smith designated himself as a candidate for President of the United States (1844).
And 'twas the year he made the following statements:

* "I have sealed upon my head every key, every power, every principle of life and salvation that God has ever given to ANY man who EVER lived upon the face of the earth."
* "I have got all the truth which the Christian world possessed..."
* "If you tell them that God made the world out of something, they will call you a fool. But I am learned, and know MORE than ALL the world put together" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 350)
* "I combat the errors of ages; I meet the violence of mobs; I cope with illegal proceedings from executive authority; I cut the gordian knot of powers, and I solve mathematical problems of universities, with truth-diamond truth; and God is my 'right hand man'" (History of the Church, vol. 6, p.78).

Whoa. It's good God serves this egomaniac as His 'right-hand man.' No wonder Smith "solves mathematical problems of universities," knew more than all the world put together, etc. etc.

When it came to "addition," Smith never could stop adding pride and arrogance and hubris to his claims!

When it came to "addition," Smith never could stop adding pride and arrogance and hubris to his claims!

Surely NOT!!

JESUS: Hey Smith! Remember that boast you made about doing more than even I had done to hold the 'church' together?

JOSEPH SMITH: Where am I?

JESUS: Don't you remember? A few seconds ago you were in that jail.

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah; but where am I NOW?

JESUS: Don't you remember? Does bang - bang ring a bell?

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah - that crummy gun I had was about USELESS!

JESUS: I hope you left instructions on how to hold your church together.

JOSEPH SMITH: Dang! I knew there was SOMETHING I was forgetting!

JESUS: Looks like there's a power struggle going on down there.

JOSEPH SMITH: Yeah; there was always SOMEone who wanted the power that I held - especially over the LADIES - wink wink.

JESUS: No need to worry about that now; remember what my friend Matthew wrote down?

JOSEPH SMITH: This? “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30)

JESUS: That's it.

JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.

JESUS: Nah - it was right.

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh well; it was fun while it lasted. My buds will still get it on with the girls.

JESUS: Uh; I'm sorry; in just a few more years; your followers will cavein to the United States government and abandon the 'Eternal Covenant' that you came up with.

JOSEPH SMITH: ME!? YOU are the one that told me to do that!

JESUS: Sorry; but you must have mistranslated what I told you. What part of Do NOT commit ADULTERY did you not understand?

JOSEPH SMITH: mumble....

JESUS: What did you say?

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, nothing.

JESUS: Well; it was interesting talking to you; but now I must get back to perparing a place for those who believe in Me.

JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, yeah; the Celestial Kingdom.

JESUS: No...

JOSEPH SMITH: The Telestial one?

JESUS: Nope.

JOSEPH SMITH: SUREly not the TERRESTRIAL one!!

JESUS: Nope. Didn't you read that the mind of man had NOT conceived of it? Paul wrote it down in 1 Corinthians 2:9.

JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.

JESUS: No; it wasn't.

JOSEPH SMITH: You SURE?

JESUS: Yes. Now I must be going: what did you say your name was again?

JOSEPH SMITH: Joseph Smith.

JESUS: Hmmmm. According to my Heavenly FAITHbook, you didn't sign in as one of my friends - sorry, I never knew you.

JOSEPH SMITH: But....