Posted on 09/12/2010 10:48:03 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
Q: Our daughter has turned her back on everything we ever taught her, and it's breaking our hearts. Now she's moved in with a man who's only taking advantage of her (for example, she has a job, and he won't get one). She'll barely even talk to us. What did we do wrong? - Mrs. N.Y.
A: No parent is perfect; we all can look back and think of things we could've done to help our children be better prepared for adulthood. And sometimes it's best to admit it to them and encourage them to learn from our mistakes.
But ultimately your daughter alone is responsible for the decisions she has made. You tried to teach her the difference between right and wrong when she was younger; you did so both by your words and by your example. But now she has willfully turned her back on all this and chosen to go her own way. She isn't a puppet or robot; she has a will of her own, and she has deliberately chosen this path.
The problem is that this path will only lead to heartache, insecurity and tragedy. Satan always promises happiness - but his promises are a lie, and eventually your daughter will reap the tragic consequences of her rebellion. The Bible warns, "The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction" (Galatians 6:8).
Pray for her, that God will open her eyes and help her see she's on the wrong path in life. Also, in whatever ways you can, let her know you still love her and care what happens to her, in spite of what she's done. And remember: God loves her even more than you do, and Christ still has the power to change her.
Seems like sound advice.
If you’re Muslim you could resort to an honor killing....
Thanks for this post. I could have asked the Question...sigh.
Polly
If you raised your daughter up in the Lord she will return to Him (and you). I also believe you can claim her for the Lord in your prayers.
A lot of us have gone through this and there is a lesson to be learned for you both. I know the heartache and the heart break of some children, but for now prayer and standing firm is you best choice.
What did they teach her? Did "they" teach her? Did they assume that schools, pastors and friends would "teach" her for them?
I'm just asking rhetorically, since the deeper question that can be taken away from this is to look at what we "teach" and "how" and "how often" we "teach" our children.
there is a tide turning, that I see, where parents are taking back the fundamentals of "teaching" their own kids. I see if with D6 and other type curriculum.
Thoughts?
Saint Monica prayed for her son Augustine for years and years. She pleaded with the Lord with tears of prayer and pain. A bishop once told her that a son of so many tears could never be lost. He later converted and became a great saint and doctor of the church.
Prayer is more powerful than an atomic bomb.
someone I know went through this.... and it took 20 years for her to finally listen to God’s voice... she now wishes, with all her heart, that she had those 20 years back... I reminded her of Moses... and his 40 year “wilderness” experience.... God doesn’t count time as we do, and however long it takes for His child to return..well, that’s how long it takes... the bottom line here is that your child might be astray for years... that’s between her and God... but you can have peace that she will come back... as a parent, it is so hard to see one’s child “play in traffic”.... but, that’s part of being a parent, I guess. God bless you and your daughter...
Billy knows from his own personal experience wth his kids.
And also wait, and don’t freak out. My little sister was wild till she was 32. Now she’s settled, married, has a baby, calm as can be. Some people just have to go through a hard time till they can appreciate a good life.
My eldest boy raised hell for many years - he still has an ocassional go at it but has returned to study at 26, stopped doing drugs, has been offered a managers position once he completes his study, has a fiance, I am just waiting for him to go back to church and I know he will cause he knows God is waiting for him to go back to church.
People in churches love to look down their noses at the parents of these sorts of kids but I know I did all within my power, including prayer on my knees for my kids. I took Youth Group for 5 years and agonized over the souls of those youth, I preached at church and much more and lived the Gospel as well as I could. Some take a round about route to God. Now is not the time to panick or feel like a failure. Just believe!
Mel
Your adult children are just that, adults.
Thanks SeekAndFind. I needed this advice today.
(Polly - Sounds like we are in the same boat on this one.)
A really good piece of advice for all of us less than perfect parents.
Going through this with one of my daughters, too, so you’re definitely not alone. Navy life is not a good influence. She was raised right. We talked about the important dangerous issues as they were growing up and still she dabbles like she has to find out for herself. She is a Christian and still believes. I keep praying that God will draw her back before she gets hurt too badly. It’s hard watching in the meantime.
A bit presumptuous, that. If God loves everyone sooooo much, why does He sit on His thumbs and do nothing? My daughter is in a similar situation. I have prayed, my wife prays, her sister prays.....and the result?
Nothing.
Oh, yes, she has free will.....so does He. He has chosen NOT to respond.
So, if there's a way to get His attention.....my daughter needs it.
The only way I can look at is that His ways are not our ways. While I don’t understand why things like this are allowed to go on and on (to my mind) I accept that there may be a reason for it happening. My daughter hasn’t hardened her heart towards God and I pray that yours hasn’t either, as there is at least more hope in that circumstance. Sometimes it takes years for certain people to return to God and right living despite the ongoing prayers of many. Who knows? Our prayers, yours and mine, may be what’s protecting them from something even worse right now.
The best answer is to not have kids in the first place. If you already do...well...PANIC!
Their fate is now random. God will do nothing to redirect them.
RE: God will do nothing to redirect them.
Did God tell you this? Or are you speaking for God?
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