Letter read by EWTN's Fr. Francis Mary (asking for your prayers)

WI Catholic Musings ^ | November 2, 2007

[NYer]

Dear Family Regretfully, I have a message that does not come without significant pain to both you and me. I have to tell you in all honesty and truth, that I have been personally involved with helping a widow and her struggling family. Over the course of time, the mother and I have grown very close. As a result, I am compelled to take some time off to prayerfully and honestly discern my future. I am truly sorry of the impact this may have on so many. I am not unaware of the gravity and magnitude of the situation, yet after much wise counsel, it is really something that I must deal with now for the good of all. With that said, it is best that I deal with it away from EWTN. Therefore, I have asked for and graciously been granted some extended time to prayerfully discern my vocation. To those who are part of the EWTN family locally, and others throughout the world, especially all those who have supported me so faithfully in my priestly vocation and ministry here on Life on the Rock, I sincerely apologize. I ask for your prayers and understanding during this time that is so very difficult, but yet so very necessary. Please lift me up in your humble prayers to Jesus through Mary, our Mother, in Grace and Mercy. Fr Francis Mary, MFVA

Fr Anthony Mary then said "Brothers and Sisters of our EWTN family, this is a time in which Fr Francis and all involved are in great need of your prayers and your support as our family. Always remember that no one is beyond the power of God's Mercy or Redemption. And on Fr's behalf, I humbly ask that you pray for him. God bless you."

[NYer]

Please remember Fr. Francis Mary in your prayers.

[NYer]

From Thomas Peters at American Papist blog.

---

As many of you have heard, Fr. Francis Mary Stone, the host of EWTN's popular Life on the Rock TV program was supposed to host a segment last Thursday on the topic of Campion College in Sydney as well as Australia's upcoming World Youth Day.

Instead, I'm told that this letter was read by a substitute:

Dear Family,

Regretfully, I have a message that does not come without significant pain to both you and me. I have to tell you in all honesty and truth, that I have been personally involved with helping a widow and her struggling family. Over the course of time, the mother and I have grown very close. As a result, I am compelled to take some time off to prayerfully and honestly discern my future.

I am truly sorry of the impact this may have on so many. I am not unaware of the gravity and magnitude of the situation, yet after much wise counsel, it is really something that I must deal with now for the good of all.

With that said, it is best that I deal with it away from EWTN. Therefore, I have asked for and graciously been granted some extended time to prayerfully discern my vocation.

To those who are part of the EWTN family locally, and others throughout the world, especially all those who have supported me so faithfully in my priestly vocation and ministry here on Life on the Rock, I sincerely apologize. I ask for your prayers and understanding during this time that is so very difficult, but yet so very necessary.

Please lift me up in your humble prayers to Jesus through Mary, our Mother, in Grace and Mercy.

Fr Francis Mary, MFVA [I have verified the text personally. - AmP]

I would join others who have been calling for prayers on behalf of Fr. Francis Mary. We should also remember in our prayers the fact that he is in a very grave situation.

Needless to say, Fr. Francis Mary's letter has caused a great deal of grief to his viewers, and I think it's important to allay some of the fears I've seen people express.

I'm not sure how EWTN has gone about addressing this situation, but I would say that in cases of public scandal like this it is important for EWTN to take Fr. Francis Mary's decision as a teaching opportunity. Cases of laicization are not unheard of, and in all of our learning from priests we must distinguish their authentic teaching (which rests upon the Rock of Christ) from the particular teacher (who sadly does not always perfectly participate in the grace of Christ the Teacher).

That said, this turn of affairs is very public, and EWTN should take care that its viewers are not scandalized beyond what is already a sad (but not irredeemable) situation. From all I've seen been able to determine thus far, it seems that EWTN has decided to purge most references to Fr. Francis Mary from their website and recurring video spots. I even had to go to a 3rd-party website to find his picture.

Catholics should feel no embarrassment in this situation, and EWTN should give the full truth of the matter to the viewers that come to it for exactly that. While we are all saddened when a prominent Catholic figure missteps, none of us should be surprised by temptation. Some thoughtful editorializing would be entirely proper and pastoral in an upcoming Life on the Rock episode. (I should note that since I don't regularly watch the show I don't have a sure way of knowing that this response hasn't in fact already been done or is planned.) I realize that it can be difficult to handle situations such as this one, but the primary concern should be the care of souls, not the reputation of the network, etc. I've read through quite a few message boards and comment threads to find that a great number of people have been disappointed by this news, and at the same time there seems to be scant little that EWTN has done to provide context and reconciliation. I trust that EWTN viewers will be given something more than Fr. Francis Mary's statement? Maybe some sort of notice over at the Life on the Rock webpage?

[update: scroll down this post to read my comments on the LOTR segment now that I've heard the audio.]

And I would also hope that discussion of this situation in general does not generate into finger-pointing (at Fr. Francis Mary, the widow, EWTN, his brother friars, etc). Prayers are primary here, and no one knows the full details of the situation. I'm just concerned that the general principles that apply in such matters are expressed forthrightly by those who have previously worked with him.

If anyone has youtubed last week's Life on the Rock segment, I'd be much obliged....

Update: For whatever reason (the Internet gods are fickle), this post is getting a huge influx of visitors from search engines and blog crawlers. Welcome to the new readers. Let's keep the discussions exemplary.

Update 2: The EWTN website allows you to watch the most recent Life on the Rock episode in RealPlayer video format here. As of Sunday night (11/4), I couldn't get that link to work. I hope the problem is merely technical.

The mp3 of the show, however, is still available here (large file). My summary and comments:

The substitute, Fr. Anthony Mary, does make a note before reading the letter that it is "difficult for him, and may not be appropriate for younger viewers." He asks that parents be attentive to what their children are hearing and then proceeds to read the letter. (I wonder what kinds of parent-child conversations ensued?)

After reading the letter, Fr. Anthony Mary addresses the EWTN audience and says that this is a time when all involved are in great need of prayers and support. Always remember, Fr. Anthony Mary says, that no one is beyond the power of God's mercy or redemption. They ask for prayers one again, then go to a break (in which the lengthy advertisement is ironically a priest giving his personal vocation testimony and talking about his desire to be a priest until the day he dies, etc.) and then resume the show.

Interestingly, the substitute anchor begins by adding that "evil and sin do not have the last word - there's always hope" referring to Fr. Francis Mary's plight, which, to my mind, is a much more negative evalation of the circumstances than most commenters are generally giving it. There might be something to consider here.

[dandelion]

I will indeed remember Fr. Francis Mary in prayer. He has taken his vocation as Father seriously. Now he is being honest with all regarding his calling to another ministry - that of husband and father to this widow’s family.

Surely the vocation of father and husband is a calling as holy as is any other in God’s ordination; but it is a serious decision indeed, especially in light of this hurting world’s need for good priests...

I lift them all up in prayer, the widow, the children, the church, and most of all Fr. Francis Mary. May he be led by the Holy Spirit to his true vocation, and be blessed.

[wideawake]

He has taken his vocation as Father seriously.

No, what he has done is violate an extremely sacred trust and placed his soul and the soul of the widow he speaks of in great peril.

I pray for them both and I hope the best for them both - but please don't put any lipstick on a pig.

This is scandalous and wrong.

[twin2]

Lifting prayers for all involved in this case. These things are never easy or quite what it seems on the surface.

My cousin left the priesthood under similar circumstances and it caused much conflict and pain.

I really enjoy Life on the Rock and Fr. Francis Mary, I pray he finds the right path.

[twin2]

I have to agree with you here. Sacred vows of the priesthood should not be taken lightly.

St. Faustina spoke of seeing many souls of priests in hell because they could not honor their vows. (I need to go back and find that link in another FR thread).

[Aquinasfan]

He always seemed a bit “unsettled” to me. His wisecracks about the friar who helps him out on “Life on the Rock” were often too pointed. Anyway, he’s human, and I wish him the best.

[wideawake]

Sacred vows of the priesthood should not be taken lightly.

Thank you. We don't say of a husband and father who leaves his family and takes up with a widow and her children that he is a good husband and that he is living his vocation.

We acknowledge that he is an adulterer because he broke his solemn vow before God and man to live chastely according to his vocation.

There is no reason why a priest should be praised on breaking his solemn vow before God and man to live chastely according to his vocation, while we blame the adulterer simultaneously.

It is normally considered a grave breach of professional conduct for a counselor to engage in a romantic relationship with a vulnerable and emotionally needy person - like a widow - whom he is supposed to be assisting.

And in this case we have a man who holds himself up as an example and teacher to the EWTN community.

Pretending this is no big deal or somehow OK or justified makes Catholics look like stupid hypocrites: not exactly the witness we are supposed to be presenting to the world.

[Tax-chick]

Excellent summary. Where were his superiors, I wonder, while he was entertaining temptation with a needy single woman?

[dandelion]

Please don’t get me wrong - let me clarify; he has taken his vocation as Father seriously up to this point, certainly through his ministry at “Life on the Rock”. Those who have felt the Spirit were not mistaken, for God will work his perfection even in we who are imperfect, and his Priests are no exception. To my knowledge, Fr. Francis Mary has brought his troubles to his flock not out of shame, but in a genuine request for prayer in face of difficult choices. Has he sinned against God in this, to be faced with choices, or ask for the prayers of the people? Even if we count his desire for the widow as sin, is it sin if does Fr. Francis Mary does not act upon that desire, but instead asks for the prayers of his flock?

If he has not yet sinned in the eyes of God, then is there shame in his call for prayer?

To discount the past work of God in the face of man’s present trouble is a sin as well. We must lift all up in prayer, and call upon God.

[dandelion]

Actually, that is my question - has he been found to be in a “romantic relationship” already? It makes a big difference if he is already physically involved...

But to merely ask for prayer and to remove oneself from the situation is not sinful as far as I know.

[Salvation]

Prayers for his discernment. May he keep God Almighty and God’s will forever in his sight and heart.

[wideawake]

Actually, that is my question - has he been found to be in a “romantic relationship” already? It makes a big difference if he is already physically involved...

Who knows? My gut tells me that if EWTN is erasing any evidence he ever existed from their website and if he is using euphemisms like "grown close" in his letter it indicates that he's already done something pretty serious.

Were he simply exchanging love notes and sidelong glances his ministry and his career would likely not have come to this pass.

As NYer pointed out, an EWTN anchor referred to his situation as one of "evil and sin."

But to merely ask for prayer and to remove oneself from the situation is not sinful as far as I know.

He has given no indication that he is removing himself from the situation - what he is doing is removing himself from sacerdotal ministry for the time being.

There is no shame in asking for prayers - every single one of us sinners needs them and should never hesitate to ask for them. He certainly has mine.

[Running On Empty]

There’s no good served by complicating a problem like this one. There is only the one effective solution: as soon as the possibility of a “situation” manifests itself, one walks away from it. That simple but necessary step preserves and honors the vows taken.

If taking the simple step of walking away from temptation is necessary to preserve marriage vows, it’s also just as necessary to preserve religious vows.

BTW, the care of widows and orphans is a responsibility better served by lay people. Our Lord said as much.

[Salvation]

**If he has not yet sinned in the eyes of God**

Only God knows.

“If a man looks on a woman with lust”

I forget the rest of the Biblical quote.

[wideawake]

You know it's interesting - in The Spiritual Combat, the famous ascetic treatise written by Dom Scupoli - Scupoli writes that one of the best ways to strengthen the soul against temptation is to test the soul's resolve with mental images: that the sinner attempting to avoid gluttony imagine rich foods, for example and steel his mind against temptation by contemplating the objects of temptation and thinking about how fleeting and inconsequential the pleasure derived from them is.

However, he says that the one iron exception to this practice is sexual temptation - that the only way to beat it is to never think about or dwell on it but busy one's self with other pressing tasks and responsibilities.

He was wise.

[dandelion]

Thank you for the insight. I suppose I come from a more innocent perspective, where a man might actually come for healing and prayer from the “temptation” side of the equation, rather than the “sin” side...

There is my great folly; I still believe that a man may do what is right, even in the face of temptation. Am I truly the most ridiculous of all women to believe such a thing? Is it even possible? Or is it to be counted among God’s rare miracles that one could find the strength to approach our spouses, our churches, our families, and together beat back the demons of lust and heartache before they strike?

How much more holy it would be - before temptation becomes sin - for priests, husbands, wives to go those to whom they have vowed fidelity, and ask for prayer!

[trisham]

Prayers for Fr Francis Mary.

[wideawake]

I still believe that a man may do what is right, even in the face of temptation.

Of course he can.

I'm a man, and I have faced temptation against my marriage vows - and the only solution for a married man is to simply excuse oneself from a conversation or a party or a gathering and head home immediately to be with his wife and kids or head to the nearest phone to talk with them. And saying a quick prayer doesn't hurt either.

If you sit around with the temptation thinking that you can deal with it on your own, you're not thinking. Only grace can help you avoid evil - your own willpower certainly can't.

Just nip it in the bud.

I'd rather have something think I'm rude and paranoid than hurt my wife or my kids.

And priests are trained in the ministry for these kinds of situations. When someone is in danger of crossing a line, they are trained to find a new counselor or helper for that person.