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then I have doomed myself to outer darkness, sinces I have partaken of "sacred covenants."

You haven't doomed yourself to eternal outer darkness. You are a good person who doesn't agree with the LDS church doctrine. You have raised 5 children whom you dearly love, you do have a relationship with Jesus Christ, and turned towards him again. I can't see an unjust God who would cast you into outer darkness. Another description would be to describe the denizens of "outer darkness" as those who have made a conscious and specific choice to rebel against God. You are not rebelling against God, you are trying your best to figure out who Christ is.

I've always been taught that those who will be in outer darkness (the permanent one) are the sons of perdition, those who have seen God the Father or Jesus Christ, and then denied that knowledge. Cain would be an example. Satan is an example. The third of the host in heaven who followed Satan and won't bodies will be in outer darkness. If Moses had denied seeing God on Mount Sinai, he would be in outer darkness. Joseph Smith would be in outer darkness if he denied seeing God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ.

Here is the official word from lds.orgHell

Latter-day revelation speaks of hell in at least two senses. First, it is the temporary abode in the spirit world for those who were disobedient in mortality. In this sense, hell has an end. The spirits there will be taught the gospel, and sometime following their repentance they will be resurrected to a degree of glory of which they are worthy. Those who will not repent, but are nevertheless not sons of perdition, will remain in hell throughout the Millennium. After these thousand years of torment, they will be resurrected to a telestial glory (D&C 76: 81-86; 88: 100-101).
Second, it is the permanent location of those who are not redeemed by the atonement of Jesus Christ. In this sense, hell is permanent. It is for those who are found “filthy still” (D&C 88: 35, 102). This is the place where Satan, his angels, and the sons of perdition—those who have denied the Son after the Father has revealed him—will dwell eternally (D&C 76: 43-46).
The scriptures sometimes refer to hell as outer darkness. David’s soul shall not be left in hell, Ps. 16: 10 (Ps. 86: 13). Go into hell, into that fire that never shall be quenched, Mark 9: 43 (Mosiah 2: 38). The rich man in hell lifts up his eyes, being in torment, Luke 16: 22-23 (D&C 104: 18). Death and hell delivered up the dead, Rev. 20: 13. There is a place prepared, yea, even that awful hell, 1 Ne. 15: 35. The will of the flesh giveth the spirit of the devil power to bring us down to hell, 2 Ne. 2: 29. Christ prepared the way for our deliverance from death and hell, 2 Ne. 9: 10-12. Those who remain filthy go into everlasting torment, 2 Ne. 9: 16. The devil cheateth their souls and leadeth them away carefully down to hell, 2 Ne. 28: 21. Jesus hath redeemed my soul from hell, 2 Ne. 33: 6. Loose yourselves from the pains of hell, Jacob 3: 11. To be taken captive by the devil and led by his will to destruction are the chains of hell, Alma 12: 11. The wicked are cast into outer darkness until the time of their resurrection, Alma 40: 13-14. The filthy would be more miserable to dwell with God than to dwell in hell, Morm. 9: 4. The punishment which is given from my hand is endless punishment, D&C 19: 10-12. Hell is a place prepared for the devil and his angels, D&C 29: 37-38. Those who acknowledge God are delivered from death and the chains of hell, D&C 138: 23.

Also from lds.org Sons of perdition:

The followers of Satan who will suffer with him in eternity. Sons of perdition include1 those who followed Satan and were cast out of heaven for rebellion during premortality, and2 those who were permitted to be born to this world with physical bodies but then served Satan and turned utterly against God. Those in this second group will be resurrected from the dead but will not be redeemed from the second (spiritual) death and cannot dwell in a kingdom of glory (D&C 88: 32, 35).
None of them is lost but the son of perdition, John 17: 12. It is impossible to renew them again unto repentance, Heb. 6: 4-6 (Heb. 10: 26-29). Mercy hath no claim on that man and his final doom is never-ending torment, Mosiah 2: 36-39. He is as though there was no redemption made, Mosiah 16: 5. Those who deny Christ’s miracles to get gain shall become like the son of perdition, 3 Ne. 29: 7. They will receive no forgiveness in this world or the next, D&C 76: 30-34 (D&C 84: 41; 132: 27). They are the only ones who will not be redeemed from the second death, D&C 76: 34-48. Sons of perdition deny the Holy Spirit after receiving it, D&C 76: 35. Sons of perdition deny the Son after the Father has revealed him, D&C 76: 43. Cain shall be called Perdition, Moses 5: 22-26.

And more from lds.org Unpardonable Sin:

The sin of denying the Holy Ghost, a sin that cannot be forgiven.
Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men, Matt. 12: 31-32 (Mark 3: 29; Luke 12: 10). It is impossible for those who were made partakers of the Holy Ghost to renew them again unto repentance, Heb. 6: 4-6. If we sin wilfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, Heb. 10: 26. If ye deny the Holy Ghost and know that ye deny it, this is a sin which is unpardonable, Alma 39: 5-6 (Jacob 7: 19). They have no forgiveness, having denied the Only Begotten Son, having crucified him unto themselves, D&C 76: 30-35. The blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven, which is shedding innocent blood after ye have received my new and everlasting covenant, D&C 132: 26-27.

Finally, the Lord told Joseph Smith that He never fully reveals to men the punishments of outer darkness, but only brief visions thereof. Consider the wording of this revelation as compared to that used by Jesus in the apocryphal Gospel of Bartholomew:

And the end thereof, neither the place therof, nor their torment, no man knows; Neither was it revealed, neither is, neither will be revealed unto man, except to them who are made partakers thereof; Nevertheless, I, the Lord, show it by vision unto many, but straightway shut it up again; Wherefore, the end, the width, the height, the depth, and the misery thereof, they understand not, neither any man except those who are ordained unto this condemnation.
... and the earth was rolled up like a volume of a book and the deep [hell] was revealed unto them. And when the apostles saw it, they fell on their faces upon the earth. But Jesus raised them up, saying: Said I not unto you, "It is not good for you to see the deep". And again he beckoned unto the angels, and the deep was covered up.