Replies

Mormons often exhibit a common type of denial. Blame the one who left. Blame them for a lack of faith, blame them because they must be weak, blame them because they must have taken an offense at some small slight.

Those who leave are always blamed. Here is what they are saying right now over on the exmormon chat board.

Subject: The “C” (cult) word is what pushed me out the door.
Date: Jul 13 18:33
Author: julecakes
Mail Address:

My husband didn’t want to go anymore. He was telling me about all of the problems with the history of the church but I didn’t want to listen to it. When he quit going people from TSCC started freaking out. I felt OK with him not going because he was under a lot of stress and when he stopped going, he was happy. But I was surprised at how everyone else acted. Everyone was calling everyone else and gossiping about how bad they felt for me. A gal (in her 30’s with young children) with terminal cancer called another gal and said she was so worried about me. How ridiculous is that?

Then I was watching program on cable about Heaven’s Gate cult and there was a guy who was a “cult expert” that had written a book that sounded interesting. I went to his website and he listed the top ten cults and the mormons were on there. I was a bit surprised, so I researched the description of a cult, and yep, TSCC fit the profile. The biggest one was not letting the members leave. Even decent people are “programed” to do everything they can to not let anyone leave. It’s just wrong.

Subject: Cult Word was a hard pill to swallow
Date: Jul 13 18:41
Author: sfex
Mail Address:

I am quite new to this BB also, but to respond to the “C” word, when it hit me that the LDS Church really DID fit that definition, it was a shock, and I have been working through the emotions of finally resigning. I will let all of you know when I finally get my “official” letter that our names have been removed, and perhaps add a few little experiences of my life as a Mormon.

Subject: The first time I referred to the church as a cult
Date: Jul 13 18:47
Author: en passant
Mail Address:

The first time I referred to the church as a cult was almost thirty years ago. I was working then as a professional church musician in a UCC church in a university neighborhood. The church was attended mostly by academic types—profs and their families.

UCC has a reputation as being a church with somewhat of liberal outlook, and this particular congregation was really diverse with people from a variety of different backgrounds.

One evening at choir practice some of us were chatting about how we came to associate ourselves with this particular congregation. I stated matter-of-factly, “I grew up in a cult.” This was nothing I had formed a conscious conclusion about, and I think at the time it surprised me as much as it surprised the others.

Of course I had to explain, but I think its greater significance was in the way I blurted it out without thinking. Somehow in my discontent with my morg background it seemed like my brain figured it out and labeled it without deliberation.

That’s silly of course, and the comment no doubt was a product of my subconscious deliberation process, factoring into consideration a number of elements whether I was fully aware of it or not. I’ve thought about it many times since then and it always amuses me at how accurate the comment turned out to be.

Subject: I used the “c” word when my sister left for college
Date: Jul 13 18:56
Author: SkyChild
Mail Address:

at BYU Idaho. I was still a semi-TBM at the time, but when she started describing all of the rules and regulations they are forced to follow there it came as kind of a shock to me. I told my friends my sister was going to live in a cult. It took me a little while longer to figure out it wasn’t just the Y that was cultish—it was the whole dang thing.

Subject: Re: A note on the ‘c’ word . . . (a little long)
Date: Jul 13 19:12
Author: Julie
Mail Address:

I do believe the church is a cult, despite it’s pretty benign looking surface image.

But I am afraid to tell people that I was “raised in a cult” because I’m worried the people I tell will turn out to be those misguided uninformed souls who believe that the church is like any other mainstream Christian faith. They may look at me like I’m looney, say “that church isn’t a cult!” or worse say “hey, how can you say that, my sister’s family is mormon and theyre perfectly nice normal people...”

As for how to deal with it, the only thing I’ve found works is distancing myself. The people left inside generally don’t change, no matter what you say to them. Sometimes people come out of their own accord, and THEN you can get together and compare notes and support each other. But until then...it is rather non-productive to try to deconvert anyone, and often has the opposite effect of making them cling even tighter to the cult they’re so mentally/emotionally dependent on.

Sad stuff, really. You can only live your life, be polite and non-combative, hope that they eventually have their own epiphanies and come to join you out in the fresh air.