And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
A man is walking down the street. Approaching him is what appears to be a pirate. Three day old beard, parrot on his shoulder, eye patch, full pirate garb. The only thing unusual about him is a tiny little ships steering wheel on the front of his trousers.
The man looks at the pirate and says "I can see that you're a pirate by your outfit, but the only thing I don't understand is the tiny little steering wheel on the front of your trousers. What's that for?"
The pirate replies "AAaaaaarrrrggghhh....it drives me nuts!"
Ok here's my submission:
A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am but was caught by the Chief Petty Officer. Upon hearing the sailor's lame excuse for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!
The sailor picked up the broom, as he began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the gull off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. It left, only to return and land once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he could only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted gull returned. When morning came, the chief petty officer returned to check his wayward sailor's progress.
"What have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?"
"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"