[NYer]

Jeff Miller, at The Splendor of Truth blog, intones his own contributions.

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Heretical Hymns

Victor Lams posts about infiltrating the liturgical complex by writing outlandishly heretical hymns that will be snapped up by music publishers and then slowly trying to introduce real music. He has some very funny possible hymn titles of which I have put the words to one of them:

I Am The Resurrection Muffin

For the poor, the sad the downtrodden
Look to me the Resurrection Muffin
No half-baked theology for you or me
I am fully cooked plainly you can see

Chorus:
Repent deeply of all your sins
Look deeply upon the Resurrection Muffin
Your salvation now has truly began
available in Banana Nut or Healthy Oat Bran

Diversity in liturgy is no problem for me
Yummy Chocolate Chip and also Blueberry
I am the true paschal pastry
Eat of me and you will be set free

Chorus:

All the best liturgists fully approve of me
Chocked full of nuts like their liturgies
Pop me right out of that muffin tin
Enjoy the life of the muffin within

Chorus:

And here is another offering sung to Here I am Lord, and if you don't know the music that goes along with it - then count your blessings.

Here I am, Bored

Masses with guitar licks.
Heretical insipid fare.
Let me listen to you.
Fill me with despair.

Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.

This song is everlasting.
Pop music of I tire.
A total tonal bleakness.
Couldn't you all just retire?

Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.

Lyrics that are just plain dumb.
Hear my cry for help.
Hear me using these three words,
Gregorian Chant Now!
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.
Here I am, bored.
Here I am.
Music that is a disservice, here I am.

[Charles Henrickson]

Then there is the even worse "contemporary worship," which inspired me to pen these parodies:

AWFUL SONG
Tune: "Awesome God"

Our song is an awful song,
It's filled with empty fluff--
Of Christ, not near enough--
Our song is an awful song.

SHAME, CHURCHES, SHAME
Tune: "Shine, Jesus, Shine"

Shame, churches, shame,
For this brand of "creative worship."
Lame, music, lame--
That's what you admire.
Spine, churches, spine--
Blending in isn't so "courageous."
Check out your roots,
Church, and sing some real hymns.

[theFIRMbss]

>I Am The Resurrection Muffin

I was standing down in Jerusalem town one day
I was standing down in Jerusalem town one day
I was standing down in Jerusalem town one day
Singing I am the way

I can walk on the water, I can raise the dead
I can walk on the water, I can raise the dead
I can walk on the water, I can raise the dead
It's easy – I am the way

Don't tell nobody I kissed Magdalene
Don't tell nobody I kissed Magdalene
Don't tell nobody I kissed Magdalene
I said, “Mary, it's OK, I am the way”

Every son of god gets a little hard luck sometime
Every son of god gets a little hard luck sometime
Every son of god gets a little hard luck sometime
Especially when he goes around saying he's the way

I am the way
I am the way
I am the way

I am the way

[Quix]

Has the staff of the Wittenberg Door been let out of their assylum?

Sigh.

[Fury]

Thank you for posting this.

I've tried so very hard to focus and indeed, concentrate during Mass when songs like 'Here I am, Lord" are sung.

I can't do it. To me, when this music is sung/played, the service transitions from an event of such great import - to music that ends up becoming a distraction - with music that does not seem (to me) to be uplifting and flowing with the rest of the Mass.

I am much more able to focus on the Mass and what it stands for when the music is more consistent with the Mass. I really try to attend Mass where this is practiced.

[TaxachusettsMan]

Don't forget those great traditional Catholic hymns either!

From Saint Gregory's Hymnal in honor of Saint Cecilia:

LET THE DEEP ORGAN SWELL THE LAY

And for the Feast of the Visitation:

WITHER THUS IN HOLY RAPTURE, MAIDEN MOTHER, ART THOU BENT?

And it's obvious why they changed Father Faber's original words to O COME AND MOURN WITH ME AWHILE:

Have we no tears to shed for Him
Whom soldiers scoff and Jews deride?

On the other hand, THE CLOUDS HANG THICK O'ER ISRAEL'S CAMP has these classics that maybe we SHOULD bring back:

See o'er Lepanto's waters spread
The Moslems' dark array!
A voice to Christendom went forth
And gave the word to pray!
Jesus! Mary! Names of strength
Invoked and not in vain:
They conquered in our hour of need
And conquer shall again!

The weapon that our Father gave
Each hand shall fearless wield:
Who bears Our Lady's Rosary
Need neither sword nor shield:
With dauntless faith the ranks they face
Of error and of sin
And, armed with those blest beads alone,
The victory they win.

As Pius* then to Europe spake
So Leo** speaks once more:
The Rosary our weapon still
To wield in Holy War:
Ave Maria! From each tongue
Shall rise the pleading word:
O doubt not that the prayer of faith
Shall now as then be heard.

Here's hoping! Interesting that when Saint Pius V called on Catholics to pray the Rosary, it wasn't for peace with the Muslims but for victory over them (peace would inevitably follow . . . as Rush would say! :-))

* Pope St Pius V
** Pope Leo XIII (when the hymn was written)

[Maeve]

Dreams of banning are nice. Some of us just ran to the Eastern Catholic Churches to escape the noise. But since I am the bread of life will continue to be sung and sung and sung ad nauseum, let's at least tweak the text into something more appropriate:

Thou art the Bread of Life.
All who come to thee shall not hunger.
All who believe in thee shall not thirst.
Yet none may come to thee unless the Father draw them.

Refrain: And thou shalt raise us up,
And thou shalt raise us up,
And thou shalt raise us up on the last day.

It is just a suggestion...