[SATIRE] Man's prophetic actions offer lifestyle of fun [SATIRE]

GARDEN GROVE, Calif. - In May, Alan Barrett, 26, began performing prophetic acts to send messages from God to the church.

"My calling is like Ezekiel and Jeremiah's," he says, referring to prophets who acted out messages from God.

But Barrett's prophetic acts have afforded him a lifestyle of leisure, friends say. For example, he went to Disneyland "as a prophetic act to communicate that the church is living in a fantasy world," he said. While there, he interceded for the church on Peter Pan, Splash Mountain and various other rides.

He convinced his parents, with whom he still lives, to pay for a cruise to Mexico to indicate that "the church is adrift and must chart a godly course." Back home Alan sits around his parents' house to indicate that the church is uninspired and lazy. He often drinks Starbucks Frappuccinos as a prophetic statement that God has "a sweet future" for the church, if people will repent. He goes to bed early as a prophetic act to say that "Christians are asleep on the job" of winning the lost.

For breakfast he demands that his mother buy him Lucky Charms, so he can warn the church that "many of their sermons are sugar-coated fluff," he says. He shares his prophetic insights during testimony time at church.

Alan's father says his son has "an unusually pleasant mission," and that he should get a job as a prophetic act that the church "must work harder and start paying its own bills."

THIS IS SATIRE. HUMOR.

You all remember "laughing" - that thing that you used to do, in response to watching "Gilligan's Island", before you became a Christian? Laughter is what your pastor is trying to provoke in you, when he tells those bad jokes at the beginning of his sermon. Right before "putting His enemies under his feet" (Psalm 110), IMO "getting Christians to laugh" must be the second-to-the-last thing that Christ will accomplish before the Second Coming.

In Ecclesiasties 2:2, the author complains that laughter is "madness", asking "what does it accomplish?" Psalm 2:4 tells us that God, in heaven, laughs and scoffs at the kings of this earth "in derision". Psalm 37:13 says the Lord laughs at the wicked, for "their day is coming". But for the faithful, Genesis 21:6 tells us that laughter is an appropriate response to God's blessings, Job 8:21 promises laughter for those afflicted by Satan, and Psalm 126:2 says laughter is a sign to unbelieving nations that God has done great things for us. As Christians, we should learn to laugh more.

That said, why do I include all these warnings, sirens, and sledgehammer-to-the-head graphics telling you not to take this seriously? Recently, a poster claimed that every one of my posts "end up making FReepers look publicly stupid." Please remember that those are not my words. While I'm appreciative of the compliment, I'm hardly one to brag about my I.Q. (I know at least four current- and former-FReepers who have I.Q.s from twenty to fifty points HIGHER than mine, so what bragging rights does that leave me?). Said poster insisted that I provide sufficient warnings on all my humor threads, in advance, telling you that you're about to read something ficticious and humorous - apparently to prevent you from having to think about what you're reading, and hurting yourself in the process. If it makes you feel any better, please know that I gave you all more credit than that, but others didn't. They thought you looked stupid, and that you needed these warning labels.

Mel Brooks (not a Christian) once defined laughter in this way: "Tragedy is me cutting my finger. Comedy is you getting eaten by a tiger." Take that for what it's worth.

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