Posted on 05/16/2006 7:54:47 PM PDT by sionnsar
Some time ago a trusted leader in my parish decided to divorce his wife. There was no adultery (at least not on her part), no abandonment, no abuse. He told me he just wasn’t “happy“; that he hadn’t been “happy” for some time. He told me straight up: “the Spirit is leading me out of his marriage.” God, after all, wanted him to be happy.
I spent several months trying to dissuade him. He is staunchly orthodox doctrinally speaking and remained rock solid after GC2003. During those days I remember having conversations with him about the nature of ECUSA’s error; agreeing together that God’s Spirit would never contradict his Word.
When I brought this up to him in the context of his manifestly unbiblical decision to leave his wife at the supposed behest of the Spirit, he shrugged, “Maybe I was wrong?”
No, he was not wrong. He saw the truth correctly. It had just become inconvenient.
In the end he refused to reconsider; refused professional Christian counseling; refused finally even to meet with me. He left the wife of his youth without cause. So, sadly, we began a process of discipline modeled in Matthew 18:15-17.
When the process was complete and no repentance forthcoming, I asked him to absent himself from the altar rail and to leave the fellowship until he was willing to repent. Afterwards, I sent the sad news to the other pastors in town who honor biblical discipline.
The whole affair was absolutely devastating for his believing wife who hadn’t seen it coming. She felt/feels rejected, humiliated, and unlovable. She is a woman of great faith who has found and is finding her solace in Christ. But she is still in the throes of deep grief. Her life has been ripped apart.
I can’t imagine a Christian man doing this to someone.
The parish also is grieving. This man was a leader, someone people looked up to for strength, confidence, humor. In a thousand years I never would have imagined he would betray Christ and his own wife in this way. But he did.
I suppose in the grand scheme of things his lot is the worst. He has exchanged Christ, commitment, honor, trust, real love, marriage, a community of brothers and sisters to find his elusive “happiness.”
I pray for his repentance and restoration every morning.
But short of that I suppose all is not lost. While he will not be welcomed back to my parish until he repents and seeks restoration with his wife, he can always become bishop of Northern California.
The only biblical warrant for divorce is adultery or abandonment by a non-believing spouse. It is simply not to be permitted in any other case. Is there forgiveness restoration and grace availible for divorcers and divorcees? Absolutley. But in this case it was never sought. It was a case of willfull, premeditated, and consistent rebellion. If you think I was going to let him come into the church and partake of the Lord's body and blood in the presence of the wife he abandoned, I don't have the authority to subvert God's word and order in that way.
Agreed that we should always have our spouse's best interests at heart..... but what happens if what we think is in our spouse's best interests is not something that they think is in their best interest? It gets messy.
I think (and I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it) that when two people have the Holy Spirit residing in them, and this Spirit of love is clearly evident to the other, then this is the guiding force.
For instance, what woman, upon seeing, hearing, and feeling the Spirit of Christ in her busband, would not respond to that love? And what man, observing the Spirit of Christ in his wife, would not love such a woman?
Perhaps this is too simplistic, but sometimes I think the answers to complex questions are quite simple.
I don't disagree with your statement there as I think it is supported quite well by scripture. However, what is abandonment? Do you think that the word simply means 'depart' as it states in the good King Jimmy? Or does it mean abandoned as in 'one leaves the institution of marriage'? How do you respond to Poster No 5? What would you advise him to do (or have done) in his case? When two people marry, it is essentially a contract to have sex (and if they are Christians, in the manner that is prescribed and approved of by God). What is the appropriate recourse for a man or a woman who has married in good faith with that natural understanding and the other person decides to arbitrarily withhold the marital duties and responsibilites of sex with his or her partner? I'm not talking about a day or a week for physical reasons but for months and years as texan75010 has articulated. That is a contract breaker no? What is the appropriate response - and let's assume that one has already gone the routes of talking to the pastor, seeking counseling, trips to the doctor etc etc etc.
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