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God Bless Those Baptist Sea Monkeys
The Sacred Sandwich ^ | October 1, 2005:

Posted on 04/09/2006 1:13:59 PM PDT by Gamecock

Recently I heard on the radio that a local Christian church was going to be hosting a community-wide “Blessing of the Animals Ecumenical Service” at a nearby park this month. My first thought upon hearing the announcement was that it must be some sort of church picnic where they would be asking a blessing on the barbeque before they ate, but then I realized that I totally misunderstood what this whole “blessing of the animals” was about. Apparently they were talking about blessing live, uncooked animals. Go figure.

In case you aren’t aware of this “animal blessing” phenomenon, let me tell you what I know. Evidently there is a growing trend within some corners of Christianity to offer some sort of yearly nondenominational prayer service where all pet owners can bring their beloved animals (or even their favorite stuffed animals, believe it or not) to be ritualistically blessed by God. From what I have gathered, it is a religious ceremony that was first made famous at Manhattan’s Episcopal Cathedral of St. John the Divine, as part of their annual celebration that honors St. Francis, the patron saint of animals and the environment.

Based on an account of the yearly gathering at St. John the Divine from 2003, here is essentially what takes place: animal lovers bring their pets to the main altar of the church in a grand procession, whereupon the attending Bishop gives homage to “Brother Wolf, Sister Whale, Sister Loon” and other sundry creatures, and then recites a benediction for the animals that says, “Live without fear. Your Creator loves you, made you holy and has always protected you. Go in peace to follow the good road and may God's blessing be with you always. Amen.” Afterwards a throng of clergy go forth and individually bless each animal by laying on hands or sprinkling them with holy water, which could be quite tricky if you were dealing with some kid’s pet tarantula.

Of course, when I first heard some of the details about these animal blessing ceremonies, I had three immediate questions:

  1. Does God bless ugly animals, too, or just the cute, fuzzy ones?
  2. Has anyone ever brought sea monkeys to these services?
  3. How did the Bishop know my sister was a loon?

Yet the thing that raised my curiosity the most was the fact that these events are billed as “ecumenical.” Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I was under the impression that denominational divisions weren’t really an issue in the animal kingdom. On the other hand, I have to wonder if animals of differing faiths even have the ability to adopt an ecumenical spirit with each other. I mean, would a falcon really be able to maintain the proper level of ecumenism with a plump rabbit sitting next to him? Could Precious the cat look past her inherent doctrinal differences with Buster the hamster?

I would think that even between similar types of animals there might be a problem. For example, take a lion and a housecat, and then look at the possibility of these two feline cousins meeting at an ecumenical service. In some sense you could say that these two cats are so closely related that they are the zoological equivalent of a Catholic and an Anglican. Still, I can’t help but think that the lion would promptly eat the tabby before the invocation was even given. This is not to imply, of course, that a Catholic has ever eaten an Anglican during an ecumenical service, but then again Anglicans are an acquired taste.

The point I’m trying to make is this: I’ve watched enough Animal Planet on cable television to know that animals aren’t exactly the most well-mannered and virtuous beings around. It’s kind of hard for animals to develop a proper biblical worldview or godly disposition when they’re spending all their time eating each other. I would imagine that even animals of likeminded faith would have difficulty getting together for Bible study. In fact, I can hear their group leader now: “Turn your Bibles to 1st Thessa… Alright, Phil, did you just put Ted in your mouth? Spit him out right now!”

Now I realize that this imaginary scenario sounds pretty ridiculous, but then again, this is exactly what happens when these animal blessing ceremonies try to cast animals in the image of man by holding them up as our spiritual brothers and sisters.

I ask you, why do people today insist on ascribing human characteristics to animals? Proof of this phenomenon can be found in the publication of several best-selling calendars that contain photographs of dogs in dresses. Do dogs like to wear dresses? Perhaps they do if the dresses are made out of bacon; but generally speaking, dogs abhor fashion. If you’ve ever seen the “just kill me now” expression on Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua when she dresses the poor dog in French couture, then you know what I’m talking about.

Which leads me back to my main concern with these animal blessing ceremonies: Despite their good intentions, they seem to promote the false idea that animals have equal standing with mankind in the eyes of God. Essentially, they are proclaiming an unbiblical concept whose foundation is largely built on evolutionary theory, an underlying disdain for man, and a fanciful notion that our pets will one day go to heaven. As fond as I am of my own pets, however, I can find no biblical warrant to support the position that animals are holy creatures with eternal souls that are in need of God’s extra-biblical blessing through religious pomp and ceremony.

The Bible plainly states that men, not animals, are made in God’s image to rule over His creation (Genesis 1:26). In addition, Jesus made it quite clear that while God does not forget to care for the sparrows, a man is still of much greater value than a whole flock of birds (Matthew 10:31).

Look, I don’t mind if Christians feel a need to thank God for his creation and the creatures over which He gave us stewardship and dominion, but must we denigrate God’s redemptive plan by lowering the status of man to that of an animal? After all, it is redeemed men, not animals, who will one day be fellow heirs with Christ, partake in the divine nature, and worship Him through all eternity (Romans 8:17; 2 Peter 1:3). To somehow intertwine animals into that equation and speculate that they are equally worthy of redemption is to start down that slippery slope towards a belief in universal salvation. In other words, if Butch the pit bull, who just mauled the mailman, can go to heaven, then what’s stopping your unsaved relatives, who never bit anyone, from getting there, too?

Furthermore, I fear that by constantly seeking God’s special blessing upon earthly interests like our job, our house, or our pets, that we are in some way ignoring or discounting the greatest blessing God has ever given us… Jesus Christ. Perhaps we would be better served to place our primary focus on the blessing of Christ in order to bring about the blessings due to the rest of His creation. Maybe we need to make sure that the blessing of the Gospel is spread first and foremost before we promote ecumenical activities that appear to be more grounded in Christ-less worldliness and self-interest.

As an aside, let me add that my Old English Sheepdog, Truman, passed away this summer, and I dearly miss him. And though I certainly do not equate his company on the same level as my relationship with those of my fellow man, I will always remember Truman as a good dog: very devoted, humble, and faithful in his service to me. I truly believe that God blessed me with his existence, even though he was just an animal. Perhaps it can be said that the Lord, in His unfathomable wisdom, gave me this sheepdog to be another example of how to be a genuine servant. Jesus certainly made such a connection to the Canaanite woman when he likened true humility to a dog begging for scraps from his Master’s table (Matthew 15).

Bottom line: the Bible tells us that God gave us animals as a blessing to man. He created these creatures to serve us, and to fulfill many God-ordained uses including food, clothing and religious sacrifice, which most of these animal blessing ceremonies seem to conveniently ignore or even denounce.

God bless the animals? Certainly. But let’s not fall into the trap of promoting an unbiblical mythology or sentimentality that gives every pet, including sea monkeys, the same position as those people redeemed by the blood of Christ. Unless, of course, you can prove your sea monkeys are Baptist.



TOPICS: Apologetics; Current Events; Ecumenism; Evangelical Christian; History; Mainline Protestant; Religion & Culture; Worship
KEYWORDS: animals; anticatholicrant; blessing; faith; protestantmisery; seamonkey
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To: topcat54

Oh, good, you're bottom line question is worded in such a way, I can give a clear, simple, absolute answer:

No, works do NOT merit our salvation. Absolutely not.


41 posted on 04/10/2006 9:10:56 PM PDT by dangus
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To: annalex; dangus; Alex Murphy; topcat54

Two ministers from two small churches enjoyed lunch together every Tuesday. One Tuesday afternoon, as the minister of the First Baptist Church sat enjoying his lunch, the second younger minister of the Methodist Church, came in and sat at his booth to ask some friendly advise:

The Baptist Minister: What on earth could be troubling you on this glorious day my brother?

Methodist Minister: Well, brother, you see....I believe that someone has stolen my bicycle, and my church cannot afford to replace it, let alone get me a car.
Baptist Minister: Stolen? Are you certain?

Methodist Minister: I'm afraid so, and now I'll have to walk to make my rounds and minister to the sick and elderly.

Baptist Minister: I'll tell you what you can do-next Sunday I want you to preach on the 10 Commandments....and when you do so, I want you to bear down with conviction on "Thou Shalt Not Steal." I want you to make them smell the brimstone and feel the flames. That'll get your bicycle back.

The Methodist pastor thought about the advice and said "I'll do just that!"

A week passed,and Tuesday afternoon once again found the Baptist Minister sitting in the usual spot at the dinner, A look of elation breaking over his face as the Methodist minister arrives on his bicycle and comes in to sit down.

Baptist Minister: Glory be in Heaven my brother! Another soul has been saved from the clutchs of the Devil! Why are you not rejoicing in their repentance?

Methodist Minister, looking down at the table: It didn't really turn out as I planned..

Baptist Minister: How so? Did you not preach on The Ten Commandments? Did you not Bear down on The Lord's forbiddance of Theft and put the fear of Hellfire into the souls of the lost sheep?

Methodist Minister: Yes.....I did as you said.....but....

Baptist Minister: But?

Methodist Minister: When I got to the part about "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" I remembered where I left my bicycle.


42 posted on 04/10/2006 11:39:41 PM PDT by Gamecock (No tagline for lent)
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To: dangus; Gamecock
No, works do NOT merit our salvation. Absolutely not.

Then why would you take issue with the concept of "faith alone"? What alternative does not involve works of merit?

43 posted on 04/11/2006 7:58:47 AM PDT by topcat54
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To: topcat54

>> Then why would you take issue with the concept of "faith alone"? <<

Because it's not faith alone! I said it wasn't by works that we could merit salvation, but that doesn't mean we can merit salvation by faith. "Not by works" doesn't equate to "entirely by faith." For while Paul said that works without faith is meaningless, he also said, "[if] I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing."

It's grace alone! The whole faith vs. works is a false dichotomy which pitted Paul against James. Faith and works are fruits from the same tree: Grace. That is why Paul writes, "[if] I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing."

The historical context of the dispute over "faith alone" isn't a dispute with Calvinists; it was a dispute over whether mankind should "fear no sin," as Luther said; and whether Luther was justified in striking the book of James from the bible because he couldn't reconcile it with his beliefs.


44 posted on 04/11/2006 9:07:44 AM PDT by dangus
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To: Alex Murphy

??? I was hoping an explanation of that screenshot was forthcoming...

By the way, Jedi are Jesuits. :^D I'm actually sorta half serious... In Empire, Luke even DRESSES like a Jebi*. (Did you know "Jebi" is an old nickname for Jesuits?) Lucas has many combined many mystical traditions into his Jedi, including Eastern ones. Joseph Campbell, who studied the Jesuits at great lengths, essentially is the creator of the Jedi religion, or at least as it stood throughout the original trilogy.

Besides, what other celibate order would be stupid enough to put Anakin, experiencing the pressures of coming into adulthood, alone, unchaperoned, with a beautiful young woman, with the future of the galaxy at stake? C'mon, you don't think Tibetan monks would be that stupid, do you?

(*Of course, if I'm going to infer that he's a Jesuit just by the way he dresses, I guess that means Obi Wan and the little sand critters from the first movie must be Franciscans. Huhheheehehee!)


45 posted on 04/11/2006 9:20:52 AM PDT by dangus
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To: Gamecock

Since we're picking on Methodists...

Ya know what the difference is between a Catholic and a Methodist is?

The Catholic will wave to you when they see you in a licquor store. :^D


46 posted on 04/11/2006 9:24:13 AM PDT by dangus
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To: dangus

Why don't free will Baptists make love standing up?

'fraid it might lead to dancing


47 posted on 04/11/2006 10:43:17 AM PDT by Gamecock (BTW, I know what an Armenian is)
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To: dangus
I was hoping an explanation of that screenshot was forthcoming

It's a screenshot from a Chinese bootleg of REVENGE OF THE SITH that hit the streets only a few weeks after the film came out in theatres. The scene is where Anakin is telling Obi-Wan that he was just placed on the Jedi Council of Elders (Presbyterian = Elders, Church = Council). For what it's worth, the title "Revenge of the Sith" itself was mistranslated as THE BACKSTROKE OF THE WEST.

I grabbed the screenshot last year, from a website that discussed the bootleg film's wacky subtitles at length. The blog is still there, but the screenshots appear to be missing:
http://winterson.com/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

48 posted on 04/11/2006 10:45:04 AM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:5)
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To: Alex Murphy

I was wondering.


49 posted on 04/11/2006 11:03:46 AM PDT by Gamecock ("I save dead people" -- God (Eph 2:5))
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To: Gamecock

There are no Lutheran animals.


Have you ever seen an animal make a casserole?


50 posted on 04/11/2006 11:44:34 AM PDT by BJClinton (No war. For oil.)
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To: BJClinton; Gamecock
HGave you ever seen an animal make a cassarole?

I don't think it's possible to make a cassarole without an animal!

51 posted on 04/11/2006 12:01:40 PM PDT by Alex Murphy (Colossians 4:5)
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