Oh how I know that feeling! I came very close to leaving the Catholic Church out of sheer despair with the novelties introduced post VCII. I walked away several times but each time, I had a flashback to the night I received the Sacrament of Confirmation. I was barely 10 years old and seated with my classmates. Okay .. we took some liberties with Sister. She had her clicker at the ready, just in case :-).
Though it was October, the Church was packed and it was steaming hot. There were no microphones back then and the Bishop mumbled the prayers in Latin. We elbowed each other ever hopeful not to catch the eye of one of the nuns. Then the Bishop got up and delivered his homily ... in English. Stifling a yawn, something he said suddenly caught my attention. He called us "Soldiers of Christ". Those words struck a chord within me ... Soldiers of Christ. But, how?! What were we supposed to do?
Over the years, I lapsed but each time those words came back to haunt me. I had been baptized into the faith and confirmed in it; like you, I spent 12 years in Catholic schools. Surely all of this was intended to prepare me for my role as a 'soldier' ... but how? when? where?
The answer came 15 years ago when I relocated to a diocese run by an ultra liberal bishop. I didn't recognize my 'Catholic Church'. It was so changed. It looked more like a protestant church. Felt banners replaced the Crucifix, kneelers were removed from the renovated churches, the Tabernacle was relocated into another room or closet. Then, I discovered this forum and met some very knowledgeable catholics. They bolstered my morale and gave me the courage to confront the abuses being introduced by the new 'light in the loafers' pastor of my parish. Still, each Sunday turned into a penitential sacrifice as I confronted the priest about the regulations governing the proper rite that are clearly written in the GIRM.
Having been raised pre VCII, we were always taught that only the priest could touch the consecrated host. When, post VCII, it was decided to create the position of the EMCH, I had a difficult time adjusting. Suddenly, the most sacred Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist, was now being distributed by women with painted fingers, doused with heavy perfumes. It just didn't seem right. Now, 40+ years later, we have seen the abuses that have slipped through the 'well meaninged' intentions of those who enacted this rule.
Encouraged by my fellow catholics in this forum and armed with VCII documents, I accepted the challenge given me on that hot day in October and armed myself with the documents from VCII and began addressing the abuses in my parish. When the pastor invited a group of students preparing for their Confirmation to participate in a liturgical dance, I handed him the document that banned liturgical dance in the US. He tried to 'soft sell' me by referring to it as 'liturgical movement'. I didn't buy and brought it to the attention of the diocesan office for Liturgical Worship. In their initial response, they threw their support behind the pastor. Undaunted, I wrote back, citing two documents from VCII which stipulated that all catholics had the right to a valid liturgy. That stopped them in their tracks, and the pastor was advised not to introduce the liturgical dance.
One small victory was followed by encouragement from my fellow catholics. Then, one Sunday, after receiving Communion, I looked up just as a EMHC dropped a consecrated host on the floor of the Sanctuary. From your pre-VCII education, do you recall what you were told should happen in such an instance? We were told that the Mass stopped while the errant host was covered with a cloth and/or carefully disposed of according to church norms. I watched in stunned silence as the EMHC looked towards the pastor for guidance. He met and then averted her gaze. Unsure of what to do, she bent over, picked up the host and redeposited it in her Pyrex glass communion bowl. It was more than I could bear. I bowed my head before our Lord, present in the Tabernacle, asked his forgiveness for her, and then asked him to guide me to holy priest, a reverent liturgy and a welcoming community.
That Sunday, I went home and compiled a list of other RC parishes in the local area. Another freeper suggested that I also include any Eastern Catholic Churches. There were two - one Maronite and the other Ukrainian. Over the next several weeks, I attended Mass at a different RC Church each week. Then the Maronite Catholic Church surfaced on the list. Equipped with the wrong Mass time, I arrived one hour early. The Church was dark with the exception of 3 spotlights on 3 alcoves in the Sanctuary - one contained the Tabernacle, another a beautiful Crucifix and the 3rd, the Book of the Gospels. Befofe me were the most fundamental elements of my Catholic faith. I took out my Rosary and began praying. Though disoriented by the Maronite Divine Liturgy, I knew I was home ... in unmistakable terms. I left the church that day with a sense of peace unlike anything I had ever known.
The Maronite Catholic Church is one of 22 churches that comprise the one, holy, catholic and apostolic church. It is a 'sui uiris' church with its own Patriarch and governing body. Of all the Eastern Catholic Churches, the Maronites are the only ones that have never been out of communion with the Magisterium.
The Maronite Divine Liturgy is more ancient than the old Latin liturgy, coming out of Antioch where Peter went following the resurrection of our Lord. The words of consecreation are those of our Lord at the Last Supper, in His language - Aramaic. Communion is distributed ONLY by the priest. It is 'intincted' (dipped into the consecrated wine) and placed on the tongue of the recipient with the words: "The Body and Blood of our Lord are give to you for the remission of sins and eternal salvation". A Roman Catholic may attend the liturgy at any Eastern Catholic Church and fulfill their Sunday obligation.
I can't begin to express the joy that has accompanied me on this journey into the Maronite Catholic Church. There are several other forum catholics who have set off to explore the eastern churches. They are now practicing their faith at Byantine Catholic Churches.
Apologies for rambling on at such length. Your comment touched my heart and I felt the need to respond. God bless you on your journey!
Whoa! I sucked in my breath so loud, my son asked me what was wrong. "Just Catholic stuff." : )
I commend you on your journey. Mine led me back to the roots, to Judaism. I guess I was such a good Catholic that I couldn't bear the thought of going to a Protestant church!
There is so much from Catholicism that still guides my life and my worldview, however, I just can't get past Original Sin and the Resurrection thing, and those are pretty central to Christianity. I don't believe God had to come down on earth and rise again. There are so many myths around the world that are similar to this, this isn't specific to Christianity. Nor do I believe someone back in the dawn of time is responsibile for the state of my soul. If I could be Catholic w/o believing in these, I'd give it a shot again, but I can't.
All that said, the pull of the Church is strong. I am interviewing for a professorship at a Catholic college after turning down offers to interview from bigger and 'better' schools. Though my advisor thinks I'm insane, I feel pretty good about it.
We are new Catholics, as of last Easter. RCIA'd in a very liberal church. For first Confession, they told us -- 'Just confess one sin. Otherwise it takes too long.' Which seemed wrong, but we didn't really know.
Over the last few months, we have been corrected and guided and re-taught by many good priests. Just last week, the Priest said to me? "Are you left-handed or right-handed?" "Right." "Then you put that hand UNDER the other." I corrected that. As I walked away he said, "And DON'T put it in your mouth like that. Take your right hand." I thanked him and said, 'We are brand new.' I spoke with him after Mass and thanked him for speaking out.
They are teachers, after all. If they don't teach, people will assume it's ok.